Glenn Beck guest: “That’s jokes, it’s entertainment, and it can be a drug.”

I think I'm high from pretending.

Thanks to the Mediate blog, for bringing to my attention one of my favorite lines I’ve ever seen on Glenn Beck (and keep in mind, I only see the stuff that’s pointed out for being bats#!t crazy).

Glenn Beck has had a series on the air over the past couple of days discussing how to basically “out” your liberal family during the traditional Thanksgiving gathering. The clip below starts with a woman from the audience discussing how some people get their news from popular shows. Glenn Beck chimes in with the difference between how he presents news and Jon and Stephen present news – “What better way to keep people sheep than making sure, and I’m part of this, making sure people get their news from a comedian? At least I’m giving it in context. I’m trying to make the news entertaining to bring people in, but Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, that’s not news. That’s a monologue. It’s jokes.”

Beck’s guest, Dr. Keith Ablow, then takes the discussion from bizarre to bats#!t by saying: “That’s jokes, it’s entertainment, and it can be a drug. So drugs keep company with denial.” Ablow then goes to compare watching Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert to people who are in denial about being alcoholics. [“I can’t be an alcoholic, I don’t drink during the day!”]


So I feel the need to go ahead and clarify this for anyone who might be wondering: Hello, my name is DB and Stephen Colbert is my drug. [Hi, DB!] Any other Colbert druggies out there?

Speaking of Stephen Colbert and drugs, check out the new mash-up video from our friends over at!


  1. well i’m jonesing pretty bad for a Colbert-fix right now, so i guess Glenn Beck is…right?

  2. Mr. Arkadin says:

    DB, I’m proudly a Colbertholic! I love the guy & the show. And frankly, if loving him is wrong, I don’t want to be right! ;)
    Actually, what I like most about this clip is the sputtering, discomfort the “doctor” cause Beck, by invoking Beck own past drug use.

  3. Great mash-up! I love the Democrat ringtone bit. Forgot about that entirely. And I especially love the clip of Stephen “hallucinating”. Thanks for posting it!

  4. Karenatasha says:

    This is just stupefying. Yes, they make jokes! They’re comedians.

    I guess Marx got it wrong: he should have said COMEDY is the opiate of the people!

    And, Arkadin, you are completely right about Beck’s palpable discomfort. Ouch!

  5. Karenatasha says:

    Actually, I just can’t help thinking: if those right-wing pundits supposedly have “values,” why is it that every one of them has had a problem either with drugs or with sexual harassment, while there’s never a whiff of scandal about Jon or Stephen? The most paparazzi ever get is the two of them hanging out with their families. So who’s got the REAL values?

  6. MaryLovesColbert says:

    Wow, um…what? LOL. Glenn Beck is out of his mind, I think we all knew that.

  7. DogGoneGirl says:

    Hi, my name is DogGoneGirl, and I am a Fangirl … *testify, sistah!* … and my drugs of choice are the amazing, smart, hilarious, well-crafted, high bar, audience respecting, well crafted, Beck-defying, joy machines called Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart and their bongs: TCR and TDS. *sits back down*

  8. Here is my reaction to reading this post:
    Wait, is he saying he’s part of making people into sheep?
    Well duh, they never pretended to be anything else…
    Wait, what?
    Wait, WHAT?!

    But then, “wait, what?” is pretty much my response to anything Glenn Beck says.

    Hello, my name is Aisha and I am a Colbertaholic!

  9. Yep, definitely my drug.

    …And there are many dirty comments I could make to follow that up, but this being a family-friendly site and all, I will refrain.

    I do love how even Beck was like “Uh…WTFH is this guy talking about!?” at the end of the clip, however. I think he just realised that the clip was about to go viral and/or end up on the shows.

  10. Splendiferous_Zeppelin says:

    I’m being forced to go to a Thanksgiving tomorrow where all of my relatives worship Glenn Beck. Last Thanksgiving I heard how liberals should be lined up and shot. Needless to say, I’m not looking forward to tomorrow. At all.

    So, just to let off steam beforehand…

    “And they just don’t get it. They get all their news, though, from popular shows.”

    Yes, because it is a well known fact that everyone who watches The Daily Show and The Colbert Report do not watch any news programs, listen to the radio, read newspapers, or read blogs, ever…

    Next point… Popular shows apparently = bad. So does that mean Fox News = bad, since it’s the most popular 24 hour news network? But there’s no time to ponder that question, because…

    “I figured this out recently, that what better way to keep people sheep than making sure – and I’m part of this – making sure that people get their news from a comedian.”

    What? What? Is he saying he’s a comedian? Or saying that he’s making his viewers sheep? Or is he just talking out his a**?

    “At least I’m giving it in context.”

    Yeah, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart never, ever give any context…

    “I’m trying to make the news entertaining to bring people in.”

    NEWS. IS NOT. SUPPOSED. TO BE. ENTERTAINING. ARGH. Interesting, maybe, and emotionally engaging, but NOT entertaining. If you make news into entertainment, it creates a perpetual circus freak show not conducive to serious thought and reflection. Really truly understanding what is happening around us is d*** hard work. It’s like church, or learning a new language, or anything else that demands commitment and hard work. If it’s entertaining, then it’s all on the surface. It’s not penetrating into anything lasting or cerebral.

    “Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert…that’s not news.”

    Wow, we’re finally on the same page, Glenn! We can all agree on that. It’s SATIRE! Yay!

    “That’s a monologue. That’s jokes.”

    Apparently Glenn has visited the same alternate universe Geraldo lives in, where The Daily Show airs videos of old ladies falling on bananas…

    “It’s jokes, it’s entertainment, and it can be a drug.”

    Tylenol is also a drug. So is cough syrup. And used in moderation…they can help you feel better. And yes, joy and laughter can be a very powerful drug. Thank God.

    “Drugs keep company with denial. Right?”

    Um… Wait, what does this have to do about Jon and Stephen…?

    “You know something about this from your life story. When you might say, I don’t feel like being an alcoholic during the day. That’s denial.”

    Wait, what? This is like veering from “the sky is blue” to “I love perfume.” It’s just TOTALLY RANDOM AND IT MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER OMG.

    Was this all that appeared on the show? What the…? That was so stupid it wasn’t even worth deconstructing. And I have to listen tomorrow to people who believe this crap? Time to load up on my drug of choice – Stephen Colbert – before I venture into the den of hate that has become my family Thanksgiving, thanks singlehandedly to Glenn Beck.

    • I want to give this a million shout-outs. I agree with you on all points, especially this one: “Tylenol is also a drug. So is cough syrup. And used in moderation…they can help you feel better. And yes, joy and laughter can be a very powerful drug. Thank God.” :)

    • *APPLAUSE*

      I read this in Jon Stewart’s voice. It worked. Really well.

      Best of luck for surviving tomorrow.

    • Mr. Arkadin says:

      That maybe the greatest, most cogent post/rant ever at NFZ! I loved it! :D
      I’m only sorry that for you to be able to write such an epic post you’ve had to suffer the agony of having Glenn Beck-loving relatives. My deepest

    • Oh my God, there is nothing more painful than having to sit there and listen to someone talking about how wonderful Glenn Beck is. I’ve been there. One of my college friends has become a Tea Party organizer. Yeah. When we got together recently, I was listening to him talking with another guy about how great the Beck rally was.
      So I hope you survive Thanksgiving. I feel your pain.
      I actually think the doc is right on about it being a drug. I am totally addicted.
      Here’s my shocker of the day–I actually agree with what Glenn said. We’ve all known for years now that he has a faux news show. He doesn’t do news, he’s an entertainer. He wants to think that what he does is so much superior to what Jon and Stephen do, but it’s really not. I think deep down he knows that he’s just a silly faux news guy like Jon and Stephen, except he’s not really trying to be funny.

  11. Ah Glenn Beck, you’re such a jealous, jealous man…

    I cannot deny it anymore. Colbert is my drug and I use often for total satisfaction and for that unique Colbert high I can get nowhere else. Sue me.

    Even my reCaptcha is talking about Beck: spherical loonam.

  12. I learned a long time ago to never take anything Glenn Beck or his crazy guests say seriously. So this is freakin’ hilarious to me. If Jon and Stephen are drugs, then consider me a full-blown addict. I was actually talking to a friend of mine a few months ago, and I mentioned that I was going through Colbert Withdrawals (both shows were on a break), and my friend said, “Don’t worry. You’ll get your Stephen fix soon enough,” making it sound like Stephen was my crack, lol. So there ya go. ;P

  13. I need help! I need my dosage of The Report! Come on, just a quick fix! I promise I will quit after this one!! I CAN QUIT ANYTIME!

  14. Karenatasha says:

    By the way, who among you can’t wait until Jon and Stephen have a field day with this?

    *Rubbing hands in anticipation.”

    Love my recaptcha: venting Lounkra

  15. Man, if I were high right now, Glenn Beck would make perfect sense. Anybody else got the munchies?

  16. pkyoubuggin says:

    Maybe this needs a Cheating Death Segment: What about Glenn Beck Syndrome? It is so little spoken of in our culture. Too much GB and you may get Mind of Mencia.
    It’s true. Look it up.

  17. “I think I am high from pretending”

    Yes sirree, Stephen’s pretending makes it easier to face the real … GB’s pretending just makes it seem like an acid trip gone bad!

    Go with the sense memories, Stephen!

  18. Yes, I am addicted to these men and when I find myself frequently referencing something entertaining, poignant or down right hysterical that they have said or done on their respective shows, I feel like my family might stage an intervention… :)

  19. Geez Glenn! Jealous much??
    I always picture him watching Jon and Stephen, rocking back and forth furiously, crying, and saying, “I’m not Roger’s puppet! I’m not Roger’s puppet!”
    But maybe that’s just me.

    Haha! My captcha is “touching comences”
    THAT is funny!!

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