EPISODE NUMBER: 6133 (October 14, 2010)
GUESTS: Bill Bryson
SEGMENTS: Transitive Property of Christine O’Donnell, People Destroying America- Goats Steal Landscaping Jobs, Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear Chinatown Bus Tickets
VIDEOS: Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tonight’s show actually started a few blocks over on the Daily Show set – Stephen crashed Jon Stewart’s set, whimpered a bit, got Jon to put Stephen’s name on his permit, and then promptly stole Jon’s mojo. *snicker* And then OPRAH F**KING WINFREY SHOWS UP!!! Holy cow! Oprah! “EVERYBODY’S GOING TO THE RALLY!” That brought a little tear to my eye.
And now – on to the ‘Colbert Report’! Boom shaka laka! The Transitive Property of Christine O’Donnell (“So by the transitive property of O’Donnell, masturbating equals being gay.”) is just so brilliant. But his berating of his gay marriage wedding hand? The icing on the cake.
We talked about the Rent-A-Ruminant segment a few weeks ago here at No Fact Zone, but I never saw the segment going in that direction! How funny – goats taking jobs away from Americans. And yay for Gino the walking stereotype! It’s always fun to hear Jason Baker singing on the show, and his “I don’t think we would ever poop on a job site” theme song was hysterical.
Speaking of poop, I’ll make sure to do as Stephen asked tonight and get in those porta-potties and go hog wild. If, you know, there are actually any there. Spookyordooky.com has some serious potential to be amazingly silly. I found the interview with Bill Bryson to be genuinely interesting. I could have just sat there and listened to him tell stories for hours.
Normally we cap the ‘Colbert Report’, but let’s face it, this is an amazing picture. This work that Jon and Stephen are doing together for the rally is just making me (and many of you too I imagine) so very happy. And what did you think of the episode tonight? Leave a comment – we’d love to hear from you!
- Today they dug one up from all the way back on last night at 8 O’Clock.
- In fact, folks, O’Donnell couldn’t have answered that question better if Sarah Palin’s own advisers had prepped her for the debate. What’s that? Oh, I’m being told that Sarah Palin’s advisers prepped her for the debate.
- So let’s follow O’Donnell’s ironclad logic. Being gay in the military equals committing adultery in the military. The military is on both sides, so reduce that equation. So being gay equals committing adultery, and masturbating equals committing adultery. So by the transitive property of O’Donnell, masturbating equals being gay. Oh my God, how could I not see this – All this time I’ve been doing it with a dude!
- How could you lie to me all these years? We’ve been together since high school! Worst of all, worst of all, who do you think you were fooling wearing white?
- The scapegoats are goats.
- This woman is completely out of her [bleeped] mind, I’ll tell you right now.
- That’s right, comparing goats to Gino is an absolute impossibility.
- Does Obama know about this stuff?
- But first, as always, my march coverage is brought to you by Reese’s, the most terrifying candy because we traced a phone call and the peanut butter is coming from inside the chocolate. Get out of there!
- So it is with a humble heart that I say to my friend Jon Stewart, sucker.
- He’s responsible for the cleanup. So get in those port-a-potties and go hog wild.
- My grandfather had a saying. He used to say, F**k Oprah.
- You’re going to the march and you’re going to the march and you’re going to the march. Everybody’s going to my march! I will pay for everyone here tonight to travel to Washington, D.C., on a bus from Chinatown.
- And Shin-Wu boasts the latest in comfort technology, like seats. Remember, on Shin-Wu, your chicken rides for free.
- My rally/march is on halloween weekend. There are going to be parties that Saturday night. So come in costume dressed as something terrifying, like a gay mexican grizzly bear.
- I’d rather have a good one than a right one.
- How did you make more people in front of everybody else? [You make more people in front of everybody else.] Really? So it wasn’t as boring as everyone thought.