EPISODE NUMBER: 6158 (December 13, 2010)
GUESTS: Patti Smith
SEGMENTS: Found Goldman Sachs MasterCard, The WØRD: Swift Payment, Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude
VIDEOS: Monday, December 13, 2010
Hey, kids! I’m the designated hitter for today’s episode guide, and what promises to be a great week got off to a strong start with last night’s show. I’m not surprised that Stephen is having a hard time finding a Wall Street banker who’s willing to appear on the Report. They probably have a pretty good idea what they’d be in for if they did appear. But I have to think that Buckley T. Ratchford is taking a fair amount of ribbing from friends and colleagues today after Stephen tried to blackmail him into coming on the show by threatening to reveal his credit card number. It’s going to be hard to live that one down. We’ll have to see how effective this “threat” is, although if Buckley T. is a Colbert fan, maybe he’ll take his chances.
I hadn’t heard about the latest global warming solution from Fonda survivor and part-time nutjob Ted Turner. Controlling reproduction rights by limiting couples to one child, and then allowing the poor to sell their reproduction rights to the rich is one of the most ridiculous ideas I’ve ever encountered. So it seemed appropriate for Stephen to refer back to Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal, which, if you’re not familiar with it, suggests that the Irish (always troublesome to the English back in Swift’s day) sell their children as food for the rich. It was a brilliant connection between Swift’s “proposal” and Turner’s idea that got there through Turner’s earlier statement that in 30 or 40 years the few remnants of humanity left on the planet will turn to cannibalism. I love that Stephen and his writers assume that their audience is intelligent enough to follow them along whatever intellectual path they take to get to the laughs.
I have a strange fondness for tacky Christmas decorations, but I have to say, that red, white, and blue Christ-mas tree from Boss Creations is truly awful. It is surpassed in its extreme fugliness only by this monstrosity that Zoner Lilimich tweeted a few days ago. And I didn’t know what to expect from the interview with Patti Smith, but I found it interesting and enjoyable. I wish she had talked just a bit more about the New York scene in the 1970s, because that would have been fascinating. I liked her honesty about getting awards.
I thought Richard Holbrooke had appeared on the Report at some point, but I couldn’t remember when until I saw the short clip at the end of the show of Holbrooke singing with Stephen and Willie Nelson. It was back in March of 2007, just around the time that Stephen’s Americone Dream ice cream began appearing in supermarkets. Holbrooke mediated the ice cream taste-off between Willie and Stephen that happened earlier in that show. I’m glad Stephen chose to acknowledge the sad news of Holbrooke’s passing with a lighthearted moment.
So what did you all think of the show? Let us know in the comments, and don’t forget to vote in the poll!
- The only chestnuts they want to see roasting on an open fire are the ones attached to Wall Street bankers.
- You see, in China, you can have only one child. That makes sure that the only big brother you’ll ever have is Big Brother. [Hu's Your Daddy]
- Some people see life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as Constitutional rights. But visionaries like Ted Turner see them as menu options. [No Kids Menu For You!]
- If we don’t control global warming, Ted Turner is going cannibal. [Reason Larry King Is "Retiring"]
- I even found some great preparation tips by a guy named Jon Swift. I think he was a famous cook back in England. [Won "Iron Chef: Eighteenth Century"]
- Just watch your portion size. Otherwise those chubby thighs will go right to your chubby thighs.
- It’s crazy! It’s totally insane! It’s like they’re making this stuff up… which they are!
- Well how was Gretchen supposed to know? She had such a trustworthy source… an anonymous, slurring woman hanging around a school at night.
- It’s like George Washington and Jesus teamed up and declared independence from taste.
- Best of all, this tree can be used year-round. Christmas, Flag Day, Fourth of July, hell, this thing would look pretty good in a gay pride parade.
- Patti Smith: I don’t work to win an award, but if I get one, I’m really happy. Stephen: Me too.
- Patti Smith: It’s like being a mother, you have to– It’s a full time job. Stephen: That’s why I’m a father.