EPISODE NUMBER: 5110 (August 12, 2009)
GUEST: Mark Johnson,
SEGMENTS: American Sacrifice; Who’s Not Honoring Me Now?; Formidable Opponent: Health Care
VIDEOS: Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A show full of win:
Sweetness! Formidable Opponent! Grandpa Elliot!
Great to see Stephen doing his part to safe the environment – sacrificing his iPod to the Virginia fringed mountain snail. And such thoughtful tune selections. But, for promoting species fecundity, ‘Let’s Get It On’ is automatically disqualified because of its association to the movie High Fidelity . Any suggestions from The Zoners??

I have to admit that Stephen’s relationship with his ‘holster honey’ Sweetness started to get a little uncomfortable, but the picture from the delivery room had me laughing out loud. So did the explanation of the Teen Choice nomination process… and apparently Stephen thought it was pretty funny too. If you watch the youtube vids of Joe getting his hair cut, you may identify with some of the reactions from those watching. Is Mike Tyson going to be booked on the show someday soon???

Be sure to check out the Playing For Change website for more about Mark Johnson, the project, their dvd, cd, and links to more Grandpa Elliot and other performances.

Below are just a few of my favorite lines from the show – please add yours in the comments and don’t forget to vote in the poll!

• If the Roman Empire had all you people, we’d all still be speaking Latin.
• I’m not sure where anybody got that idea, and I’m not willing to expend any energy finding out.
• For most Americans, giving up an iPod is like cutting off an arm – an arm that plays music!
• That’s more of a strategy to get them off the endangered species list.
• That same intelligence also reported that Iraqi basketball hoops were 4 feet high.
• Before 1997’s Deep Impact, no one dared hope that a Black man could be President in such a terrible movie.
• When Katie Couric asked her what newspaper she read, she should have answered, “The Glock 9mm Herald Tribune.”
• Now we know that neither one of us is shooting blanks – I just need to find a doctor willing to deliver the baby.
• …’The Teen Choice Awards’ which lets teens celebrate any Disney product they choose.
• Tweens just love her stories of regretting sex you had while blitzed on Alabama Slammers.
• This, on top of my idea of being an adorable heart throb!
• Mike Tyson – if I ever see you face to face, I’m going to f**k you up!
• That man is either really upset about the bill or voicing his support for Congresswoman Carol B. Bull$^!%.
• It’s freedom of speech, not freedom of listen.
• Don’t you dare play the reasonable card!
• Why else would Paula Abdul leave ‘Idol’? She is obviously going to be on the panel of Fox’s new “So You Think You Can Live”.
• That looked a lot like you to me.
• You’re not crazy. You’re a Fascist.
• What does “all over the world” mean? Like here and Canada?
• • Stephen: That’s why the Jonas Brothers are great musicians and, you know, Steve Earl sucks. Because he doesn’t make a lot of money.
  • Mark: Well, fortunately, you can’t autotune soul.
  • Stephen:Have you listened to Kanye?

UPDATE: If you missed the original broadcast last night Comedy Central has included the “director’s cut” of the Formidable Opponent segment featuring the 3rd Stephen disrupting anything he can. Check it out around the 3:45 mark. It’s Raining men, indeed.

• Episode 6039 (3/17/2010)
• Episode 6038 (3/16/2010)
• Episode 6037 (3/15/2010)
• Episode 6036 (3/11/2010)

EPISODE NUMBER: 5109 (August 11, 2009)
GUEST: James Carville, Jonathan Cohn
SEGMENTS: @StephensDrivingTips; Afghan Elections; Alpha Dog of the Week
VIDEOS: Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Stephen and his team were really firing on all cylinders tonight. Some of us were disappointed to not find StephensDrivingTips on Twitter, but I loved this whole segment and its host of websites, twitter accounts and magazines. (Is Read Me While Driving available on line?) I’m a sucker for the alternative universe of Stephen Colbert. And we got a new bike lane in New York straight to the Eagle’s Nest! And seeing the lead in to Carville’s interview, I now have a better understanding of Afghanistan and, to quote Stephen: “I had no idea Afghanistan was that f###ed-up!”

Should Betty Lichtenstein be Alpha Dog of the Year? I really enjoyed watching that one unfold… layer by layer. I guess that was Betty’s alternative universe.

I liked the interview with Jonathan Cohn – I wish the proponents of health care reform in the House and Senate would present such clear explanations of what it is they are trying to do. And Stephen is having way too much fun playing opposition to these guys. Thank you, Stephen, for reassuring the Nation that this show does not get canceled, but I’m a little worried about your one man death panel.

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite segment below and tell us about your favorite quotes in the comments.

• Episode 6039 (3/17/2010)
• Episode 6038 (3/16/2010)
• Episode 6037 (3/15/2010)
• Episode 6036 (3/11/2010)

EPISODE NUMBER: 5106 (August 5, 2009)
GUESTS: Joe Sestak, Kris Kobach
SEGMENTS: Bill Clinton’s personal appearance; 2010 Midterms; Human Week
VIDEOS: Tuesday, August 5, 2009

Did something happen during the pre-show Q&A between Stephen and a “handsome breed of woman” in the audience? Any Zoners there last night that can fill us in on ?

The importance Stephen gives Shark Week always makes me giggle. For those of us who don’t live in the US, maybe the more American zoners would care to share their thoughts on this cultural phenomenon.

And everybody let us know what you enjoyed about the show in the comments. Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

• Yesterday, Bill Clinton met with North Korean Dictator and First Lady Kim Jong Il and he charmed the pant suit off him.
• Where is that delicious sandwich? She must have left it there! Nation, our sandwich technology is in the hands of the North Koreans.
• They were at least 10 years away from the grinder. If they learn how to weaponize peppers, we’re looking at nuclear hoagies.
• I have not seen him that happy since he was campaigning for Barack Obama.
• Withdrawling’s a word!
• Romney is clearly stuck in campaign mode. His engineers may have to force quit and reboot his operating system.
• 2012 is two and a half years away. By then we’ll all be riding hover crafts and eating yeast mash.
• Who can forget the ‘94 midterms when Newt Gingrich led the Republican Revolution by making a Contract With America to restore fiscal responsibility and focus on b***jobs.
• Will the Republicans retake control of Congress? Or will the Democrats continue to let them run it, anyway?
• The most shocking twist of this laundry arrest: Stormy Daniel has clothes.
• Everyone knows there are only three appropriate things to shout at a church picnic: “How long can mayonnaise stay in the sun?”; “Shhhh, Uncle Ted. That’s racist”; and “I see Jesus in the peach cobbler!”
• I don’t know which is more frightening – how quickly he gives up secrets, or how much younger I looked one year ago.
• I am terrified of sharks because, first, I am delicious and, second, I use seal fat sunscreen.
• I’m sorry – he was talking about Glenn Beck.
• This is also Discovery’s ‘Self Contradiction Week’.
• You heard him right, folks: Vending Machines. So never go swimming with quarters in your pockets.
• We are certainly making America less attractive everyday.
• Not if Universal Health Care goes through. This place is going to be a death trap.

• Episode 6039 (3/17/2010)
• Episode 6038 (3/16/2010)
• Episode 6037 (3/15/2010)
• Episode 6036 (3/11/2010)