Episode 6160 (December 15, 2010) – Laird Hamilton

Colbert Report Episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 6160 (December 15, 2010)
GUESTS: Omar Wasow, Laird Hamilton
SEGMENTS: Scanner-Defying Pancakes, World War 3.0 – Omar Wasow, Tiny Triumphs – Lethal Drug Shortage, Laird Hamilton, Sign Off – Winter Fashion Tip
VIDEOS: Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Looks like the folks at The Colbert Report were getting into the Christmas spirit with all the red and green lighting on the set last night, not to mention the candy-cane stripes on the ‘columns’ behind our own Stephen-Claus.

Let me just get this out in the open right now, the TSA pancake report nearly did me in on so many levels. I was laughing so hard, I was crying, and as always, just when I was thinking, “Nah, he won’t actually eat that pants-cake,” he did, much to the squealing delight of the faithful (present company included). He always looks like a mischievous little boy when he elicits that kind of reaction from the audience. If you’re like me, you had to be asking, “How’d the TSA figure out the pancake-thing in the first place?” Well kids, they aren’t talking about pancakes you’d eat, but rather ones made out of an explosive material called PETN. The little Pillsbury guy and Aunt Jemimah can breathe a sigh of relief that they won’t be going through airport security in someone’s trousers anytime in the near future … we hope. And how perfect for ‘Stephen” to take a benign headline, and twist it into something wholly absurd! The thought that some poor sap might actually pad his privates with pancakes, thinking it will save him some embarrassment going through security, is in for a sad awakening. On the up side, to the people who work in airport security, breakfast is served, but it’s BYOS.

I love it when Stephen gets out his old, green, Mac computer because it reminds me of the good ol’ days when it took you a week to log onto the internet, and once online, a day to open an email. Good times! You know Zoners, I had a Mac like that except mine wasn’t green, but instead looked like it had clouds on it. That’s right. I was cool like that. Incidentally, how long do you think it took the watchdogs at Wikipedia to lock down the pages on Tommy Lee Jones and snow-globes? “Stephen” is SUCH a bad boy!

If you haven’t checked out the book, The Wave, by Susan Casey, (the one which Laird Hamilton was on TCR to promote) you really should. When Casey was on the ‘Daily Show’ discussing her book with Jon Stewart, she told an amazing story of Laird actually saving the life of his tow-surfing partner in a very MacGuyver-esque way (to borrow her phraseology). I’m tellin ya, it is an amazing book, kids! Oh, and by the way, how awesome was it that Laird was wearing flip-flops!

What did you guys think? Leave your comments!

  • Tonight! America is at cyber-war, and LOL-Catz are saying, “I Kan Haz WMDs.”
  • Yeah, like 72 virgins are going to spend eternity with THOSE love handles!
  • Oh my God! I just made an irregularly shaped ‘pants-cake’!
  • From now on, we can use strategically placed pancakes to cover our sausage and eggs.
  • By the time you get to your seat, you’re ready to lean back, unzip, annnnd pull out your flap-jack.
  • Oh man, that would be great covered in syrup. But, I should probably save some for the pancake.
  • I don’t want to see that on ebay.
  • Suddenly, there was no place to see those Wikileaks’ documents…except everywhere.
  • Come on Anonymous! First you’re an alcoholic, and now this?! Get it together!
  • Nice try, hackers. But if you want to turn MY electronic devices against me, you’ll have to get past the big layer of fat on my fat head your teleprompter is ours Colbert! Dammit, hackers!
  • At least they think it was a 16 year old boy. When his mom knocked on his bedroom door and asked why it was locked, he screamed, “I’m hacking the Mastercard site, go away!”
  • Oh no! With the Dutch police crippled, who will keep the pot-cafes open and prostitutes on the streets?
  • I don’t wanna brag, but I’m the reason Tommy Lee Jones’ Wikipedia page says he’s terrified of snow-globes.
  • Wasow: You’re like an OG – An Original Geek!
  • See, no one’s gonna guess mine, cuz it’s razzleberry!
  • Last question, and this is probably the most important question in this cyber-war. What does the F11 key do? Because I push it and nothing happens. Am I shutting down web-sites in Europe?
  • Evidently, the bottle had passed it’s ‘kill-by’ date.
  • Arizona agreed to lend California a cup of death.
  • And don’t think that act of charity went unappreciated. California’s Dept of Corrections Undersecretary, Scott Kernan, went out of his way to send a thank-you email, writing, and I QUOTE, “…You guys in AZ are life savers…”
  • Here’s my first question. Which of you lets it go and gets fat first?
  • So there’s a plus side. All the eco-systems are wiped out, but you get a tasty wave!
  • To just calm down at night, do you go home, throw yourself in the washing machine, and set it on a quick spin-cycle?


  1. pancakes!


    I plead the Fifth!

    I think it was the other way around on the Hamilton guy, if I recall it was his tow-surfing partner who saved Hamilton. I can’t check right now, at work.

  2. Mr. Arkadin says:

    LoriE: I don’t think you want to imply that Stephen ate his “Pants-cake.” Because….well…um…Wasn’t that his euphemism for cr@ping his pants? And that would be very,very,gross.

    What was the deal on the Toss last night? It looked like it was going to be really epic & then…The worst, clumsiest edit in TDS history! (And that’s saying something!) WTF happened!
    Yeah, it was still great to see that THEY enjoyed themselves. But I would have loved to see the whole thing! :(

    • Boy, did we get different euphemisms from that scene! I’m pretty sure the pancake was there to cover the frontal area that one would presumably not want to be scanned. So it was being used as a sort of a wrap, a hot dog burrito if you will.

      • Mr. Arkadin says:

        I know the PANCAKE was to cover his junk, but he used the term “PANTS-CAKE” to indicate he was scared of the terrorist using pancakes to get explosives on airplanes that he spoiled himself. Thus making “an irregularly shaped Pants-cake in my pants.”

        After writing and reading this, I can honestly say I regret bringing the whole thing up!

    • Haha! Which was all the more fun in writing it! (yes, sometimes I have the sense of humor of a 12 yr old boy). I honestly dont know what was up with the toss (no pun intended) but I still like seeing those two interact. They seem to get such joy out of just talking to one another, it’s almost contagious.

      @Eris…No, it was Hamilton who was the hero. Brett Lickle was driving the jet-ski, towing Laird, when they got caught in the impact zone of one wave after another, during which time, the aluminum fin on Laird’s board flayed Lickle’s calf open. Laird stripped off his neoprene wetsuit and used it as a tourniquet, strapped him to a flotation vest, then swam about 800 yards to their jet-ski. The ignition switch was blown during the tossing around in the waves, so Laird used some iPod headphones that were in the storage compartment to hot-wire the ski. Then he picked up Lickle and went in to shore, where he continued to provide first aid (still nekkid, mind you) until paramedics arrived. Finally someone loaned him some surfer shorts, and once Brett was in an ambulance, he went back out into the waves. Handsome and a hero! I dont think MacGuyver could’ve done it better!

      @ Angela…I agree! The syrup line was the death of me!!!

      @Aaron…Yeah, I didnt want to say too much about that segment because the whole thing just really bothered me. Not that TCR were talking about it, but that the state of California, and subsequently the news media that reported on the entire situation, seemed so flippant and callous.

  3. California’s Dept of Corrections Undersecretary, Scott Kernan, went out of his way to send a thank-you email, writing, and I QUOTE, “…You guys in AZ are life savers…”

    This, along with the pancake bit, was the part I about laughed my ass off over. That line just so perfectly capped an already bizarre story. Seriously, what the hell…? I actually feel sort of bad for the person being put to death.

    Yeah. The pancake bit was just insane (and the syrup line gave me some…uh…interesting images…ehem. I think I actually blushed a bit at that). Thanks for clarifying exactly what kind of pancake would actually be used, though. Still a really strange story nonetheless, but hey, we wouldn’t have these hilarious moments without them.

    And Hamilton, yeah, you can’t possibly tell at ALL that he’s a surfer. Nope. No way. I liked Stephen’s question about making a bad choice with your life when they showed that clip of him surfing-those people are crazy. But hey, if it gets ’em going…*Shrugs*.

  4. I had to vote for the “lethal drug shortage” segment. It was definitely one of those segments where instead of laughing, I just shake my head and say, “…idiots.” For me, the story smacked of that perfect mix of the strange, stupid, and hilarious, which can only occur in the U.S. What also cracks me up, is the thought that they may have had some of the drug, but just not enough (“…yeah, just give him X-amount. It’ll take a couple more hours for him to kick it, but it’ll work eventually… right?”).

  5. lockhart43 says:

    I was going to save this until the Fangirl Suit Report, but I can’t hold it in any longer: Stephen’s hair looks amazing this week. I love when he gets a haircut, it makes him look all the more fantastic. :D

    Watching Stephen wait for his dial-up internet on his old school Mac was my favorite moment of the night. I feel like he wasn’t anticipating on it going on for as long as it did, because he was smirking half-way through. And when he put his head on his desk, I just cracked up. I love when they take a bit and drag it on for a ridiculous amount of time; it just makes me laugh harder and harder the longer it goes. :)

  6. Caoilfhiann says:

    I almost miss those dial-up days. I could boot up my computer and go take a shower. Then while I connected to the internet, I’d dry my hair. I’d click on a link and go get dressed, eat breakfast, rotate the tires on my car… I got a lot more done in those days.

  7. Karenatasha says:

    I can’t think of anything to say that I haven’t said before about the wonder that is TCR, especially this week. So just… AWESOME.

    And still tonight to come!

  8. Is there anyone else who lives in Australia and watches the show on ABC2?

    Was i crazy or did they repeat the Stephen Sondheim episode instead of showing this one? I freaked out for a second before settling in to enjoy the episode just as much as before, particularly happy to watch the interview again (singing!!). Then I went and watched the videos for the Laird Hamilton Episode at colbertnation.com. It so wasn’t the same! I really hope everything’s back to normal this evening, i really want to see amy sedaris (queue squealing) on TV, I find it more enjoyable than loading vids on the computer. I hope they get back on track and that they don’t show the laird hamilton ep tonight. The Daily Show was as per usual though.

    • Hey Bleu, yeah a few of us in Oz had words to say about the re-run on Twitter. At the start of the show, I found myself frowning and thinking, “why is Stephen wearing that tie again? OH WAIT A MINUTE!!!”
      We’ll have to see what happens tonight, we might end up getting Amy on Monday instead of a Global Edition?

      Anyway, I *had* to grab this ep to see the ludicrously hilarious pancake skit. <3

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