Archive for Episode Guides
Episode 4070 (05/29/2008)
Posted by: | Comments“Early to bed and early to rise makes you a loser. Let’s party all night long. This is The Colbert Report!”
Blue State Special: “Tonight! Should Michigan delegates be seated at the Democratic convention? Or will they have to hit up the scalpers? ”
- Shout Out! – Houston, we lost the loo
- Democralypse Now: The Delightful Dismemberment of the Democratic Hopescape – Michigan and Florida lose half their Democratic delegates.
Special Guest: Ted Devine, Democratic Strategist
McClellan Degenerate: “Plus, Scott McClellan’s new book accuses Bush of lying to get us into Iraq. That took balls, Scott. Five years ago. ”
- Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger
- Wag: Scott McClellan
- Tip: Michelle Malkin
- Wag: Blind People
M-M-M-My Sirota: “And my guest, David Sirota, has written a book about a new wave of angry voters. I prefer the old wave of my angry viewers. ”
- Dave Sirota – author, ‘The Uprising: An Unauthorized Tour of the Populist Revolt Scaring Wall Street and Washington
‘
THE COLBERT BUMP – YOU’RE GETTING IT:
In closing: That’s all the time we have, but before we go here is a sneak preview of Monday night’s show:
“This is The Colbert Report!”
Video Highlight:
Tip/Wag – Monetary Discrimination: Money should have different smells so blind people can tell the bills apart.
NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!
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Episode 4069 (05/28/2008)
Posted by: | Comments“Tonight’s show is brought to you by the number one and the letter ‘me.’ This is The Colbert Report!“
Seventh Inning Kvetch: “Tonight, Little League baseball players are under attack. And not just by the rival team’s fathers.”
- The Major Baseball League warns Little League baseball teams not to use trademarked team names
- The WØRD: Brushback Pitch
Sickening When Wet: “Plus, is there something in our water? I mean, besides all that agua the Mexicans smuggled in.”
- Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
- Hydration
- Pet Health
- Plastic Surgery
Claire In Present Danger: “Plus, my guest, Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill, is supporting Barack Obama. Well, you’ll never inspire young women now, U.S. Senator Claire McCaskill.”
- U.S. Senator Claire McCaskill, D-MO
In closing: Well folks, that’s it for the Report. For those of you burning the midnight oil, it is really time to switch over to electric power. Good night.
Video Highlight:
Cheating Death – Liquid Launch
Liquid Launch is a new energy drink that doesn’t have one of the ingredients in rocket fuel – it has every ingredient in rocket fuel.
NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!
Read More→
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Episode 4067 (05/15/2008)
Posted by: | Comments“Good things come to those who wait. [pause] This is The Colbert Report!”
Open Big House: “Tonight, states are releasing prisoners early to save money. This is your lucky day, Wesley Snipes.”
- It’s American Craft Beer Week
- John Edwards endorses Barack Obama
- President Bush addresses the Israeli Knesset
The Wørd: Jail Sweet Jail
Tax & Spend: “Then, how should you spend your tax rebate check. For tips, visit the Colbert Nation on-line gift shop.”
- Stephen Colbert’s Bears and Balls: Dollar Stretching Edition
- Pick Your Own Food Farms
- Dollar Stores
- Smaller Cars
My Interview With Andrei: “Plus, my guest Andrei Cherny calls the 1948 Berlin air lift America’s finest hour. What about the final episode of Mash? ”
- Andrei Cherny – author, The Candy Bombers
THE COLBERT BUMP – YOU’RE GETTING IT:
The Candy Bombers: The Untold Story of the Berlin Airlift and America’s Finest Hour
In closing: “That’s it for the Report, folks. We’re off for a week. If you’re looking for something to watch, might I recommend my reruns? ”
Video Highlight:
NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!
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Episode 4066 (5/14/08)
Posted by: | CommentsOkay, I have to go to bed very soon because of a 7a dentist appointment, but I wanted to leave this post up if you’d like to talk about tonight’s show. Share your thoughts in the comments:
- Yay for another WPTS shoutout!
- Laura Dern: Tall guest or tallest guest?
- Grover Norquist: Pretty serious nailing, yes? no?
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Episode 4063 (05/08/2008)
Posted by: | Comments
First Segment:
- Stephen interviews American Astronaut and Colbert Nation Hero Garrett Reisman… IN SPACE!
Second Segment:
- Gas as a not for profit industry
Third Segment:
- Arianna Huffington – owner of Huffington Post and author, Right Is Wrong
In closing: Fireside Chat: Albert Hoffman – RIP
Video Highlight - Garrett Reisman: Stephen goes intergalactic when he makes contact with a Hero floating in space.
NOTABLE MOMENTS, Video links, and more after the fold!
Read More→
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Episode 4062 (05/07/2008)
Posted by: | Comments“You know what they say: when in Rome, get on a plane back to America. This is The Colbert Report!“
List and Shout: “Tonight, who is on the terrorist watch list? And why does the terrorist watch list know so many terrorists? Better put that list on the list.”
- Desk Guest: Hasan Elahi, professor, artist, and self-surveiller
Primary Schooled: “And then, more analysis of the primaries. How many d*mn states do we have, anyway?”
- Democralypse Now: The Delightful Dismemberment of the Democratic Hopescape
Tech Johnson: “Plus my guest George Johnson has written a book about the ten most beautiful experiments. I’ll conduct a beautiful experiment on how a guest responds to six minutes of sustained shouting.”
- Journalist George Johnson, author of ‘The Ten Most Beautiful Experiments
‘
THE COLBERT BUMP – YOU’RE GETTING IT:
Trackingtransience.net – Hasan Elahi’s ‘livelogging’ site
In closing: That’s it for the Report, everybody. Goodnight.
Video Highlight — George Johnson: George Johnson and Stephen re-create one of the ten most beautiful experiments.
NOTABLE MOMENTS – Video links and more after the fold!
Read More→
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Episode 4060 (05/05/2008)
Posted by: | Comments“Happy Cinco de Mayo! Remember, tomorrow is a great day to buy a used piñata. This is The Colbert Report!“
Petroleum Sell-y: “Tonight: Two candidates propose a gas tax holiday. And it goes over like an unleaded balloon.”
- The TIME 100 outrage
- Gas Tax Holiday
The WØRD: Free Gas!
Best In Show: “Plus, I name an ‘Alpha Dog of the Week’ — in a dramatic twist, I hump his leg.”
- Speed Racer premiere
- Alpha Dog of the Week
- Anonymous Tennessee 911 operator
Iron Man: “And my guest Carl Hiaasen has written a book about returning to golf. Please applaud appropriately [golf claps].”
- Carl Hiaasen: Author, The Downhill Lie: A Hacker’s Return to a Ruinous Sport
In closing: Well, that’s it for the show. I’d like to thank my guest, author Carl Hiaasen, and I would especially like to not thank my non-guest, Rain, for our non-dance-off. Yeah! Hey, Rain, let me know when Korea lifts the embargo on balls. Good night, everybody! [fade to Stephen, in an empty and darkened studio, then ... RAAAAAAAINNNNNN!!] *HE’S DANCIN’ IN KOREAN!!!*
Video Highlight — Rain Dance Off: Rain shows up after hours to settle the score with Stephen.
NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!
Read More→
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Episode 4059 (05/01/2008)
Posted by: | Comments“I started my Kentucky Derby party early; I’m full of julep and I’ve got a gun. This is The Colbert Report!“
Silver Screed: “Tonight: The summer movies are coming out. My advice? Just stay home and burn a good book.”
- Wedding advice for Jenna Bush
- Trailers That Are Destroying America: Summer Movie Edition
- Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
- Sex and the City
- Iron Man
Blow, Blow, Blow Your Vote: “Then, I examine what makes a Presidential candidate ‘electable’ … aside from having the middle initial ‘W’.”
- Formidable Opponent: Electability
Kicked To The ‘Burb: “And, my guest is author James Kunstler, who writes about the dark future of suburbia. That’s right, they CAN run out of Cinnabons.”
- James Howard Kunstler: Author, World Made by Hand: A Novel
In closing: Well, folks, that is it for the Report. If you would like a transcript of tonight’s show, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to your house, with lots of paper and a pen, so you can write down everything I said on tonight’s show. [Editor's note: Or you can just use a little bit of paper to fill in the tidbits we didn't transcribe here.] Good night, everybody!
Video Highlight — Formidable Opponent – Electability: Stephen debates himself on the electability of the candidates.
NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!
Read More→
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