EPISODE NUMBER: 6035 (March 10, 2010)
GUESTS: Charlie Cook, Sean Carroll
SEGMENTS: Health Care Reconciliation discussion, Glenn Beck’s new sponsor – Nonhybrid seeds
VIDEOS: Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Interesting new intro this morning, although I gotta say that the touch screen isn’t the same without a drawing of Snoopy. It was a good change of pace, though, a palette cleanser of sorts. I have to say, I don’t appreciate the fact that Eric Massa put the thought of my mind about himself naked in the shower with Rahm Emmanuel. *shudder* Also, while I was working on a screencap of this episode, I noticed there was a shot where Stephen’s face seemed to be overlayed over the Statue of Liberty behind him. It was one of those moments that made me seriously appreciate the new set.

When Stephen highlights the ridiculousness of commercials on Glenn Beck’s show, I often wonder, do these ads really work? Do Glenn Beck watchers actually believe this horse hockey? Would people actually pay $150 for seeds? And the reporting analyst in me loved the line about being scared from the graph with no data points done in Microsoft Paint. I actually own a book called How to Lie With Charts, and I’m pretty sure it’s required reading for all people in the graphics department at Fox News.

The interview with Sean Carroll was interesting mostly because it was quite interesting watching Stephen try to simultaneously grasp the concepts that Carroll was talking about while also making a funny quip about it.

Don’t forget to take the poll over at ColbertNation.com for tonight’s episode, and I look forward to hearing what you have to say in the comments!

• Fine, here are the dots. Let’s connect them. [I'M GAY]
• It’s like jazz, baby. It’s like the sense they don’t make.
• Folks, I hear the victim was literally asking for it.
• I’m going to grope you, but it’s not going to be sexual, it’s just going to be fun, okay?
• You can’t spell scare without care.
• So instead of blue dogs, they’re blue pussies?
• I’ve interviewed a few of them, I think they could.
• Oh my God! That chart with no numbers or data points is right! That green line is clearly being driven up by market forces, not just by some guy with Microsoft Paint.
• When the end time comes and you’re tilling the earth with a human femur while the sky is raining fire, you’re going to want a reliable supply of radicchio and mini-squash.
• Try to pass off hybrid seeds and you will be raped by a mole man.
• Next year?! This site was registered almost two years ago which means next year was last year. We’ve been dead for almost 2 1/2 months!
• I’ve got a question for you – why didn’t the movie “Benjamin Button” really work?
• In these other universes, is it possible that my show is on at 11:00 and Jon Stewart’s show is on at 11:30?

• Episode 6039 (3/17/2010)
• Episode 6038 (3/16/2010)
• Episode 6037 (3/15/2010)
• Episode 6036 (3/11/2010)

EPISODE NUMBER: 6034 (March 9, 2010)
GUESTS: Annie Leonard
SEGMENTS: Stephen Colbert Consumer Alert, The WØRD: Define & Conquer
VIDEOS: Tuesday, March 9, 2010

First, I’d like to thank MsInterpreted for helping with the guide yesterday (and with a few power boosts for today’s episode as well). Secondly, I would like to say that it’s 6:30a and the full episode video is not up and I’m seriously missing Hulu right about now.

I’ve got the fever for the flavor of a new episode, Zoners! The ingredients in Taco Night Pringles? A thing of beauty. And while the news cycle is overrun with health care coverage, I’m so ready for something to be passed. I’m insured, and it still cost me $530 to get an MRI yesterday morning due to the deductible. And I’m seriously worried if they find they’re going to have to do surgery on my knee. Paying 30% of a buttload (plus the deductible) is still a buttload. *sigh* Can I please move to Canada long enough to get my knee fixed?

Nothing makes you realize how much stuff you have than moving. And after last month’s move, I realized that sweet baby Jesus, I have too much crap. I found it seriously ironic that she puts down watching TV on a television show. I do see her point though – too much time is wasted shopping and watching TV as opposed to reading, conversing, and generally being a sociable person. Even last night, I stayed home and watched “Lost” because I was just too worn out to go out with some friends. (But a Ben Linus episode?! Sign me up! Love him, LOVE him! So glad they didn’t kill him off. And that moment at the end where he says, with tears in his eyes, “He’s the only one who will have me”, I just wanted to pick him up and hug him, even if he has murdered pretty much everyone who’s ever died on the island. Also, Alex being his student in the Flash Sideways was total awesomesauce. So great to see Guyliner back, and seeing that Widmore is in fact, on his way. But I digress.)

Don’t forget to check out the movie The Story of Stuff, and let us know what you thought of it in the comments!

• I hope you already have sent back your previously recalled item, the Agribaby Cribside Mulcher.
• I know, I know — Taco Night! Which doesn’t just deliver the flavor of a taco, hell, even a taco can do that. These capture the whole Taco Night! It’s right here in the ingredients, see? It says, um: whey, vegetable solids, sunflower oil, opening the refrigerator and seeing there’s nothing else and deciding to make tacos even though you made them two nights ago, cheddar cheese, maltodextrin, salt, Alex tell your sister to come downstairs it’s taco night — what do you mean she’s at Brian’s house? — rice, flour, onion powder, no we can’t eat in front of the TV we’re gonna dine as a family, dried tomato, malic acid, fine — if you don’t want to eat what’s being served, everyone can fend for themselves and watch this family fall apart, but if anyone wants to join me, I’ll be in the dining room enjoying tacos, disodium phosphate, paprika extract, take off that sombrero Alex, I will not be mocked! Oh, and potatoes.
• No! We can’t lose Rush! If he leaves, who will make fun of people with Parkinson’s? When the rest of us do it, it seems kind of mean.
• Words have power, they can hit you like a fist. Especially if you write them on your fist.
• Hahah, she is great. [G-R-A-T-E]
• [Instead of "Offensive Stereotype," "The Situation"]
• It seems like people still like the idea of health care. And why not, health + care. Those are just two positive words jammed together. [Like Cheeseburger + Pringle]
• And couldn’t breathing just be “oxygen addiction?” [Or Restless Lung Syndrome]
• Now who wants the Democrats to pull a legislative gang bang so rubber gloved ass probers can keep you from going to heaven? You know what? We might need health care, because you people are sick.
• Though I’m not sure I trust a public official who has to cut people open to see that they have arms and legs.
• The red circle represents my unquestioning support for the troops, and the blue circle represents my universal condemnation of anything gay, including but not limited to boxer briefs, Jersey Boys, smart cars and baby carrots.
• Yeah, that’s better, I like lady boobs. They got those, whatchacallit, those niblets on the front.
• This can mean only one of two things. Either he believes that respecting the integrity of my fellow humans is more important than my safety, or the pope is hiding something.
• Maybe the Pope doesn’t want to be scanned because he’s a lady. Think about it – he never wears pants, he loves his Prada pumps, and I’ve never seen him with a girlfriend. And I gotta say, as a man, he’s kind of spooky. But as a woman, those are some smokey come-hither eyes.
• Look, I’m not saying I want to be eaten. I’m just saying it’s nice to be asked.
• Our diet has practically made us a new species – Hoho sapiens.
• You must be going “Whee, let’s have a depression!”
• Are you saying that my beanbag chair is …. gay?
• I hate to tell you this, but this book is stuff.

• Episode 6039 (3/17/2010)
• Episode 6038 (3/16/2010)
• Episode 6037 (3/15/2010)
• Episode 6036 (3/11/2010)

EPISODE NUMBER: 6033 (March 8, 2010)
GUESTS: Ezra Klein, Tom Hanks
SEGMENTS: Best Foreign Language Film Category, Action Center: Health Care Bill, Tom Hanks interview (Parts 1 and 2), Sign Off – One Thought
VIDEOS: Monday, March 8, 2010

Greetings and salutations, all! I’m pinch-hitting for DB and I couldn’t get to the episode guide as quickly as she does — mea culpa — but since my doing the guide gave me an excellent excuse to watch the show repeatedly this morning, I hope you’ll allow me my good mood and overlook the tardiness.

Stephen starting off the show with his sound editor’s act of mutiny was brilliant, and I loved that he was able to segue from there into giving a shout out to Juan Campanella for his Oscar win. As some of your fellow Zoners noted, Campanella’s name might be familiar to attentive Strangers with Candy fans, as he directed a number of hilarious episodes. Congratulations again and again, Juan!

Ezra Klein was delightful, as always, and that graphic with Uncle Sam choking on the health care bill as blocked by Mitch McConnell’s head just cracked me up. I’m always amused by a “jam it down our throats” montage (because I’m silly like that), but there have been two of them on The Daily Show lately, so it was that graphic that really put me over the top and prompted the guffaw.

Of course, it was the Tom Hanks interviews that were my favorite parts of the show. It was a bit disorienting for Stephen to do a two-part interview segment, but he clearly enjoyed talking to Hanks so much, and there was a lot to talk about. Watching Stephen slip out of character a bit to thank Tom for Band of Brothers … so moving. I don’t have HBO so I don’t think I’ll be able to watch Hanks’s new series (yet), but I may just have to add another book to my reading list. Those battles in the Pacific were really something else, and I’m always impressed by the passion Hanks brings to his work. (And his ability to make people feel like “big fat pussies”. Hah!)

What did you all think of the episode?

• Last night, Nation, was Hollywood’s biggest strokefest: the Oscars. The one day a year when you have to give a crap what a sound editor does.
• The one thing I don’t understand is, why is there still an award for Best Foreign Language Film? I mean, listen to the winner, writer-director Juan Campanella. This clown’s up there jabbering in Argentinian. Lalalalalalala–empanada!
• Folks, you know the Democrats’ continuing health care fetish is threatening to destroy Congress. And that would come as quite a blow to the 10% of Americans who still approve of Congress.
• Up ’til now, folks, President Obama has shown the kind of leadership I admire in a Democrat: none.
• Those bold words reminded me of when FDR told our troubled nation: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Unless … what do you guys think?”
• His voice really seemed to have changed. Folks, I’m afraid Obama is going through presidential puberty. And the Testicles-in-Chief have descended into Sack Force One.
• Yeah, don’t you know anything about football, Democrats? You don’t score touchdowns against the will of the opposing side. That’s mean! You give them back the ball, then they help you kick a field goal. And everyone gets ice cream. Just not heath care.
• You know, I enjoy your movies, you know I’m a fan. There is one pattern I’ve noticed in your movies … I’m not in any of them.
• Just make me the evil Pope in your next Dan Brown movie.
• When I think of World War II, I’m gonna think of Saving Private Ryan, you know? Because it really felt like I — in the theater — I was there, on Omaha Beach, but with a thirty-two ounce Diet Coke. You know? So … even better.
• Hanks: If you are anywhere between twenty-one and fifty-three, which I am … you will watch this series and feel like a big, fat pussy.
• I’ve got a bumper sticker on my car [Hanks: "Thank God!"] that says “War never solved anything except fascism and slavery.”

• Episode 6039 (3/17/2010)
• Episode 6038 (3/16/2010)
• Episode 6037 (3/15/2010)
• Episode 6036 (3/11/2010)