apopcalypse

Welcome to No Fact Zone’s weekly roundup of cultural references on The Colbert Report. From Darcy to Danger Mouse, String Theory to Shakespeare, we’ve got the keys to this week’s obscure, oddball, and occasionally obscene cultural shout-outs (hey!).

Hey Zoners!  I can’t even tell you how much I have loved this last week of shows.  Pure ridiculous and joyful silliness.  One small thing I’ve enjoyed this year is the new variations on the show theme played as they go to break.  Wednesday’s sitar rendition on the heels of a Native American spirit guide segment made me laugh in particular – brought me straight back to Stephen’s diversity panel at the 2004 Democratic National Convention (to an Indian woman: **”Gandhi or Sitting Bull?”).  This week has been bursting out all over with cultural references, so I’ve been busy, and I’ve had to be selective.  Be sure to post your favorite references, especially if I’ve left them out!
(** = TCR/TDS link)

Monday:  Boobquake Day Causes Earthquake

“That is ridiculous. Skimpy clothes don’t cause earthquakes. It’s ‘feminists cause terrorist attacks’ and ‘gays cause hurricanes’” [pictured: Jerry Falwell & Pat Robertson]

Never underestimate the ability of radical white evangelical preachers to dive down deep into the krazy.  Pictured are Pat Robertson & Jerry Falwell, who made the supreme dick move of blaming the September 11, 2001 attacks on pagans, gays, feminists, and the ACLU, among others (audio here).  John Hagee decreed that God struck down New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina in order to prevent an upcoming gay pride march.  In 1998, Robertson predicted that God would destroy Orlando with hurricanes, in retribution for its Gay Days event. Justice or irony, you decide: the hurricane instead struck Virginia Beach, from where Robertson broadcasts his show.

“Where everyone has the right to life, liberty, and ‘letting their milkshake bring all the boys to the yard’”

Can I just say my heart giggles whenever Stephen breaks into the R&B?  That’s 2003′s “Milkshake” by Kelis.  Right up there with **Stephen’s rendition of “My Humps”. 

“Oh. My. God. Hoda Kotb Salami Casey Kasem Suzuki was right.”

Tuesday:  The Real Lloyd Blankfein & Current Events

Yes, it’s Tiger Beat for the Alex P. Keatons of the high school set!  Fab stories from the cover of Bull Beat magazine: “Jamie’s Small-Cap Crushes” “Vikram’s Late Night Credit Default Spit Swap!” “Oh My Lloyd! Bank Hottie Deposits His Darkest Secrets”

“This tase-bot is the perfect way to take down maniacs who are also fans of the Short Circuit movies.  Plus, it renews my hope that someday, someone will tase Steve Guttenberg.”

Steve Guttenberg starred in Short Circuit, the Police Academy movie franchise, and who knows, maybe something good. In Short Circuit, robot Number 5 gets electrocuted, becomes intelligent, and escapes. No meth in those, but there’s still hope for Short Circuit 3.

“I say forget this safety study.  They oughta make tasing methed-out sheep into a TV show on AMC.  They could call it Breaking Baa.”

The Report does nothing in half measures, that’s for sure.  The Greatest Pun of All Time is on AMC’s Emmy award winning show Breaking Bad, about a high school chemistry teacher who starts making and selling methamphetamine to support his family.  Both the original show and the Greatest Pun logos incorporate the chemical symbols for bromine (Br) and barium (Ba).

Wednesday:  Intro & Cheating Death & Greg Easterbrook

“Should psychedelic drugs be used as medicine? Well, they weren’t called The Grateful Healthy.” [...] “And my guest Greg Easterbrook will talk about the future of the manned space program.  I hope it goes better than the test interview I did with that chimp. [Live About The Apollo]… Sandra Bullock has adopted an African-American child.  NFL scouts, I’d sign him now.”

Shout outs here to The Grateful Dead, the original TV talent show Showtime at the Apollo, and Sandra Bullock’s 2009 film The Blind Side, in which she adopts a troubled African American teen and coaches him to success on the football field and in life (I could write movie blurbs!).

Among this week’s Cheating Death side effects: Insomnia with Dave Attell, Vagina Monologues, Eraserhead, and Skeletal Gryphoning. (h/t allium)

“We know how to defend ourselves against asteroid strikes, sir. You get a ragtag team of drillers, led by Bruce Willis, and you fire them into space.”

In Hollywood, 1998 was the Year of the Asteroid, with blockbusters Deep Impact and Armageddon, starring Bruce Willis and his aforementioned band of ragtag drillers.

Thursday: Tip/Wag- Scientists & OK Go

“The worm was three feet long, smelled like lilies, and spits at its attackers.  Which, coincidentally, is also a way to describe Johnny Weir”

That’s flamboyant Olympic figure skater Johnny Weir, who had the pleasure of meeting Stephen backstage at the Vancouver Olympics (**eye candy!!).

OK Go has made a name for themselves in part for their creative, self-produced music videos.  Check out the treadmill choreography on “Here It Goes Again”, the Notre Dame marching band on “This Too Shall Pass”, and my favorite, the epitome of indie hipster Rube Goldberg machines on another version of “This Too Shall Pass”.  I thought the album title’s origin was neat: Alfred Pleasonton’s 1877 treatise on uses of blue light in agriculture,  The Influence of the Blue Ray of the sunlight and of the Blue Colour of the Sky.

And by request: here’s a clip from **Stephen’s short-lived career as a Good Morning America correspondent, in which he covers a Rube Goldberg contest.  The Colbert Report machine beats any of these!



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