Episode 6124 (9/29/2010) – Steven Rattner

Colbert Report Episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 6124 (September 29, 2010)
GUESTS: Steven Rattner
SEGMENTS: March to Keep Fear Alive Insanity Bus, The Word – Original Spin, ThreatDown
VIDEOS: Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Did anyone else catch Stephen starting the show talking about “Warshington D.C.”? Every once in a while, Stephen says things in a Southern inflection but with no Southern accent. The word behind, for example, with the accent on the first syllable (BE-hind), referring to derriere, is one that comes to mind. I think “Brick with Googly Eyes” should be the official ‘Keep Fear Alive’ mascot. Seriously. Like I expect people to be carrying them at the rally.

When I saw the graphic for #2 on the ThreatDown, “Whoever’s F**king our koalas!”, I thought, man, the person in the picture looks seriously familiar. So I punted an e-mail out to the Completists – “Hey, a little help, who was the guy in the koala f**ker picture?” We tossed around a few ideas, and realized, oh, it’s segment producer Matt Lappin! And then we laughed really, really hard at having this long e-mail chain about the identity of the koala f**ker.

Stephen was not kidding when he ended the show with the call to book your rooms for the rally they’re going fast. According to NBC news, the booking for the weekend is up about 25% up from normal. So book your hotel rooms soon, kids! And don’t forget to talk about the episode in the comments!

Why would anyone sleep with a koala?  Afterwords, they're so clingy!

  • But that’s ridiculous – who would buy an album from the Sane Clown Posse?
  • You’re bussing people to Jon Stewart’s sanity rally? [in Austrian accent] Well, I’m sorry, dahhling, I’m calling bulls**t.
  • She warned us that the rhythm was going to get her, but we didn’t listen.
  • It’s just like a normal bus, but you would have to be insane to get on it because instead of a human driver, it is being driven by this brick with googly eyes, which I will place on the gas pedal.
  • What’s that? Later.
  • Ladies, don’t take it personally, especially since constitutionally, you’re not persons.
  • And gays, you don’t have any protection against sexual discrimination, either. Back in the 1860’s,there were no gay people. [Just “Friends Of Lincoln.”]
  • [Oh No, Thou Hath Not!]
  • Sorry, Captain Morgan’s Rhyming Dictionary. It’s a 1000 pages of words that rhyme with Arrrgh. Like Carrr, starrr, and Tennessee senatarrrrgh Lamarrgh Alexandaarrrgh.
  • Jimmy, that’s regular Kiss. Show me gay Kiss.
  • The only time two dudes should have a record together is when they are joined at the torso, or are the fattest twins on motorcycles.
  • Which brings us to Threat #2, Whoever’s F**king our koalas. Knock it off! It’s not funny! This is the most disturbing beastiality news I’ve heard outside of any e-mail by Carl Paladino.
  • Why would anyone sleep with a koala? Afterwards, they’re so clingy!
  • Quick sidenote – koalas, do the right thing and alert your previous partners. I get the feeling Jack Hanna’s going to get an awkward phone call tonight.
  • That’s right – hand sanitizer does not work. What am I going to do? I use this stuff all the time, and not just on my hands. I go head to toe. And once every October I get a Purell colonic. It stings like the dickens, but on the plus side, you get hammered and you can still pass a Breathalyzer.
  • Did you call yourself the Chrysler LeBaron?
  • How fast can you change a tire?
  • I’d like to couch this all in imperial terms, if you don’t mind.
  • Wow, that’s worse than the publishing industry!
  • Steven Rattner: So why didn’t Ford go bankrupt?
    Stephen Colbert: Because the ghost of Henry Ford was fighting from the afterlife?
    Steven Rattner: Well, that’s actually partly true.
    Stephen Colbert: Someone write that down.
    [Editor’s note: On it!]
  • Thank you for coming, and thank you for pimping America’s ride.


  1. Absolutely loved the character break! You could just see him lose it in his eyes and if you listen closely you can hear his stifled laugh. Just awesome, I loved every minute of it. That, plus the look of pure astonishment paired w/ joy during the interview when he provided a semi true of the cuff response was adorable.

  2. That was one epic character break. I laughed so hard at that. In fact, the whole Threat Down was hilarious. I wonder if Stephen is going to abandon his Purell now.

    The brick with googly eyes looked like an Amy Sedaris craft project.

  3. My favorite moment had to be the brick with the googly eyes bus driver, to the point where I am still wondering whose idea that was. I loved seeing Stephen “listen” to the brick and say back “later” as he put it away.

    And yes the character break was wonderful. I always love a threatdown and they seem to be returning these days. Maybe with the march coming it’s fitting.

  4. The face Stephen is making in that pic is just soo cute (: and yes who ever is f**king our koalas its not funny!

  5. I really think that “Who’s f**king” should be a new tag for videos on colbertnation.com. Its popping up in segments enough.

  6. Mr. Arkadin says:

    The character break was epic. The fact that Stephen tried so heroically not to laugh & just couldn’t stop himself, made it one of the biggest laughs I’ve ever had watching TCR.

    Also, I’d just like to say to all the ladies out there, that despite the fact that you are bear-magnets, I think (on the whole) your invention back in 1868 was worthwhile. ;)

    A truly great show!

    • lockhart43 says:

      This is completely off-topic, but I thought you would like to know that Mythbusters returns with all-new episodes next Wednesday the 6th. :)

  7. Oh, wow, that WAS a massive (in both senses) character break! Though I honestly don’t understand what got him so tickled about the koala picture. It was funny, but not above and beyond all their other graphics… am I missing something? It’s just a guy looking lustily at a koala, no? (And really, only in the context of the Report would that be a “what’s the big deal” situation, haha)

    Steven Rattner did a really good job, I thought, and you could tell that Stephen was pleased with it as well.

    I think Stephen says the word “folks” in a southernish way often :)

    • My theory is that Stephen probably cracked up because the graphic department slipped Matt Lappin into the picture without telling him beforehand, leading to that epic crack up!
      The W0RD was damn fine, and Stephen’s moment of genius in the Steve Rattner interview was a joy.

    • Oh god, the koala crack-up!

      I think what was so funny [for me, anyway] regarding the picture was the unintentional soft-porn ‘pose’ of the koala – kind of leg up, slapping its own ass, come-and-get-me-boys look to camera, kinda thing.

      Or maybe that’s just my dirty mind….my apologies if that’s the case!

      • Gratefull says:

        I don’t believe there is anything that gets to the air unintentionally. LOL …

      • I actually meant ‘intentionally’! Nuts. Was so amused by friedthing wondering what she was missing, but had to keep retyping the whole thing in as my cat was trying to ‘help’ me post. Damn you, keyboard cat!

  8. Karenatasha says:

    This was just a FANTASTIC show! The Word was spectacular, the character break irresistibly funny…and the Koala? F&&ing great!

  9. MaryLovesColbert says:

    That character break was wonderful, you could definitely hear him laugh! I wish he hadn’t covered his mouth — we want to see that smile, Stephen! A really fun episode, I thought. :)

    Oh, and the Brick with the Googly Eyes should absolutely be the mascot. :D

    • He ALWAYS covers his mouth, or tries to, anyway, during character breaks. I fully agree, I’d love to see the smile, too, ’cause lord knows he’s got an utterly adorable one, but who cares, that segment had me rolling with laughter-I damn near swallowed the food I was eating at that time the wrong way. The koala story reminded me of an old clip of “The Soup” where they talked about that very same thing. It does make you curious as to how on earth these koalas are getting the disease…

      Add me to the chorus of those who want the googly-eyed brick as the mascot. Someone should pass that suggestion on to Stephen.

      • MaryLovesColbert says:

        I know, and he shouldn’t! Lol. True, though, that segment was just all-around hilarious! Yeah, it does make you wonder…kind of creepy.

  10. Ahh those googly eyes remind me of doing ats and craft at school. I might have to see if I have a brick lying around somewhere!

    Being in Oz, I’ve known about the Koala Chlamydia problem for a while and that’s always been the first thing that comes to mind whenever it’s mentioned. Poor Koalas!

  11. riftcanyondreams says:

    I thought that was another pretty great Word. And of course a superb ThreatDown. “Whoever’s been F***ing our Koalas”.. I like how that’s kind of a running gag thing. I really enjoyed that segment.
    Not to mention the great character break – that was clearly one of the most adorable character breaks I’ve seen in a while. He actually broke out in laughter for a sec there. So funny.
    Well it’s a pretty great TDS/TCR week so far. Just a random thought here: Does anyone else feel it’s about time for a Cheating Death? One of my favorite segments!

    • riftcanyondreams says:

      Oh, and I found the bit about the Sane Clown Posse quite hilarious :)

    • lockhart43 says:

      Totally agree with you about the Word. I especially love the point made at the end, that was such a crisp closer. I also laughed really hard at the [Just “Friends of Lincoln”] bullet.

      And a big “Yes please!!” on another Cheating Death! It feels like it’s been so long since we’ve had one.

  12. I’m starting to think the graphics department is trying to make Stephen crack up by intentionally not telling him exactly what’s going to be in the pictures.

    I approve of this.

    Stephen Colbert, you are adorable.

  13. lockhart43 says:

    That character break was massive! I loved watching every second of that, from the moment he started to break to when he finally gave in and those shoulders started to shrug and he had to stifle his laughter. That was such a great ThreatDown – I imagine we’ll be seeing a lot more of them with the rally coming up at the end of the month, and that is perfectly fine with me. :)

    I am all for Brick with Googly Eyes becoming the rally mascot! I have a feeling that at least one person is going to make a Brick with Googly Eyes costume and wear it to the rally, so we can just make that person the unofficial mascot if all else fails. :P

  14. I loved the googly-eyed brick! It made me think of the googly-eyed clams. Excellent Word last night!

  15. I thought the Word was very, very clever and had my vote until the Threatdown -with the koalas and character break just killed me, seriously. My ribs may never recover from laughing so hard!

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