Episode 6133 (10/14/2010) – Bill Bryson

Colbert Report Episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 6133 (October 14, 2010)
GUESTS: Bill Bryson
SEGMENTS: Transitive Property of Christine O’Donnell, People Destroying America- Goats Steal Landscaping Jobs, Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear Chinatown Bus Tickets
VIDEOS: Thursday, October 14, 2010

Tonight’s show actually started a few blocks over on the Daily Show set – Stephen crashed Jon Stewart’s set, whimpered a bit, got Jon to put Stephen’s name on his permit, and then promptly stole Jon’s mojo. *snicker* And then OPRAH F**KING WINFREY SHOWS UP!!! Holy cow! Oprah! “EVERYBODY’S GOING TO THE RALLY!” That brought a little tear to my eye.

And now – on to the ‘Colbert Report’! Boom shaka laka! The Transitive Property of Christine O’Donnell (“So by the transitive property of O’Donnell, masturbating equals being gay.”) is just so brilliant. But his berating of his gay marriage wedding hand? The icing on the cake.

We talked about the Rent-A-Ruminant segment a few weeks ago here at No Fact Zone, but I never saw the segment going in that direction! How funny – goats taking jobs away from Americans. And yay for Gino the walking stereotype! It’s always fun to hear Jason Baker singing on the show, and his “I don’t think we would ever poop on a job site” theme song was hysterical.

Speaking of poop, I’ll make sure to do as Stephen asked tonight and get in those porta-potties and go hog wild. If, you know, there are actually any there. Spookyordooky.com has some serious potential to be amazingly silly. I found the interview with Bill Bryson to be genuinely interesting. I could have just sat there and listened to him tell stories for hours.

Normally we cap the ‘Colbert Report’, but let’s face it, this is an amazing picture. This work that Jon and Stephen are doing together for the rally is just making me (and many of you too I imagine) so very happy. And what did you think of the episode tonight? Leave a comment – we’d love to hear from you!


  • Today they dug one up from all the way back on last night at 8 O’Clock.
  • In fact, folks, O’Donnell couldn’t have answered that question better if Sarah Palin’s own advisers had prepped her for the debate. What’s that? Oh, I’m being told that Sarah Palin’s advisers prepped her for the debate.
  • So let’s follow O’Donnell’s ironclad logic. Being gay in the military equals committing adultery in the military. The military is on both sides, so reduce that equation. So being gay equals committing adultery, and masturbating equals committing adultery. So by the transitive property of O’Donnell, masturbating equals being gay. Oh my God, how could I not see this – All this time I’ve been doing it with a dude!
  • How could you lie to me all these years? We’ve been together since high school! Worst of all, worst of all, who do you think you were fooling wearing white?
  • The scapegoats are goats.
  • This woman is completely out of her [bleeped] mind, I’ll tell you right now.
  • That’s right, comparing goats to Gino is an absolute impossibility.
  • Does Obama know about this stuff?
  • But first, as always, my march coverage is brought to you by Reese’s, the most terrifying candy because we traced a phone call and the peanut butter is coming from inside the chocolate. Get out of there!
  • So it is with a humble heart that I say to my friend Jon Stewart, sucker.
  • He’s responsible for the cleanup. So get in those port-a-potties and go hog wild.
  • My grandfather had a saying. He used to say, F**k Oprah.
  • You’re going to the march and you’re going to the march and you’re going to the march. Everybody’s going to my march! I will pay for everyone here tonight to travel to Washington, D.C., on a bus from Chinatown.
  • And Shin-Wu boasts the latest in comfort technology, like seats. Remember, on Shin-Wu, your chicken rides for free.
  • My rally/march is on halloween weekend. There are going to be parties that Saturday night. So come in costume dressed as something terrifying, like a gay mexican grizzly bear.
  • I’d rather have a good one than a right one.
  • How did you make more people in front of everybody else? [You make more people in front of everybody else.] Really? So it wasn’t as boring as everyone thought.


  1. lockhart43 says:

    There was just so much awesome wrapped into TDS and TCR last night that I almost couldn’t handle it! Oprah freakin’ Winfrey?! Definitely didn’t see that one coming. I love every second Jon and Stephen are on air together, so fingers crossed for more show-crashing! I loved Stephen’s greenscreen cape too, that was adorkable.

    I wasn’t able to watch the shows until they reran this morning at 1:30 and 2, so when TCR came on, I had to physically stifle myself from laughing out loud so hard, especially during the People Destroying America segment! I can’t even pick out a bit from it that was particularly funny, because the entire thing was absolutely hilarious. But I can pick out the funniest part of the show – I don’t know why, but when Stephen started yelling at his hand, I was cracking up because he was yelling at the picture when he could just as easily yelled at his physical hand HA!

    I adored the Bill Bryson interview. I can’t believe I’ve never heard of his books before, but I will most definitely be picking up his new one. The idea of searching for the meaning behind certain cultured practices and why certain objects and places are called this-and-that, has always been something I find incredibly interesting. Random word and phrase trivia history is about the best way I can think to describe it. :)

    • Aargh! RL is getting in the way of my TCR watching…

      Lockhart -Do do DO read all of Bryson’s books. MIne are in boxes somewhere and I *need* to read them, in fact I suspect I’m now in withdrawal. Like I posted earlier, he’s a delight both in person and to read. So many good books, so much enjoyment!

      My reCaptcha: thinking fughkinc. Seriously?

  2. Oh. My. Gosh. The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear announcement overpowered the rest of BOTH shows, much as I enjoyed Rakoff’s and Bryson’s interviews. The invisibility cloak was hysTERical, the mojo exchange was brilliantly funny, and, well, Oprah? I mean, OPRAH?! I have a friend who’s arranging a chartered bus to D.C. (and no, no relation to Oprah!), so I will BE there!!!!!

    Were any Zoners were at either show’s taping yesterday? A taping report would be wonderful.

    • I always figured they were going to be in the same place when they announced them, but I had thought they would probably have two stages facing each other. Maybe it was too much trouble to set that up?

      I loved the part when Stephen stole Jon’s mojo but Oprah made him give it back that shows JUST how powerful Oprah is and why Stephen had to make that retraction.


      HuffPo is doing more than providing buses to the rally, they are also giving away flip cams to document it.

  3. Caoilfhiann says:

    I loved the whole show and had trouble voting on only one segment, but I finally went with the goats. “Goats are biologically built to eat brush.” George W. Bush clears brush. George W. Bush is a goat. I can find transitive properties, too.
    “I don’t think we would ever poop on a job site.” He didn’t THINK he would? Hmmm. Anyway, goat poop makes a better fertilizer than human poop, so goats win. I case you can’t tell, I kinda like goats. I certainly like them better than I like G.W. Bush.
    I like Bill Bryson, too, and have read a couple of his books. He won me over when he opened “The Lost Continent” with “I come from Des Moines. Somebody had to,” a line I found much funnier than my Des Moines bred father. I’ll have to give this new book a read.

  4. Ms Interpreted says:

    Excellent show at all levels. The mathematical equation of masturbation to being gay was delightfully silly, and the callback to the hand marriage made it even more so. The Rent-A-Ruminant segment was absolute hilarity — “I don’t think we would ever poop on a job site” is maybe my new favorite slogan. And Bill Bryson … how I love your love of the obscure, the anecdotal, and the trivial in everyday life. I was re-reading bits of A Short History of Nearly Everything the other day on my commute, and I was just grinning like a fool. Such fun!

    • I used to love Bill Bryson and watching him last night made me realise I hadn’t read any of his stuff for ages. His book about travelling around Britian [was it Notes From A Small Island?] reduced me to absolute hysterics once when he started talking about Brits at train stations not believing the train information they’ve been given. Horribly accurate, and in fact so dead on that I’m sure he personally observed me getting on a train and faffing about at some point! I bookmarked that page and used to flip to it whenever I needed a good laugh.

  5. Ms Interpreted says:
  6. Was that a shout-out to the infamous “demon sheep” political ad, toward the end of the goat segment? Methinks so.

  7. Lone voice in the wilderness here – just never got on the Winfrey bandwagon… and I kinda wished Stephen didn’t retract his *bleep* Oprah remark.

    • lockhart43 says:

      You’re not alone – I’m not a big fan of Oprah either. But it is Oprah freakin’ Winfrey, and I do find it hilarious how powerful she is. It really is awesome that she’s ponying up flight and hotel fare for Jon’s entire audience (why couldn’t this all have happened back in July when I was there? *sigh*). And I certainly laughed my a** off at Stephen’s “F**k Oprah” comment, and his soft retraction at the end of the show, possibly to cover his butt so she doesn’t fire him. After all, Oprah could probably fire the British Prime Minister if she wanted to, lol. :P

  8. friedthing says:

    Obviously, I could foresee that they would combine the rallies, but I definitely hope they find ways to keep the charade of rivalry going… I’ve been really enjoying it!!

  9. I loved loved loved both shows last night!!! And I love that when Jon and Stephen are together, they act more childish than usual.

    Bravo to whoever produced/wrote/edited that goat segment! That was hilarious!

  10. MaryLovesColbert says:

    That announcement on The Daily Show was unbelievable!! I swear, the most fun thing is when Jon & Stephen visit each other’s shows. I loved every minute of both The Daily Show & The Colbert Report, but I had to vote for the announcement — Stephen had an invisibility cloak!

  11. Stephen looked like a right cheeky monkey when he gatecrashed TDS [huzzah!], although I was a biiiiiit disappointed when they announced the emerging of the rallies – I thought there would be an actual march until the dramatic point where the dark, scaremongering forces of Fear finally confronted the rising tide of Reasonableness. And only then would everyone intermingle happily. Now it’s just everyone hanging around in one spot, with ‘Sanity’ the biggest word on the poster. Gah!

    And a wag of my finger to one Stephen Colbert. Don’t ever apologise to that Oprah woman again. You’re supposed to be the man with the balls to stand up to anyone and you went and wimped out, forcing me to practically retract my earlier yelp of laughter.

  12. i dunno if im the only one here who feels this way- but i dont usually watch jon so when stephen mentioned that he was there earlier on i immediately paused tcr and hopped over to tds- but i literally screamed at my laptop when i found out that only jon’s audience was given this awesome gift- i wasnt even in tcr audience but i feel dissed!! NOT FAIR :(

    anyway- awesome show and i loved stephen’s invisible cloak!
    favorite part from the goat segment was the fake ad saying “i dont think wed ever poop on the job” :D

  13. Yeah. I feel like Oprah was only in favor of Jon’s rally. Quite frankly, I don’t know if this is all part of the act or not, but it’s really annoying that Jon is getting all the attention. Jon gets the busses from HuffPo and Oprah comes on the show and gives the audience tickets to the rally and then says she isn’t on board for the whole fear thing, or whatever the hell she said.
    I don’t know, but it kind of pissed me off that they combined the rallies, even though I think they were going to be in the same place. They should still have the rivalry.
    Still, I loved the invisibility cloak, that was cool. I also died laughing at the “we would never poop on a jobsite” line. The BEST!!

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