Puppies and kittens! Puppies and kittens! Puppies and kittens!

From the swingset to the cliffhanger, this episode was very well rounded and absolutely delightful. Stephen again marveled us with his prop comic humor with the combustible stock portfolio – subtle with the Zippo, Colbert. I loved the outtake too – I hope one of the Zoners who was there tonight will share the story behind that take.

Stephen’s ability to utterly confuse his guests has been the most memorable feature of the shows this week. I was really surprised at Jim Cramer’s reaction in his interview segment, which seemed very discombobulated. He seemed both amused and terribly confused. He’s been on the show multiple times, and I would have thought he would have been a bit more prepared. I guess this stock market stress is affecting him in ways not visible on his own show. I have to admit, the puppies and kittens were just adorable. Kudos to the TCR graphics department! And Huzzah for the return of the “F@#k ‘Em” button.

While I’ve heard Colbert and Stewart’s slamming of the conservative media since the election being described as shooting fish in a barrel, the constant new attacks of even more absurd conservative rhetoric has yet to get old in my eyes. The rise of Rush Limbaugh simultaneously amuses and horrifies me. And since I refuse to consume what he’s selling, the only exposure I’m getting to him is through these barrel fish shoots. So bring it on.

Something I’ve really noticed as a strong trend in the post-election ‘Colbert Report’ shows is that there’s been a palpable rise in the silliness of the first two segments of the show, while simultaneously having a very intriguing change in the depth and quality of the nightly interviews. Pre-election memorable interviews mostly involved either over the top overtures (Fonda anyone?) or amazing nailings (Dinesh D’Sousa). However, the post-election interviews have been thoughtful, exposed many intriguing ideas from both the guest and Colbert, and allows the real Stephen to shine through in the asking of the questions, at least a little bit. I loved how Steven Johnson issued his own mini-call to the Nation – the sly WikiLook Stephen flashed was so amazingly coy.

Please comment away, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the show and the interview.

• Yesterday, I started to *like* Barack Obama. Thank you for clapping and trying to scare away the evil spirits.
• And on the back, there’s a slide so you can pretend you’re the Dow Jones index.
• Well that’s an improvement, last month it was full of locusts.
• We only subsidize winners like AIG.
• I’m sorry, do you have a cable show, Robert Gibbs? I’d like to see you fill 30 minutes AND know what you’re talking about. I just keep my mouth moving and hope words keep pouring out. Robot lesbians in Vermont want to elect gay dog mayors. See?
• Evidently the real Bull market is bitter sarcasm.
• Jim, I’m positive … that you’re off you’re medication.
• Or, Jim, we could just have puppies and kittens behind you. Jimmy?
• Rush is right. The TARP plan is just as constitutional as it is Obama’s plan.
• Rush just took it one step further and made it a Wikipedia entry.
• To warrant obsequious crack-licking like that, he must have said something terrible. I mean, something like “The vacuum in Republican leadership has allowed a mean-spirited lard-ass talk radio mind corpse to become de facto leader which is already turning a crippled party into a bickering stock.”
• … which I believe translates into “John from the Penis” …
• I believe I was just scolded for neglecting my windmill.
• Apparently this whole time I’ve been praying for Eurotrash.
• I have no idea what that means, but I had to pass Biology.
• Plants poop oxygen, that’s why I’m trying to get off of it.
• They would get jacked up on coffee and invent air.
• Something tells me there’s going to be a Wikipedia page devoted to this guy tomorrow morning.

• Episode 5031 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5030 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5029 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5028 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)

You know a show that features fog that prominently is going to be a good one, and Stephen Colbert did not disappoint tonight.

There’s something about the Colbert Nation being called to action that really makes me appreciate Stephen, and this fandom. Together, we can take silliness to new and even bigger heights. Thank goodness Stephen uses his power for good as well as silly.

The intro to the new segment “Stephen Colbert’s Doom Bunker” was amazingly distracting – in case anyone was wondering, that was officially 13.6 seconds of gratuitous monkey bumping. I love when Stephen slams Glenn Beck, and as the scenarios got more proposterous, I enjoyed watching the Colonel get the look in his eyes of “What in the world did I get myself into?”

Loved the Latin bit in the interview. Good God, Latin! Poor Carl Wilson was so nervous, though, he was shaking in his hipster boots. I was hoping that Stephen would explore the culture of fandom more in the interivew. Then again, he kind of did that in the first segment, didn’t he?

Feel free to wax poetically about your favorite scenario, and your favorite werewolf (I call Teen Wolf!). Here are some of the more memorable quotes from tonight’s show.

• Whoo! We did it!
• This is a real feather in my cap, or as we say in the Celebrity Center, a real thetan in my sea org.
• Visual Approximation
• Although Scientologists, if you want to make it even more believable, add a talking snake and a virgin who has babies.
• Pitiful earth creatures! Do my bidding!
• Also, Tom Cruise, come on my show. Seriously, you’ll do Kimmel but you won’t do me? Colbernu out!
• I gotta say, I make that thing work.
• And judging by the chins to Beck ratio, it might be him.
• Then Beck chewed on some prediction peyote and took us on a basic cable vision quest.
• On the other hand, more viewers for Fox news.
• GHOST MALLS! You mean the creepy old people who currently wander around malls aren’t ghosts. Aaaaaargh!
• Scenario 1: It is the year 2012, the Dow is trading below 1000, unemployment is at 40%, and there is an armed insurrection in El Kañsas. Okay, I forgot to mention everything west of the Mississippi is now in Mexico.
• Scenario 2: The year is 2014, the Dow Jones is trading under 250 points, the Koala Pox epidemic has wiped out all the world’s livestock, and instead of money, our currency is soybeans.
• I couldn’t share this information with Mr. Moore before for security reasons, but in this scenario we also have a werewolf Congress.
• But there are no werewolves, Stephen!
• Stephen Moore, can we afford silver bullets at this point?
• Scenario 3: it’s the year 2019. The US Auto industry is gone, but every car in America turns out to be a Decepticon. Evil robots in every garage.
• Scenario 4: The year is 2012. President Obama’s policies have worked. Pulling out of the Iraq war was the right thing to do. The stimulus plan has the Dow rebounding to somewhere in the 12,000 area, people’s faith in the government is restored.
• And did you ever understand why she wears these leather outfits like this?
• What horrific experience would someone go through that Celine Dion would be the answer?
• As a hipster music critic, shouldn’t you like Celine Dion, just ironically?

• Episode 5032 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5030 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5029 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5028 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)

It’s always a good show when Stephen Colbert puts out a formal call to the Nation. However, the Beer Pong segment was absolutely hysterical. I love it when mainstream media report on something so amazingly fictional that it makes me think the existence of fact-checkers in the mainstream media are as mythical as candy-coated rainbow unicorns who play for the Cubs and win the world series.

Click here to write in “COLBERT” for the name of the NASA Node 3 Space Station!

Then let the Zoners know your vote in the comments!

• Yes, then it starts a new game called “Who Gave Me Herpes?”
• It seems that it started with a joke article on a humor web site, which got caught by a college newspaper, then picked up by a local news station, which spread it to another news station that was cruising for stories without protection, then gave it to a third station that was going down in the ratings.
• Highly contagious. That’s why smart paper boys use plastic bags.
• Yes, bacteria on my ball. Words as true today as when Dan Rather used them to sign off in 1985.
• By the way I still stand by my forecast six months ago of chocolate rain. It is coming!
• Hell, ping pong gives you crabs.
• I was pushing for the job to go to TV’s ‘House’, but apparently the administration reached its quota of rude, physically challenged egomaniacs when it hired Rahm Emmanuel.
• What’s 36% Of Nothing?
• This is Nationalization [Whew]
• AKA “Doocys”
• I want to squash any further rumors that Eleanor Holmes Norton and I have played Beer Pong together. No truth in this!
• If I keep my gun, I can get as many roses as I want.
• Which must mean the only people carrying weapons in Sotuh Carolina are middle-aged hermaphrodites. They are packing heat, in more ways than one.
• Happy belated Valentine’s, Sweetness. What’s that? You want to thank me with a kiss? You know what? That’s a little PDA. *Later*
• Those aren’t space modules, those are herbal teas.
• I have one habit of conscious eating that I understand, I like to eat things that were once conscious.
• Does that go for food, or do you just kick out the stops on this one?

• Episode 5032 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5031 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5029 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5028 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)

As we end the shows for this week, I have one quick question: did anyone catch the “now we play the waiting game” reference in the intro segment? I hate it when I don’t get the more obscure references. I bet one of you Zoners will know, though.

I don’t know how long it’s going to take for me to get sick of Twitter references on the show, but that hasn’t happened yet and I’m lapping them up. 140 characters at a time, of course. And the Viking hat and dripping chicken make me wonder if Stephen Colbert missed his calling as a prop comic. If only those yellow braids had been red curls, we might have another Carrot Top in our midst! Or, you know, not so much.

Stephen’s discourses on Michael Steele bringing the streets into the Grand Old Posse are yet more evidence that Stephen Colbert is the whitest dude ever. And again we got a wonderful, warm and humorous interview. Kris Kristofferson definitely got all the best lines in with this interview, and his squinty laugh was very contagious. The interviews this week have been so genuine and entertaining, and it’s was a fantastic show ending with Kristofferson singing one of his greatest hits, “Help Me Make It Through The Night.”

As always, please comment away about some of your favorite moments in the comments. Here are some of mine:

• Oof, who hoped?
• Oh, and “friends” are what you used to have before you joined Twitter.
• That is nine minutes in, you are busted baby!
• If poor people stay healthy, where will we rich go to harvest organs?
• Although admittedly the tip is the most sensitive part.
• I can’t believe you kissed John McCain with that mouth!
• The Swedish model, and not the good kind that marries Tiger Woods.
• Economy Built By IKEA
• Does My Häck Look Big In This Tunic?
• I say, In the name of Odin, let us take up our shields and our battle axes and rain death and damnation on our foes!
• See Zepplin Lyrics For Details
• He’s not just taking it to the streets, he’s taking it to the cul-de-sacs!
• And that is not typical political bullshiznit.
• Why do you think Flava Flav wears that national debt clock?
• You and me are going to lay down some dope yet fiscally responsible rhymes
• RAP-RESENT!!!!
• That’s a cheap shot there, Stephen.
• My dad caught me exfoliating once and he whipped me.
• I kinda like the idea of freedom’s just another word for Stephen Colbert.
• But if you did it tonight, I’d get great ratings.
• And now, regrettably with his clothes on, Kris Kristofferson.

• Episode 5032 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5031 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5030 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5029 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)

I don’t know about you guys, but the show was a huge adrenalin rush for me tonight. I blame the spiders.

I thought the Twitter reference was way cool as I follow multiple politicians on my own Twitter account and enjoy their tweets. And I have to admit, when the Tarantula handler busted out the G. Roseas and started putting them all over Stephen I jumped in my seat a bit. I have 13 tarantulas as pets (including a G. Rosea ), and have owned spiders for over 10 years, and I wouldn’t have put spiders all over me. While Roseys are about the most tame spiders out there, and are affectionately called “Pet Rocks” in the hobby, if you’ve ever seen the fangs on these bad boys you will appreciate Stephen’s bravery for the sake of a very powerful punch line. I hope those urticating hairs that Rosey was flicking off landed on Stephen’s coat and not his hands. Those things itch worse than insulation!

Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger was awesome as always, made even nicer by a very rattled Stephen and a character break. Sex and the Ganges was just so very wrong, and yet at the same time snicker-worthy. Although the interview wasn’t necessarily a laughfest, it was a really good discussion about what “regular” Americans are going through with the recession, and John Fetterman made an excellent case for his town. If you missed the Colbert County Stephen Colbert museum segment series that was mentioned by Stephen during the interview, you can check out the videos on ColbertNation.com.

Give a shout out in the comments if the spiders freaked you out as much as they did me, or feel free to share any other feelings you may have about tonight’s segments. Here’s some of the more memorable quotes from tonight’s show:

• I apologize, I thought he was going to throw me beads.
• That is why they [Republican] support abstinence education.
• Jimmy, let’s look at the rest of the highlights. There are none? Okay.
• Those are the numbers that get you into the Empty Platitude Hall of Fame.
• Sorry, Big O. That’s what you get for filling your speeches with words instead of pauses and confident squints.
• Evidently, he can tweet with his mind.
• Lou Dobbs is cool?
• With an N-Word Here and An N-Word There
• Now I will speak frankly about rap music while eating dollar store peanut butter.
• Were you offended … oh s@#t.
• Oh my God! I’m so sorry for slavery! Just get this spider out of my hair!
• Don’t pretend you can’t understand me, gorillas, I know some of you speak sign language.
• YOU DAMN DIRTY APES YOU GAVE US CRABS!
• Oh that old story – Honey, I didn’t bang that gorilla, I was just using his sleeping site!
• Now we know why Mario was so mad at that Donkey. Kong.
• I have to say, I haven’t recovered from those spiders yet.
• You know you should do with some of that money … put in skyboxes, because then you get the big ticket items.

• Episode 5032 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5031 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5030 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5029 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)

Before I go on with the R.A.P.S. post for this evening, I would like to thank Jenny with a Y for all of her wonderful service with the R.A.P.S. posts and the calendar. While she will continue to be an active member of our Zoner community, unfortunately her personal life will no longer allow her to spend time as one of the Completists. Thank you, Jenny with a Y, for everything you’ve done for us, and please make sure not to go too far – we’d miss you too much!

The opening segment of the show was fantastic – I loved the segment with all the 1997 references. The wine cooler cracked me up, and I remember using AOL dialup with a 28.8 baud modem at $2.95 an hour, charged to my Discover card (do they even make those anymore?). Ah, going back in time is always fun, and taking that journey with Stephen makes it exceptionally so. The Six Flags monologue was a true thing of beauty. I love it when “Stephen” just goes off on a personal and unrelated rant about the sorrows of his youth. And the Big Red Button dropping the F-bomb was just classic.

Here’s some of the more memorable quotes from tonight’s show:

• It is Mardi Gras! Fat Tuesday, Carnival, The feast of St. ShowMeYourTits!
• In this economy I can’t afford to give away a whole string. Here’s a bead – just show me a nipple.
• It’s going to be a long Lent.
• What is the matter, Mr. President? Was “Hope” forced to resign due to tax problems?
• It’s 1997! Jimmy! [Mmm bop...]
• if Sbarro goes, who’s next, Spencer Gifts? Where will America go for our Fart and Fart related accessories?
• Once again, my court-ordered prayers go out to all the victims.
• Yeah, that’s baked chicken.
• Don’t share the plate if you can’t do the fate.
• That’s the 19th century equivalent of not opening the e-mail.

What did you love about the show? Did/Do any of you own one of those wonderful iMacs? And have any of you drank a wine cooler since 1997? Please feel free to add your thoughts in the comments.

• Episode 5032 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5031 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5030 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5029 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)

Good evening, Zoners! I’m so very happy the ‘Colbert Report’ is back with fresh shows. I missed our joy machine last week!

For me, the high points of this episode were the interviews with Father James Martin and Helen Fisher, and the return of the prayer hat and giant prayer hands. If I had realized that today was an official day of prayer for Stephen, I certainly would have been praying for him. Maybe my prayers could have stopped him from shooting that poor audience member. HAHAH!

Here are a few notable quotes:

• I look at the Oscar winners which, evidently, are being outsourced to India.
• Americans are flocking back to the flock and not just because Communion counts as a meal.
• You make God sound like an opportunistic virus.
• Bagel chips: Truly, they are the chosen snack.
• I should be more infused than a vodka soaked watermelon.
• Okay, I clearly did the wrong thing there. You people are not praying hard enough.
• It turns out Jackman is not just his name, it’s an order.
• Even I could never have predicted that Kate Winslet’s dad is Dick Cheney.
• Is this a breeding experiment? ‘Cause if you’re doing the matching, it sounds like a cult.
• I think I’m getting a little crush on me right now.

What did you think about this episode? As always, please feel free to share your thoughts with us in the comments. You may also wish to add a write-in vote for something not included in the poll.

• Episode 5032 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5031 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5030 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)
• Episode 5029 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)