Episode 6155 (12/7/2010) – David Eisenhower & Julie Nixon Eisenhower

Colbert Report Episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 6155 (December 7, 2010)
GUESTS: David Eisenhower and Julie Nixon Eisenhower
SEGMENTS: Extension of the Bush Tax Cuts, Mysteries of the Ancient Unknown – The Pursuit of the Pharaoh’s Phallus Pt. 2, Poll to Repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
VIDEOS: Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hello kids! Last night was another great show, but seriously, I really have to stop trying to put on my make-up while watching it online every morning. Suffice it to say, my eyeliner only looks good if you’re looking at me, while standing on your head, and with one eye closed. But enough of that, let’s get to it. What d’ya say?

First of all…New Colbertism in the opening credits kiddies – “Deck the Balls”!! Glad to see everyone at The Colbert Report getting into the holiday spirit, huh? However, once again, the economy (or lack thereof) and the repeal of DADT were in the news, and therefore on our hero’s mind. I always love how Stephen can take these really ‘downer’ subjects, and find a way to make us laugh, and he didn’t disappoint last night. Needless to say that the sad state of Colbert’s Louis Vuitton balloon was a perfect metaphor for America’s economy even if it wasn’t planned that way. Oh, and Stephen’s helium-voice? Yeah. (*sing-song voice*) ADORKABLE! As far as DADT is concerned, my little dog now thinks I’m TOTALLY nuts, because I was actually applauding the comparison of America’s anti-gay sentiment to that of the Taliban. I always love it when Colbert and Co. wait til the end of a segment to deliver a flawless knock-out punch like that. It is indeed a thing of brilliance and beauty.

We also wrapped up Stephen’s ‘award-defeating’ series, “Mysteries of the Ancient Unknown – The Pursuit of the Pharaoh’s Phallus” last night. Spoiler alert: It was hilarious! However, I think a more apt title for this series might have been, “Mysteries of the Ancient Unknown – Or How Many Times Can Stephen Say or Reference the Word ‘Penis’ in One 7-Minute Segment?” Just a thought.

Oh my goodness! How adorable is it that David and Julie Nixon Eisenhower have known each other since they were eight years old? That photo of them with two icons of American history was amazing, wasn’t it? How awesome to grow up in that era, with THOSE people! And, I think Stephen was really enjoying listening to the couple reminisce about growing up in the midst of history, I know I was.

What did you Zoners think of the show? Leave your comments!

  • Yes! Changing nothing is the fresh injection of sameness that our stagnant economy needs!
  • It’s hard to tell because it got destroyed on the descent, but my balloon was made by Louis Vuitton.
  • And by jokes, I mean information.
  • You just go to Google Images, put in the word ‘penis’, and your research is almost done for you.
  • I wouldn’t know. I’ve never smoked a penis before.
  • You know that denial is not just a river in Egypt, right? I’m sorry. I’m being told that it IS just a river in Egypt. I did not know that. (An oldie, but a goodie)
  • Did you hear that, Dr. Zahi Hawass? Ball’s in your court. Actually, I’m not sure we know where the balls are either.
  • Do homosexuals have an expiration date? Best if gay by…?
  • When you’re in combat, the number one thought in your mind as bullets are whizzing overhead is, ” I hope the guy who just saved my ass, wasn’t saving it for later.”
  • And if no one in our military wants to deny gays the right to fight and die for their country, then I say we need to ask people who share our traditional anti-gay values…the Taliban. It’s only fair. After all, it’s their war too!
  • Oh, you don’t have to tell me. I’m a HUGE Warren-head!
  • When they ask you to spell ‘Eisenhower’, do you ever say, “He defeated Hitler!!”?
  • ‘Sardines’ in college? That’s a TOTALLY different game in college.


  1. I’m an anthropology grad student, so the King Tut stuff just kills me. Especially the bit about the hinges. “Did you know this when you got into Egyptology?!” Next time one of my professors gets overly enthusiastic about something relatively small, I plan to mock them in much the same way.

    C’mon, Dr. Hawas! You know you want to take Stephen on a dig/penis search-and- rescue with you. I mean, what could go wrong?

  2. marleygirl84 says:

    That may be one of the cutest character breaks I’ve seen yet! Mainly because Stephen completely lost his head for a minute and forgot that his character doesn’t tell jokes, he gives “information”. I forgot too, so when he said that I laughed harder than I have in a while.

    I loved the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell segment, completely perfect in every way. My favorite part of King Tut’s Penis was Stephen mocking that guy for caring about hinges LOL.
    This was definitely an episode that had me beaming for hours afterward.

    ReCaptcha: Stephen trinfary (what is a trinfary???)

  3. friedthing says:

    Ask and you shall receive! “Penis” is said 24 times in 6 minutes and 55 seconds.

    • THIS made me LOL!

      Did you include “tiger dong” in the count? It IS a penis reference, after all! ROTFL

      Hmmm….24 huh? That’s a penis every 17.29 seconds. (You people DO realize of course, that I am fighting the urge to become a 13 year old boy right now, right?)

      Capptcha – Isente two (Must. Fight. Urge.)

      • friedthing says:

        No, only the word “penis,” but somebody should count up ALL words referring to penises (wait, I think it’s “penes”) in both segments total :).

    • Would that be ‘pen-i’??

      Are we putting WAY too much thought into this?? LOL

      • friedthing says:

        I think it’s like crisis/crises, so penis/penes. But I’m pretty sure no one says that. And yes, we are putting far too much thought into this ;).

      • LMAO! You two are killing me!

        The Tut segments and the interviews the past two nights have been really good.

    • If I were not at work, I would SO be counting penes.
      Wait, that doesn’t sound right…

    • lockhart43 says:

      The immature, giggling little kid in me completely loved this whole back-and-forth between you two. And I’m okay with that. :P

      I’m oddly glad that you actually counted how many times the word ‘penis’ was uttered during this segment, because last night as I was watching it, I totally wondered what the number was, ha!

      • LOL Glad to make you smile Lockhart43!

        Ok, so got home, fed my little dog, and then counted all penis references. And the grand total for BOTH segments is…….(Drum roll please) 44!!

        Ok, so that wasn’t all that dramatic. But, still. That’s a penis (or reference thereof) every 9.43181818 seconds! Holy cats, Batman!! That’s alot of shvantz!!!

        Sadly, the very fact that I did this is a clear sign that I need a hobby. :-/

    • …. and SCENE!

      Movin’ on …

    • Wow. Now that is attention to detail! Thanks for the final tally, though-I was sitting there during the entire segment wondering what the final tally for use of that word would be as well! I don’t think I’ve ever heard that word said THAT much in such a short time frame.

      What an entertaining conclusion to an insane investigation. I was cracking up over the Google and penis photoshopping stuff, myself, that was hysterical. And my mom, afterward, just sort of remarked how sick a man Stephen was (jokingly) :D. He’s definitely weird and crazy. But that’s why we love him.

      When you’re in combat, the number one thought in your mind as bullets are whizzing overhead is, ” I hope the guy who just saved my ass, wasn’t saving it for later.”

      I seriously actually cheered and pumped my fists in the air when I heard him say that. I’ve been saying pretty much the EXACT same thing for some time now (phrased a little differently, but still the same sentiment), and it was SO nice to hear it being echoed on TV. It’s not an argument that comes up nearly enough. In a war zone, surviving is the most important thing. Nothing else matters. And his comment about asking the terrorists their thoughts on DADT at the end? Perfect. Very sly way to make the point.

      I too loved the picture of David Eisenhower and his wife Julie from when they were kids. That was incredibly cute. Who’d have thought? I agree, David did seem to do a lot more of the talking, but ah, well, I get the feeling that’s nothing new for them. They clearly make a good couple, and the discussion was fascinating nonetheless.

  4. Nice interview; definitely falls into the category of “I wish they had more time.” My only real disappointment, however, was that it seemed as if Julie Nixon Eisenhower didn’t get the chance to speak very much, David did all the talking.

  5. lockhart43 says:

    Stephen’s helium voice was very cute and goofy. Loved the break after the balloon drop, that was one of the most ADORABLE character breaks I’ve ever seen! Granted, they’re all adorable, but you get what I mean ;). I just love how quick Stephen jumped back into character and tried to cover up the break by correcting himself and saying “of course, by jokes I mean information.” He is nothing if not self-aware, lol. And of course, Part 2 of the King Tut segment was hilarious. The back and forth between Stephen and Dr. Silverman about penis smoking had me keeled over with laughter!

    David and Julie Eisenhower seem like really sweet people, I really enjoyed that interview. But I do agree with Aaron B. – it would have been nice to hear a bit more from Julie, especially some stories about her father. I know the book they wrote was about Ike, but I would have loved to hear a story about Nixon.

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