Episode 6146 (11/15/2010) – David Stern

Colbert Report Episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 6146 (November 15, 2010)
GUESTS: David Stern
SEGMENTS: Stephen murders Mr. Goodwrench, TSA Scanners, Garfield and President Obama Dishonor Veterans
VIDEOS: Monday, November 15, 2010

If you’ve never seen Stephen as Mr. Goodwrench, you can find a few of his ads over on YouTube – it’s a cringeworthy good time! And his murder confession reminded me of that time he killed a panda. [“In my defense, Jon, it was dark, I was drunk, and it was delicious.”] And does anyone remember when the Pontiac Aztec was cool for that five minutes? Yeah.

I felt horrible having to wait in line for close to 45 minutes to get through security, partially disrobe, and pull out my laptop just to be able to board the plane home from DC after the rally. And it looks like I flew just in time to avoid the insanity that’s going on today with the x-rays and pat downs. I can see why people are getting seriously cranky with the amount of invasiveness that these new airport screens are taking. I enjoyed listening to Jeffrey Goldberg and Stephen Colbert go back and forth about the different violations of privacy. And two words I was not quite expecting to hear during that interview: reverse cowgirl. [EDIT: If you do not know what that is, I would highly recommend not Googling it at work (thanks for that tip, Aaron B!).]

I don’t watch sports at all unless hubby happens to have a Packers game on, so the whole sports bits in the David Stern interview were pretty dry for me. But the fact that Stephen took everything sports related he could and made it ridiculous made the interview much more palatable for me.

What did all of you like about tonight’s episode? Leave it in the comments!

Colbert Report - November 15, 2010

  • That was back when I still had the shoulders to pull off that safari vest.
  • I have a confession to make. I actually found Mr. Goodwrench on the first day of shooting. And I murdered him. I had to! If they knew I’d found him, they would have ended the ad campaign. I needed that money! I have a boat!
  • Well, they never found the body, because I put it in a place where no one would ever look. Inside a Pontiac Aztec.
  • You might want to hit the gym, because there’s a good chance you’ll have to go through one of the full body scanners that x-ray your X-rated parts. I believe we have nothing to fear from these minimally invasive machines made by a company whose name I pray is not pronounced “Rape”-iscan. That’d be nice.
  • Come on, pilots, show us your joystick!
  • Just write your wife an apology, and start hitting the stairmaster because they are a judgmental community.
  • Bottom line: this holiday season, if you’re traveling by airplane, you’re going to want to wax.
  • Before we get started, do you want to give me a pat down?
  • True! You got that one wrong!
  • Why don’t you just do I’m a Little Teapot, would that make you feel better? Is your problem with that? How about Downward facing dog? Reverse cowgirl?
  • We’re in a crazy race.
  • Have you asked Grandma how she feels about this? Maybe this is a long overdue thrill.
  • Wrong Day!
  • How dare these soldiers dishonor themselves by not being in America on Veteran’s Day. Have they no respect for the respect they will one day receive from Charles Hurt?
  • I’m such an enormous fan that I haven’t watched any games this year. Has the season started?
  • Really? And that money gets equally distributed to the American people?
  • I might want to pat down your groin before this interview is over.


  1. I’ve got one of those Mr. Goodwrench bobbleheads of Stephen. :) (And no, I didn’t pay $150 on ebay for it.) I wonder if it’s worth more now that he’s confessed to the murder.

    I went through one of those full body scanners in Amsterdam a few months back, and they even did a pat down on top of it. It really wasn’t a big deal, though I can certainly see why people take issue with it.

    Oh and, “Do you know how many testicles there are in America?” has got to be one of the strangest Stephen’s ever been asked.

  2. All pro U.S. sports commissioners are dry; Stern, Goodell (NFL), Selig (MLB), they’re all middle-aged to old, white, largely stoic guys who prefer institutional order above all else.

    Also, note to self, never ever perform a google image search on “reverse cowgirl” while at work…

    • Point taken, and post edited.

    • Hearing him use that phrase totally threw me off, too. Seemed to sneak past a lot of people. I don’t know squat about sports stuff, either, but I enjoyed the interview simply because of the look on Stern’s face. He was like, “…how exactly am I supposed to respond to some of this stuff?”

      I think this new pat/rub-down security thing is a very, very stupid idea. I fail to see how exactly they think this is going to solve our problems-Stephen’s guest he interviewed about that was spot on with everything he said. That being said, however, Stephen’s bit on it was hysterical. And disturbing (the “Rapiscan” line-oh, good god…).

  3. So, over the weekend I was traveling and while going through security to catch a red-eye, I was a part of a patdown and xray scan. I felt like I was a guinea pig- someone they could try the new moves on because NO ONE was in line for security. It will cause significantly longer lines during the holiday rush. And, to me, it was decidedly not sexual. But to hear Stephen speak of it makes me laugh!

    I am glad he brought up the article in the NYT about Mr. Goodwrench. If only to see some of the old commercials that aren’t on YouTube. When his admission of guilt came out, I feared he may have eaten him (similar to his eating Bobby the Stage Manager or Jon eatting Mo Rocca !)

    The banter concerning airport security was just manic and fun. Stephen was definitely having a good time with that interview. He was so cute when attempting to find the right “Heisman” pose. He really doesn’t watch too much sports, does he?! :)

  4. Mr. Arkadin says:

    I really dislike both Goldberg & Stern as people, but they were both great foils for Stephen to unleash “Stephen” on. ;) This was like the flip side of the coin from the Quincy Jones interview that I wrote about last week. And I loved it for that!
    I hope TCR stays on the this TSA travesty. I’d really love to see a Formidable Opponent on this subject. “Stephen” vs “Stephen” would really be a great way to keep a light on this ongoing farce.
    Did anyone see the youtube footage of the screaming, crying three year old girl being patted down by that TSA guard? Truly disgusting!

  5. lockhart43 says:

    I had another “This is why I love this show” moment during this episode last night, during the Veteran’s Day segment. That was so brilliant! Especially at the end with the bit about Obama and Thanksgiving. And this might just be me, but Charles Hurt sounds like a D-bag.

    I can absolutely see why people are getting upset about the TSA scans. I feel like our airport security would be so much more effective and productive if we would look out for peoples’ behaviors instead of the color of their skin, the way they look, or by full frisking and body scans. Also? Rapiscan is the worst name they could have possibly thought of for a body scan machine. I’ll get off my soapbox now. :)

    I can’t tell you how happy I got when Stephen mentioned Mr. Goodwrench! And I would like to reassure Stephen that he still has the shoulders to pull off a safari vest, and I wouldn’t mind seeing him in one again. :P

  6. I dont like the new security and this is madness. First the body scanners are not 100% reliable, most of the time they give false errors. There is also the issue that the body scanners cannot see if you have a bomb inside your body (believe me, that would be the next step for terrorists). Also some scientists and doctors are concerned with the accumulative effects of being exposed to the radiation.

    Also the aggressive pat downs are borderline sexual molestation:


    statements like these makes me wonder if we truly lost our mind at this point (would you imagine a TSA agents patting down a child in name of national security and enjoying it? where do we draw the line)

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