EPISODE NUMBER: 6143 (November 9, 2010)
GUESTS: Cee Lo Green
SEGMENTS: Decision Points, House Oversight Committee Hearings – Abbe Lowell, Craziest F#?king Thing I’ve Ever Heard – Crab Vending Machines
VIDEOS: Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Oh, how I miss Bush bashing. I realized that earlier this week when I was watching Rick Perry’s interview on the ‘Daily Show’ on Monday night. I swear, he’s like a mirror of Bush, all the way to his “punchline-smirk” delivery of points that he thinks are funny, but really make you want to reach through the screen and throttle him. Thanks a lot, great citizens of Texas, for subjecting us to Perry again. *throws up a little in own mouth* But then we got back to good, old-fashioned Bush slamming, which was almost like visiting an old boyfriend – it felt a little dated, but at the same time it was like putting on an old pair of comfy slippers. And the taste of Stephen openly weeping at not getting Bush was just the icing on the cake of it all.
Then we jumped right into the House Oversight Committee hearings segment. It terrifies me that so much money is going to be wasted going after Obama simply because they can. Why don’t they instead actually, you know, *do* something? Ugh. Yay for the calculator gag, one of my favorite recurring gags. It never gets old.
Next to Cheating Death, Craziest F#!king Thing I’ve Ever Heard is my favorite recurring segment. (Formidable Opponent comes in third). The fly glasses, the mayo dog, the parasite that becomes the fish’s tongue, all amazing finds. But man, where in the world did they find a crab vending machine! The entire segment seemed like a setup for the final line though – “Yes, it is much more convenient than the way you used to get crabs on the subway, by sitting in the corner seat with no pants on.” Hee!
This show was a great time to have a “Craziest F#!king Thing” segment, since I’m sure the editor’s Beeper Finger needed a warm up before Cee Lo’s performance. I loved Stephen’s reference to his panther tattoo (and that grin that was struggling so hard to get out). It was like he was about to say, I don’t have any tattoos, but then caught himself at the last second when he realized that “Stephen” does, in fact, have a tattoo. Then I laughed so hard when he referenced the fact that the tattoo travels, and he didn’t know where it was right now. I know we saw the panther tattoo on his right upper arm during Guitarmageddon and when he was trying out for the New York Knicks. But it appeared on Chuck Noblet’s left shoulder blade when he was showering with Principal Blackman and Coach Cherri Wolf in “Strangers With Candy”.
I loved the “Fox News” version of the edited song, but the rest? You have to get from ColbertNation.com. For those who like to see Stephen cuss, you’re going to love this! I also love how jazzed Stephen is at the end of the unedited version of the song – just uncharacteristically bouncy.
What did you think of tonight’s episode?
- It’s like War and Peace, without that peace.
- He is pushing this thing like a detainee’s head in a bucket of water.
- I will literally write your questions on a softball.
- First question: You – great president, or greatest president?
- One thing we’ve learned, don’t assume something is there just because George Bush says it is.
- Wow. His writing is so evocative. It feels like I’m there, right now, holding that steaming pile of dog crap right in my hand. You can almost smell it.
- Yes! Forward to the 90′s! Break out the Crystal Pepsi, let’s get jiggy with it, sha-wing! Grunge! I believe that’s the sound grunge music made.
- That adds up to … smaller government. And job growth.
- Is there a chance by the end of this that we will get a description of Barack Obama’s penis?
- And they said it couldn’t be done. And that it shouldn’t be done. But he did it!
- You heard it, American entrepreneurs – if you *can* put it in a vending machine, you *should* put it in a vending machine.
- Then, when you take them on a crowded subway car, they warm up, so you have a wide awake, pissed off crab in your pocket.
- Yes, it is much more convenient than the way you used to get crabs on the subway, by sitting in the corner seat with no pants on.
- You’re dressed like you’re leaving, can you stick around?
- It is so infectious that I feel like I need to go on a course of Zithromax after I listen to it.
- I only have one tattoo. I have a panther. And I don’t know where it is right now, it roams around.
- Beef Stew? No? Kung Fu? … Fox News?
“Wow. His writing is so evocative. It feels like I’m there, right now, holding that steaming pile of dog crap right in my hand. You can almost smell it.”
So wonderful. That Bush-book segment was the exact opposite of *that steaming pile of dog crap.* Stephen did a much stronger and funnier take on the book’s release than Jon did, I feel.
As for what Congress is about to do to Obama, I’m both furious and frightened. (Keep fear alive!) Looks as if our long national nightmare is about to begin again. And a such a cost during such a terrible time in the economy. Why spend time solving problems when you can stir them up for political reasons? I wish the Dems had been able to do that to Bush, who really is a criminal. By the way, a friend of mine mentioned there is a subtly sabotatging movement afoot with Bush’s book–to move copies from nonfiction to the crime section. I thought it was a brilliant idea.
A pretty much uncensored Cee-Lo was the perfect end to a fabulous show.molecular
Difference makers:
+13
And oh, the crabs, the crabs! I didn’t mention the crabs!
That had to be one of the funniest, wackies, segments ever!
Shout Out (Hey!):
+4
So glad Cee-Lo played along and sang the “Fox News” lyrics the writers created! Fun!
I enjoyed the entire show!
Difference makers:
+6
Taping reporT!
We had a real VIP in the audience, one of the Night Train bobsled guys, Mark (I think). He’s the one who lost his spot to Stephen when Stephen was trying out for the team. Stephen told a funny story about that, how he wasn’t supposed to originally go down the entire course but then just did it. And under the “flattering racesuit” bobsledders wear a weaved kevlar shirt for protection if they run into the wall. Stephen also wore the shirt and when he got home that night and took off everything his wife said “what happened to your shoulder?” On the back of his right shoulder was an imprint of the weaved kevlar shirt, so he had obviously hit the side of the wall at one point and didn’t realize it. Wow.
I only remember a couple audience questions – one was about the report of the demise of BKAD due to his testimony, and he said that it was pretty much done before that. They’ve done 60 of them and 40 were in the 1st 2 years, and they’ve only done 3 in the last year or so, as they won’t talk to him anymore. Someone asked if he would ever be like Olbermann and divulge campaign contributions and he said no, as he has no standards. He went on to talk about how he likes being able to hide behind “Stephen” and that people don’t really know him that well. A girl asked how he handles the fangirl adoration and he said “I do ok”, hahaha.
Cee Lo was fantastic. They did the “family friendly” version first, then Stephen said Cee Lo was nice enough to do the “balls out” version for us as well. While they were preparing for that Stephen asked what did Cee Lo stand for – his real name is Carlos. Also Stephen asked if he always had an all-female band – nope, its specifically for this album since its called Ladykillers. During both perfornances of the song Stephen was dancing around the studio, singing along to bits, clearly enjoying it. During the “balls out” version most of us in the audience were up on our feet and dancing too, and that’s why Stephen was so jazzed. He said afterwards that in 5 years they’ve never had an audience just get up and dance like that. So he obviously enjoyed the fact that we enjoyed it so much! So glad that version is up on the website, it was fantastic. Fun, fun show.
Difference makers:
+33
Awesome report — thanks so much!
Loved the show last night, particularly the bits on Bush’s book, but the description of the studio vibe during the performance(s) kicks it up a notch. What a ball!
Difference makers:
+5
Oh what a fantastic report, it sounds amazing! Thank you so much for sharing! I just love that the audience got up and danced! And bwahaha, always nice when the fangirls get a mention. :P
Difference makers:
+5
Thanks so much for sharing, gentoo! So glad you had a nice time!
Difference makers:
+5
Wow — thanks for the inside story from your experience at the taping! :D I always love to hear what Stephen talked about during the Q & A. So, thanks!
Difference makers:
+5
Sounds like fun, thanks for sharing! I’ve always thought that during the musical performances Stephen would be out in the crowd dancing around and singing, that’s so cool :). Nice question segment, too (the fangirl thing-aw :D).
Also cool that someone from the bobsled team was at the taping (scary story about him hitting the wall, though! Yeouch).
I loved the change-up to the lyrics to “Fox News”. That was awesome. Will have to check out the original, uncensored version now, hehe. And the story about the crab vending machines…seriously, WTF?
But the Bush bashing had to be my favorite bit. That whole part had me giggling my head off. I love his subtle skewering of that stuff. Wonder if Bush will actually show up, maybe to make amends for the Correspondents’ Dinner thing?
Difference makers:
+5
Thanks for the taping reporT! Like Arrow said, I LOVE it when the Fangirls get a mention! WooT!!
OMG! I was thinking the EXACT same thing about Rick Perry when he was on TDS (him being the carbon-copy of Bush)! I cant stand him!! Gah! Wouldnt it be great to see Stephen NOT be nice to Perry?? *sigh*
I LOVED the uncensored verion of “F**k You” By Cee Lo! It was great! I have been a fan of this song for a while and Stephen was right…It doea have a bone-deep hook! QFT! And it was ADORABLE how bouncy Stephen was after the song. Almost like he was still dancing and couldnt stopp!!
The panther tattoo bit was ZOMG!!
Difference makers:
+5
When I grow up, I want to have an all lady band too! :D
Difference makers:
+5
I want to see the Fox News version, too! I saw a 20-second clip on HuffPo, but otherwise they only have the real version online… which was awesome, by the way :).
So funny that he mentioned the roaming panther tattoo! Ah, it’s just one of those episodes that makes me say, “I love you, Stephen!” out loud to the screen. I can’t possibly be the only one who does that… right?
Thanks for the awesome taping report, gentoo!
Difference makers:
+14
“Ah, it’s just one of those episodes that makes me say, “I love you, Stephen!” out loud to the screen. I can’t possibly be the only one who does that… right?”
No. No, you most certainly are not. Hell, the first time I ever saw an episode of this show, I said that at the end of a segment! So, um, yeah :p.
Difference makers:
+5
Count me in on the love-fest! I’ve often said it after “The Word,” because I’m so thankful for the intelligent, funny, take-no-prisoners way he’ll zap hypocrites, idiots, and (well) evildoers–in the non-Bush evildoing sense of course!
Shout Out (Hey!):
+1
I tell Stephen I love him on a semi-regular basis. You are most certainly not alone.
Difference makers:
+5
Funny enough, I said that out loud this morning too, when I was watching the show. I had the hardest time sleeping, gave up trying at 4am, and decided to watch it early. From the get go it made me feel all warm and happy even though I was formerly exhausted and angry and something he said during the opening part about Bush, I forgot which line exactly, made me just have to say “I Love You Stephen”, with a sigh.
Shout Out (Hey!):
+4
You are absolutely not the only one who does that. After a particularly fantastic segment, I usually find myself saying either, “I love this show,” or “Ohhh Stephen, I love you.” :P
Shout Out (Hey!):
+4
I sometimes say it even if there is no screen!
Shout Out (Hey!):
+3
Quick question – does anyone know if it’s the censored or the uncensored version of the song on the iTunes episode?
Shout Out (Hey!):
+2
It’s the censored, with a pop-up that says “For the uncensored version, go to ColbertNation.com”.
Shout Out (Hey!):
+4
Thanks so much for the quick reply DB – someone over at the forums was asking and I knew someone over here would have the answer! :)
I do hope the uncensored version doesn’t disappear from CN.com in a few weeks/months – they have a bad habit of doing that.
Shout Out (Hey!):
+3
Absolutely loved last nights show!!
I have to say I was a little worried about Cee Lo Green’s performance. I saw him perform on Letterman the night before and didn’t think it sounded that crash hot, but he really stepped it up last night. Especially the “Fox News” version, that was awesome!!
Shout Out (Hey!):
+4
Fun episode; the book segment was wonderful.
I skipped the musical performance though. I don’t often stick around for them, but for last night in particular, Conan had Soundgarden on as a musical guest… sorry, my loyalties already lie elsewhere (“Grunge!”).
Shout Out (Hey!):
+1
I know! I did the EXACT same thing last night! I knew I would probably hate the performance (the guy opened reading his own lyrics!), and besides, the competition had Soundgarden! Soundgarden was awesome. I just don’t like most of these small indie bands that are usually on TCR. Gorillaz, Green Day, and Soundgarden are totally more my taste.
Shout Out (Hey!):
+1
Those weren’t his lyrics, they were the ones the TCR writers wrote for him for the “Fox News” version of the song, weren’t they?
Difference makers:
+5
So he couldn’t possibly remember two changed words without reading it from a paper? The entire song is nine lines, including repeats. As a musician myself, I can’t respect a musician who can’t put enough effort into their own music to memorize nine lines. Besides, things change on stage all the time, anyone should be able to handle two f-ing changed words!
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
(Mostly in reply to your second comment, Saphira). I haven’t seen the broadcast version, just the online one, but at least in the lyrics posted, 6 of the 9 lines are changed (not just 2 words), and I’d assume he didn’t get them much in advance. I give him props for being game, and willing to play along with the new lyrics.
Also, Gorillaz actually did perform on TCR :)
Difference makers:
+6
I agree w/ friedthing, Green was reading the writers’ Fox News lyrics.
BTW, does anyone know what those lyrics were? I couldn’t CC them fast enough & I didn’t catch all of them. :(
Shout Out (Hey!):
+2
Mediaite.com has the video and the transcribed lyrics.
http://www.mediaite.com/tv/colbert-persuades-cee-lo-to-change-lyric-from-fck-you-to-fox-news/
I saw you drivin’ ’round town with the girl I love
On Fox News
(Oo-oo-oo!)
Didn’t see one politician that wasn’t corrupt
On the Fox News
And I got the blues
The poor get poorer, the rich get richer
Ain’t that some shhhh?
(Ain’t that some shhh?)
I’m having pains in my chest because I’m so stressed
From the Fox News
Difference makers:
+15
Your great DB! I knew my Aunt Blanche was right when she said, “You can always count on the kindness of zoners.” ;)
Difference makers:
+8
thank you for that, I needed to read that today!
Shout Out (Hey!):
+3
Wow, this show was just so much fun! I loved the beginning with Bush’s book, teehee. I was thinking about how fun it would be for “Stephen” to interview Bush, but I think he sort of ruined his chances with the White House Correspondent’s Dinner, eh? They’re on to him now. ;)
Also — somehow, I was the only person alive to have never heard Cee-Lo’s song, it was SO catchy and fun! :D
Difference makers:
+6
Also — somehow, I was the only person alive to have never heard Cee-Lo’s song
Don’t worry, you’re not alone – I hadn’t heard it either before last night. I don’t listen to mainstream radio (they don’t play the music I listen to), so I wanted to hear it for the first time on TCR. You’re definitely right – it’s catchy for sure!
Shout Out (Hey!):
+3
Haha, glad it wasn’t just me! Yeah, I never listen to the radio. But man, that was so catchy! :D
Shout Out (Hey!):
+2
I hadn’t heard it either until DB posted that video with all the words this weekend. I like it, though! :)
Shout Out (Hey!):
+3
Wow! I’m from Nanjing! I’ve never expected to hear Stephen talk about wierd stuff from my hometown. What a surprise!
I’m studying in UK now, but I can’t wait to check out those crab vending machines in subway stations when I go back home.
Difference makers:
+9
I had to watch this episode when I woke up this morning. I usually wait until the next night to watch, but I couldn’t wait, mostly because I wanted to know if Stephen showed up at all during the performance of the song. Since I saw it online, I had no idea there was an alternate version. I was happy that they showed the uncensored version online. That made my morning.
I’ll have to go check out the Fox News version.
Oh and thanks for the taping reporT. I was dying to know what Stephen was doing during the song. Haven’t been this excited about a musical guest since Movits!
Difference makers:
+6
“One thing we’ve learned, don’t assume something is there just because George Bush says it is.”
That line is so freakin’ brilliant. It’s such an easy joke, but it’s such an uppercut. And the calculator bit is never not funny. :) I loved the Craziest F#?king Thing I’ve Ever Heard, that was hilarious. Crab vending machine? Seriously? That is fantastic. That segment never ceases to crack me up, and simultaneously amaze me. The vending machine vending machine was very funny, too.
I didn’t listen to Cee Lo’s song beforehand because I sort of wanted it to be a surprise to myself. And I did watch the episode online this morning, so I heard the unedited version before the “Fox News” version. That song is so great! It’s definitely catchy – I found myself bopping my head along to the beat. And I won’t lie when I say that I watched Stephen’s intro to the unedited song a few times just so I could hear him drop the F-bomb. ;)
Oh, and I loved the reference to Stephen’s wandering panther tattoo!
Difference makers:
+11
Now that I’ve seen both the “Fox News” version of the song, and the uncensored version, I have to say I preferred the uncensored version. The alternate “Fox New” lyrics were funny, but the performance of the uncensored version was better. I could hear the audience getting into it, and I loved how bouncy and happy Stephen was at the end. Thanks for the taping report, gentoo! So great to know that Stephen was dancing around and enjoying himself during the song!
But the best moment of the show had to be the reference to Stephen’s “roaming” panther tattoo! I laughed pretty hard.
Difference makers:
+6
Hearing Stephen saying “F**k You” uncensored was one of my nicest birthday presents ever, seriously. *big, happy sigh*
Difference makers:
+5
Jbird! Don’t you get the Global Edition where you are? For some reason, even here in the less freewheelin’ Middle East, it’s usually uncut as far as language is concerned, so if something bleeped makes me laugh in the week, I always hope that bit makes it into Monday night’s GE. Recent highlights have included the “F*ck Oprah!” moment and the description of what that young American Apparel model might have been doing to that hairy-legged man’s spherical objects, completely uncensored. Marvellous!
And Happy Birthday! x
Difference makers:
+5
Thanks for the wishes, Arkadina! TCR used to be on CC cable here but I think it’s not on anymore (just checked the guide, I’m right and neither is TDS; Bill Maher is but what he said about the Rally puts him on my Grrrrr list) so I just go straight to the always bleeped Colbert Nation. Oh, I envy your uncensored-ness!
Shout Out (Hey!):
+2
Arkadina, you are lucky, lucky, lucky to get the uncensored versions! It’s very rare that I hear Stephen (or Jon) swear, so whenever it happens, I enjoy it as much as I possibly can, lol. Man, the FCC sucks.
Shout Out (Hey!):
+3