EPISODE NUMBER: 6152 (December 1, 2010, 2010)
GUESTS: Jake Tapper, Michelle Rhee
SEGMENTS: Happy Chanukah, The Return of the Estate Tax, Lame Duck Congress, Cheating Death
VIDEOS: Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tonight’s episode guide is written by guest blogger and Zoner Lori E. Thanks for pinch hitting for a couple of days – and on cold meds no less! Make sure to follow Lori on Twitter!
As much as we all mourn those times when we are without new episodes of our beloved Colbert Report, two things are always true: (1) Stephen and company most definitely deserved the break, National Holiday or not, and (2) whenever they return, the shows are always even more stellar than before. This week has been proof of that, and Wednesday night’s show did not disappoint.
With everyone still grinning at the Wednesday night’s appearance by P. Dinelly, Colbertians the world over were rearing to go and so was “Stephen”. He began the night wishing his Jewish viewers a Happy Chanukah, advising them to keep fire extinguishers at the ready when lighting their Menorahs. Then he jumped right into to his report about the return of the Estate Tax on December 31st. Our fearless leader began with a clip from Fox-News’ resident badger, Judge Andrew Napoletano, (seriously, what is up with this guys hair?), then followed with one from Iowa’s Rep. Steve King, using one of my favorite lines from his Congressional testimony earlier this fall, corn-packer. Kids, words cannot begin to express the joy I felt hearing “Stephen” get to call Mr. King a corn-packer once more.
Once more, the brilliance in the Report is that once “Stephen” comes to the precipice of a joke, he never hesitates, but instead leaps to places you just never thought he’d go. While talking about his dear, wealthy, Great-Uncle Woodrow, we just didn’t think he would go there, but then, he brought out the recordable Christmas card, of course the pillow embroidered with the words “Good Night”. Unfortunately, the print of the embroidery was small, so of course, “Stephen” would have to hold the pillow very close to Uncle Woody’s face…for as long as it takes.
Next up, was the discussion of the “Lame Duck Congress” with ABC’s Sr. White House Correspondent, Jake Tapper. On the agenda of the Democrats, among other items, are the passage of the DREAM Act and the repeal of DADT. This is Mr. Tapper’s second appearance on The Report, and it’s always good to see a return by friends of the show. Thankfully, Jake was able to quell “Stephen’s” fears that the Democrats might do something dangerous, like actually DO something, before they are kicked out of Congress. Thank you Mr. Tapper.
Zoners, one of my all-time favorite segments on The Report is Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA. Tonight we were introduced to male-aggression relieving meat-goggles called Vaxa-Goggles, and new STD detection technology by our fine sponsor, Prescott Pharmaceuticals in conjunction with Prescott Telecom, the iThrone. With this segment, I daresay the good doctor has coined yet another phrase here…”crotch crispies.”
The interview with Ms. Rhee was wonderful. What a shame that someone so committed to the reform of education in this country has to leave her job just because her boss lost his election. She has accomplished some good things during her tenure as the Chancellor of DC Public schools. At the end of the interview, Colbert asked Michelle if she’d ever considered becoming a correspondent, to which she replied, “I’d be happy to join the team.”
What do you Zoners think? Does Ms. Rhee have the chops to be a Colbert Report Correspondent? Leave it in the comments!
- That’s just yet another injustice to the oft over-looked minority, children of the obscenely wealthy. Luckily, they have champions in Congress like Republican corn-packer, Steve King.
- Yes! We have to stop the Estate Tax from returning! If we don’t we’ll just be punishing those innocent, God-fearing people who are willing to kill Nana for the extra cash.
- See you tonight Woody! Though, you may not see me.
- Lame Duck Congress is different from what they usually call it, in that they added the word, “duck”.
- … the so-called Slurpee Summit. So-called because many ousted Democrats will be working at 7-Eleven.
- Folks! Our worst fears have been realized! Henry Reid is on Twitter!
- I’m not sayin…I’m just sayin, that I’m not sayin. You know what I’m sayin?
- But a lame duck is a desperate and deadly opponent, ladies and gentlemen. When cornered, they get all peck-y and poop everywhere.
- Stephen: If I go down to Disney World, is there a big foam-headed Jake Tapper that greets my kids everywhere they go?
Jake: It’s latex, but yes. - If they don’t learn how to do anything, then nothing will get done, and won’t that lead to smaller government? Or did I just blow your mind?
- It’s always calming after you stop seizuring.
- Ladies, if you want to calm a man down, just let him stare at you like a piece of meat.
- This is amazing, testing for STDs in the palm of your hand. Although, this wouldn’t be an issue if you had used the palm of your hand in the first place.
- But beware of a false positive folks. That burning sensation might just be from peeing on an electrical device.
- When your partner goes to freshen-up before you freshen them down, the iThrone will let you know if they have the crotch-crispies.
- You were the King of Reform School Mountain, and now you just lost your job. What gives? Who did you cross??
Thank you for saying George Bush was our greatest President. - You know, we had a strike around here. Why don’t you do what I did? I sent out hooligans with truncheons. I beat my writers until they came back here and started the tippity-tappity again.
- My kids are the smartest kids in the whole world. My kids are the most brilliant, perfect children in the world.
- Did you try 7-up in the water fountains? Or donut day?
- I hope you had as much fun receiving it as I did emitting it. Yeah. I’m up on the lingo.
Ah the Estate Tax! Anyone else think of the EvenStevphen where Carell volunteers his services to “take care of” Stephen’s father-in-law while debating the Death Tax?!? Delightfully evil.
I like Jake Tapper and he was good but I thunk he tried to much to be funny instead of answering the questions.
Enjoyed Michelle Rhee very much and wish there had been an extended interview. I wanted to know more specifics concerning her programs and departure. I read the Time piece when it came out nut it’s been awhile. Shame just when you get something started in a positive way circumstances state there must be a change.
Shout Out (Hey!):
+3
I live in the DC area and can shed a little more light on Rhee’s departure. In DC, basically whoever wins the mayoral Democratic primary becomes mayor, and it was a big battle this year. Rhee was appointed by Fenty, the incumbent, and was a big Fenty supporter. During the primary she actively campaigned for him which was very controversial, she got a lot of flack for doing that. So when Fenty was defeated, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that she wasn’t going to work with the new mayor. I believe she even resigned before election day. I read this morning that she just accepted a new job, assisting the governor-elect of Florida.
And on another topic, yay for Cheating Death! Definitely my favorite recurring segment.
Shout Out (Hey!):
+3
Aahhh. Good to know! Thanks- that makes a lot more sense!
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0
I think that Jake Tapper was one of the few guests who actually pulled off funny (unlike Stockman last night, whew!) I was impressed.
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I like Jake Tapper and he was good but I thunk he tried to much to be funny instead of answering the questions.
I think Jake was trying very hard not to laugh. I get the impression that Stephen cracks him up pretty easily, so keeping on his Serious Journalist face long enough to answer questions is a bit of a struggle. I do wish he’d answered the questions more fully, but I loved his answer to Stephen’s last question, and it made Stephen laugh so it’s all good.
The interview with Michelle Rhee was fascinating, and I wish it could have gone on longer. I found her answer to Stephen’s question about “No Child Left Behind” interesting — most comments I’ve seen from teachers express frustration with the policy. They don’t like it at all.
The meat goggles were disturbing. Hilarious, but disturbing.
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+3
Good point! I am sure it is very difficult to sit across from Stephen, keep a straight face and remain composed! Even for a seasoned journalist who obviously enjoys the show.
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I loved Stephen calling Steve King a corn packer again too! I hate that guy. (Did any of you see Chuck Todd say that when Stephen told that joke in congress that he thought all the congress people should have gotten out of their chair & walked out because it was so offensive? Another press clown.)
Anyway. I really enjoyed the estate tax segment. I don’t know what it is about me, but I loved when “Stephen” is threatening to menace (or worse) old people. I guess it’s the contrast between the real Stephen (who wouldn’t hurt a fly) & “Stephen” (who couldn’t figure out how to hurt a fly) that gets me.
Great Job Lori! Thanks for filling in.
Oh and hope you feel better too! :)
Difference makers:
+6
I love when “Stephen” is threatening to menace (or worse) old people. I guess it’s the contrast between the real Stephen (who wouldn’t hurt a fly) & “Stephen” (who couldn’t figure out how to hurt a fly) that gets me.
Absolutely! Me too. It’s so funny to hear “Stephen” threaten The Olds because you know that behind it all is this really sweet, mild-mannered man who wouldn’t wish ill on anyone. Plus, part of the reason that joke was so funny to me was because Stephen dragged it out soo long until he finally got to the inevitable and hilarious ending. The embroidered pillow especially cracked me up!
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+2
I’ll ditto this. I’ve always liked the difference between “Stephen” and Stephen as well. I’ve heard it said that people who are truly good actors tend to be so because they play characters that are completely opposite of who they really are.
The card made me laugh, especially when he was playing back his message to make sure it sounded right. The look on his face then had my sister and I giggling. And then “Cheating Death”, the iThrone…speaking of taking things to absurd conclusions… But after a story like that, how could you NOT go all out, really? STD testing on your phone. I just…I don’t…wow. Also, I always love seeing Stephen’s reactions when the little images for each topic in “Cheating Death” come up, ’cause they always tend to startle him or are just plain weird or whatever.
And while I’m still not sold that “No Child Left Behind” worked, I did agree with some of the other things Rhee had to say, especially in regards to her mention of talking to kids about what they want to make their schools better. I’m glad that topic got a bit of mention, because so often all these decisions are made about education and we never think to consult the people who’d be most affected by these ideas. Just because they’re kids doesn’t mean their opinions don’t matter.
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Thanks! I told DB I was all cold medicine-y so there were no guarantees that it’d make any sense. :D
Corn-packer is definitely one of my favorite Colbert-isms. And yes, I saw the clip where Chuck Todd said that. Ugh! He annoys me on a level that words cannot convey.
Ever get think Rep Steve King gets the feeling that maybe he shouldn’t have been such a jerk to Stephen? Like maybe he messed with the wrong faux-pundit? If he hasn’t yet, he will. I get the impression that Stephen gets great joy in making fun of him, now moreso than ever.
Shout Out (Hey!):
+1
“Ever get think Rep Steve King gets the feeling that maybe he shouldn’t have been such a jerk to Stephen? Like maybe he messed with the wrong faux-pundit?…”
I don’t know. That presupposes King is a sentient being & I’m not ready to go that far. ;)
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This is true. I HAVE over-estimated him. I wonder how many times he’ll be mentioned next week?? It can be a game…How many different names can Stephen call Rep. Corn-Packer, er, uh, Steve King, that is?
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The funniest part of the night for me was when he called Steve King a corn-packer. Ohhhh I loved that so much. :) The bit about Stephen’s Great-Uncle Woodrow was really great – you knew where he was going with it, and yet he still made it feel somehow unexpected and entirely hilarious. My favorite part of that was when he played back the Christmas card greeting; the look on his face after hearing himself was pretty cute. And it was nice to see Jake Tapper on the show again – he and Stephen seem to have a good rapport with each other.
SO happy to see another Cheating Death! The iThrone was hilariously stupid and stupidly hilarious. And I loved The Toss last night too!
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Oh, yeah, forgot to mention-Steve King IS a corn-packer. No question. I’m truly embarrassed to admit he’s from the same state as me.
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Voted for the Tapper interview. So few actual news correspondents ever venture on-air to Stewart or Colbert’s programs…
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0
I’m not convinced by Michelle Rhee. She’s obviously bright, but struck me as a super-ambitious person, who will spend also only a couple years at her next jobs. Plus, I don’t buy that “No Child Left Behind” was a good policy. I think it led to elimination of science programs and the over-emphasis on test preparation, instead of learning. For more on that, watch Season 4 of “The Wire”.
So, good show, overall, but if you want to make someone from this episode a correspondent, I’d prefer Jake Tapper to Michelle Rhee.
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Yay Lori! Very good job. I was so happy when corn-packer was used again! That will never get old. Oh, poor Uncle Woodrow. :-D
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