Episode 6153 (12/2/2010) – David Stockman

Colbert Report Episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 6153 (December 3, 2010)
GUESTS: David Stockman
SEGMENTS: John Thune Looks Presidential, The WØRD – The Great White Wail, The Blitzkrieg On Grinchitude – Atheist Billboard & Capitol Christmas Tree
VIDEOS: Thursday, December 2, 2010

Tonight’s episode guide is written by guest blogger and Zoner Lori E. Make sure to follow Lori on Twitter!

Well, once again Zoners, we find ourselves at the end of yet another broadcast week of The Colbert Report. I know, I know. Try to stay brave. Does anyone else ever feel like Thursdays are the end of a really great date that you just don’t want to be over with yet? Like you want to suggest we all go out to the all-night diner around the corner, and watch the sun rise over pancakes and really bad coffee? Only, we won’t mind how bad the coffee is because it’ll be a charming part of the story we tell our grandchildren one day. Or is that just me?

Having said that, let’s dish about tonight’s rendezvous, shall we? Oh yes, we’re going to laugh and tell, because we Zoners are cool like that. First up, we learned that European gambling sites like InTrade and BetFair are already laying odds on who will be the Republican nominee for President in 2012. Interestingly enough, in third place is South Dakota Senator, John Thune. Why? Presumably based on the fact that, according to Politico, “…he looks like a President.” Don’t discount this logic, kids. After all, it might explain some nominations on BOTH sides of the aisle. Personally, based on this criteria, my vote would have to go to either Senator Guy-Who-Came-with-the-Picture-Frame, or Governor Guy-on-the-Just-for-Men-Box. Sorry, Congressman Viagra-Website-Model, but I’m just not confident your mind would always be on the betterment of our country. However, we did have Bill Clinton…

Congress’ settlement of the $4.6 billion Pigford claim brought us to yet another favored segment, The WØRD. I always love that the characterization of the bullet-points seems to be a rather exasperated partner of “Stephen’s”. Tonight, the beleaguered bullet-points had much to say as the Commander-in-Chief of the Colbert Nation bemoaned the fact that as a European male, he is part of the most persecuted minority – the majority. And he is not alone in his complaint. Enter Iowa Representative, and vacant stare record-holder, Steve King, who was shown expostulating (don’t you just love thesaurus apps?) on the floor of the House, referring to Barack Obama as “…very, very urban.” Rep. King went on to imply that as a Senator, Obama introduced the legislation that created a whole new Pigford claim, simply to get minority votes for his 2008 Presidential bid. Then of course, the topic of white, male oppression wouldn’t be complete without hearing from Chief Sweats-Like-a-Hog, Rush Limbaugh. The porcine pundit’s contribution the the conversation was that Native Americans are to blame for all the deaths due to lung cancer in this country, because, after all, it was them who introduced smoking tobacco to the white people. Representative Corn-packer and Chief Sweltering Swine are right! This claim was nothing more than reparations made to people who unjustly claim discrimination. After all, what did we do, other than introduce a multitude of diseases to a people, killing off millions, then steal their sacred lands and treat them like 4th class citizens since the dawning of American history? Or, kidnap people from their native lands, bring them here and force them to work in deplorable conditions with violence, then continue to persecute them for another 100 years? I mean who is the REAL victim here? That’s right Nation…it’s Stephen! Shame on you Congress, for continuing to be a contention for the CEO of our CN!

Next, Stephen launched his annual counter-attack to the War on Christmas, The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude. Our own Stephen Claus is tired of people forgetting that this season is about Jesus Christ, and the sacrifices that He made for all man-kind, including the ultimate one, having His birthday on Christmas, thus cutting His gift total in half. It seems atheists have erected a billboard outside the Lincoln Tunnel, featuring a silhouette of the nativity with the words, “You KNOW it’s a MYTH.” Not to be outdone, the Catholic League has erected a “counter-punch” billboard at the other end of the Lincoln Tunnel that says, “You KNOW it’s real. This Season, Celebrate Jesus.” Who knew that the Lincoln Tunnel was the most sacred place in all of the New York and New Jersey? I mean, I know Sully was able to make a plane seemingly walk on the water in the Hudson River, but really?? Also, we discovered that the Capitol Christmas Tree has it’s own Twitter account – @TrackTheTree. That’s right, a Twitter account for yet another inanimate object. Glad to see that the Congressional Twitter accounts aren’t alone.

Thursday’s interview was with David Stockman, Pres. Ronald Reagan’s former Budget Director. When Stephen has a guest on that is an expert in the field of economics, it’s always fascinating, and last night’s show was no exception. Mr. Stockman likened the last 30 years in America to a party, “…like none other in history,” further saying that it is time for the country to, “…sober up.” It never ceases to amaze me that in the past 30 years, we have grown our National debt from $1 trillion dollars to $14 trillion. This type of growth is great if you’re talking about a Sequoia tree, but not a debt for our country. That is alarming! In Stockman’s words, “We are burying our children and our grandchildren in this debt, and it needs to stop.”

While Mr. Stockman was making some good points, he seemed to want to be more amusing than serious, at times. I must admit, I really enjoy when “Stephen’s” guests do this, because it gives us a chance to see Stephen a bit more. He has always shown his viewers just how incredibly knowledgeable he is on a plethora of subjects, and did not disappoint his faithful last night. As usual, Colbert was able to draw out the information he sought, while allowing his guest to have a little fun and laugh. Stephen has oft times referred to the Report as a joy-machine and it’s obvious he wants to let his guests partake of the joy as well. After all, what is “edu-tainment”, without the “tainment”? It would just be “edu”, which sounds like a really boring color to paint your walls.

What did all of you love most about the show? Leave it in the comments!

Colbert Report - December 3, 2010

  • NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life. Unfortunately, it won’t date them either.
  • He is so unknown, that he doesn’t even come up in games of “Name That Thune.”
  • Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour is 9th in InTrade’s list for GOP candidates, but 1st on their list for Racist Sheriff / BBQ Champion.
  • The GOP should definitely look for more candidates who have “Presidentseemingness…”
  • This year, I’m putting extra Christ in there, by wishing everybody a Merry Christ Christmas Christ.
  • A myth? What part of three kings following a star through the desert to bring presents to an immaculately conceived baby-God they dreamt of sounds like a myth to you? There’s no Minotaur in there!
  • Come out? He’s not just trying to make us atheists! He’s trying to make us GAY-theists!
  • Yes! Just like Jesus says, if someone slaps you on the cheek, COUNTER-PUNCH!
  • These provocative billboards competing for drivers’ attention have led the Tunnel Authority to put up a billboard of their own, “Jesus Christ, look where you’re driving!”
  • That lighting ceremony will be presided over by Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, who will finally meet something that can out-blink her.
  • Good morning sun! It’s my 234th birthday. Oh, look, some lumberjacks are coming to help me celebrate. Oh God! They’re hacking at my shins!
  • So cold. Sap everywhere. They’re chaining me to a truck. Tell my pine cones that I love them.
  • They’re dressing me up in tinsel and lights like a cheap whore, and they’re making the children watch. Oh, I’m sorry. That last tweet was from Kim Kardashian.
  • You knew Reagan. Did you have to wear sunscreen around the guy? Did he ever split logs with his bare hands in the middle of a cabinet meeting? Is it true that he and Tip O’Neill used to wrestle bare-chested over legislation?
  • OK, afterwards. Perhaps over a potato.


Comments

  1. friedthing says:

    A partial list of people directly insulted by “Stephen” last night:
    Muslims
    scientists
    Haley Barbour
    black people
    Native Americans
    Steve King
    Rush Limbaugh
    Nancy Pelosi
    Kim Kardashian

    Of course there were the usual satirical jabs, but the number of people who got biting one-liners and such seemed higher than usual! Guess the writers were feeling particularly combative these last couple days :)

    My favorite line was probably the “counter-punch” line, though. He delivered it so well!

    • lockhart43 says:

      It’s a good thing I’m here at work by myself, because as soon as I read this, I laughed out loud SO hard! When you can make a list of all of the people insulted by “Stephen” from just one episode, you know it’s a good show. :P

    • Ahhh, and let’s not forget pigs and/or hogs.
      Yes, it would seem they all wanted to end their week with a COUNTER-PUNCH!!

  2. To all those who pick candidates based upon how “Presidential” they look, Warren G. Harding. Just sayin’.

    The Word was hysterically funny!

  3. John Charles Frémont…’Nough said.

    He looks like a reject from some weird ballet company. LOL

  4. lockhart43 says:

    I loved the Blitzkrieg On Grinchitude (the “Jesus Christ, look where you’re driving!” billboard cracked me up, and I never tire of Stephen’s revisionist Bible passages), but The Word was f-ing BRILLIANT. It’s now right up there with “Blackwashing” as one of my favorite Words of all time. Every statement by Stephen and every bullet-point was a direct hit. I especially loved the delayed audience response to [Not To Stephen’s Club, But You’re Welcome] – you can just tell when the lightbulb goes off in everyone’s head (including mine). And this: “And how about some cash for my ancestor’s tennis elbow, or as it was known in slave times, whippin’ wrist?” [Jefferson Called It “Foreplay”] is one of the ballsiest things I’ve ever heard. God, I love this show. :D

    • Mr. Arkadin says:

      “…but The Word was f-ing BRILLIANT.”
      Your so right! I think my favorite “The Word” are the ones where I get the feeling that Stephen, the writers, or most likely both, are righteously indignant about something. And IMHO “The Great White Wail” fall into that category. Don’t get me wrong, it was still funny as hell! But I think that King’s truly racist “very, very urban” & Limbaugh’s appallingly absurd comments set the folks at TCR off. And their response to those two idiots was quite sublime & shows (once again) what geniuses they are.

      • lockhart43 says:

        “Righteously indignant” – I like that phrase very, very much. :)
        That’s exactly why I loved The Word last night, because it was that biting satire. Every line was essentially an uppercut to something or somebody, they just told it through a joke. Some of the bullet points or lines from Stephen just took my breath away; one of those moments where you can’t believe Stephen just said what he said, but he did and you’re so, so happy for it. If you can get me laughing and thinking at the same time, then I’ll love you forever, and both Jon and Stephen do that on a nightly basis.

    • I loved the Blitzkrieg On Grinchitude (the “Jesus Christ, look where you’re driving!” billboard cracked me up, and I never tire of Stephen’s revisionist Bible passages)

      That cracked me up, too, ’cause I was thinking the exact same thing before he showed that billboard :D. I was trying to imagine drivers looking back and forth between both signs and was like, “But how are you going to pay attention to the road…?”

      I always love it when Stephen takes on religion and its more absurd moments-it’s nice to see someone with the religious background he has willing to point out where religion is failing people (as well as the moments when it gives us good things). Seriously, this “war on Christmas” stuff has to stop on both ends. Atheists need to quit getting so offended over every single religious symbol, and religious people need to figure out that some of their “expression” of their faith will come off as offensive or excessively showy to people. Everyone should focus more on caring about each other than figuring out who’s “right” in terms of religious belief. /end rant

      And this: “And how about some cash for my ancestor’s tennis elbow, or as it was known in slave times, whippin’ wrist?” [Jefferson Called It “Foreplay”] is one of the ballsiest things I’ve ever heard.

      I LOVED that, too-definitely an “Oh, my god…” moment. Ballsy, indeed, I seriously can’t believe the stuff they get away with sometimes on here. The “Word” segment will always be my favorite of all the show’s segments-every time it comes on I actually say, “Yay!” It was what got me hooked on the show in the first place (saw one where he talked about Bush being powerless because Dana Perino said Bush wasn’t a superhero). I think the “Word” best expresses everything Stephen and the viewers are feeling about a subject, and I love how they weave all these tangents together and still manage to tie it all up so neatly in a single word. It’s fascinating.

      I liked the interview as well, I didn’t notice the criticisms others had, I was just too busy being in awe that someone from the Reagan days was saying so much stuff that desperately needed to be said (especially to Republicans, about tax cuts and defense). I’d love it if he could help aid the government in fixing our economic woes.

      Really loved the show, and I fully agree, Thursday nights always make me a bit sad…we have to wait until Monday again? Sigh.

  5. Christiane says:

    Oh man The Word was awesome. I kept fistpumping and laughing. Stephen was on FIRE!

  6. The Word was so brilliant and so hilarious. It never ceases to amaze me how much they get away with on this show.

    One of the local news broadcasts tonight had a segment on silly Twitter accounts, and sure enough @TracktheTree was mentioned complete with clips from the show. I see the tree is now tweeting @StephenAtHome about an interview. Wonder if there will be a tweet-erview before Christmas?

  7. I did find the interview interesting, but I thought David Stockman was trying too hard to be funny. I got the feeling he thinks he’s an it-getter, but isn’t really. It annoyed me the way he kept looking at the audience, as if he were looking for a laugh. And when he said “all the states that won’t permit you to come, that would be most of the country,” … trying to be funny, okay, but considering he was in front of “Stephen”/Stephen’s audience, talking to “Stephen” and not Stephen, that one seemed a tad mean, especially after “Stephen” said what a huge fan he was.

    … did that last bit make sense? I’m sure it could have been put more eloquently.

    On another note,the Word (as has been said) was brilliant, the Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude was hysterical, and an excellent and funny episode recap!

    • True. Sometimes people try too hard to be funny. Who knows, maybe he was trying to make points with his grand-kids or something. However, I do sometimes (read: most times) like the situation because that’s when Stephen comes out and shows off his own encyclopedic knowledge of just about everything. But you’re right, it’s really annoying when the guests keeps looking at the audience for validation. If yo do it in a confident manner, like say, Richard Branson, it works. But if you do it in a sort of brown-nose-y way, it just doesn’t work.

      The WØRD is always one of my favorite segments on the show. As I was watching it, there were times I actually did one of those soap opera-esque hand-to-the-mouth sort of gasps. Especially when “whippin wrist” popped up on the bullet-point, immediately followed by “Jefferson called it foreplay”. This is why I watch the show. When Stephen and Co. deliver a biting commentary on the idiots in power in this country, it makes me feel a little better about man-kind. Rep. King is a racist of the first order, just like Rush Limbaugh. Don’t forget, it was King who suggested building a fence along our border and topping it with electrified razor-wire, saying, “We do it to livestock all the time,” in essence equating illegal immigrants with cattle.

      And Rush Limbaugh? UGH! Words cannot begin to describe my utter distaste for this man. Just UGH!

      Glad you liked the recap! Thanks!! I’ll try to not make them quite so word-y in the future. As you might have noticed, I like to talk…alot. Like, ALOT-alot. :D

If you're new to our Zoner community, please read the No Fact Zone Comment Policy before commenting. Thank you!