“I think, therefore you are.  This is The Colbert Report!” Sting Of All Media: “Is the news media too aggressive?  Anybody accuses me of that I will punch them in the throat.” The Wørd: Future Perfect Gallop to Poll: “Voter registration is up among young people who thought they were signing up for XBox Live.” [...]

“Hey, liquid paper, your bottle should say you don’t work on computer screens.  This is The Colbert Report!” Old AIG: “Tonight, John McCain responds to the growing economic crisis by suggesting America marry a really rich woman.” The Wørd: Powerless Osama Bin Hiding: “Is there a new way to catch Osama bin Laden?  I’ve got [...]

By the power vested in me, I now pronounce us host and audience.  You may kiss the screen.  This is The Colbert Report! Hop on G.O.P: “Tonight, the press is treating John McCain unfairly.  They’re showing pictures of him without Sarah Palin.” The Wørd: How Dare You? Watership Dow: “I present Colbert Platinum, my segment [...]