EPISODE NUMBER: 6040 (March 18, 2010)
GUESTS: Fr. James Martin, Mary Matalin
SEGMENTS: Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA
VIDEOS: Thursday, March 18, 2010
Greetings, Zoners — Nerdygirl here pinch-hitting for DB. There’s a whole other episode to recap for this week! You didn’t think we’d forgotten about it, did you?
Thursday’s show led us out to the break with some great segments and big laughs. I just about kvelled when I saw that adorable puppy, and then died laughing when Stephen suited him up in a little suicide bomber rig.
And of course we saw a return to Stephen’s conservative radio talk show, Colbert on the Ert. Man, I wish that was a real radio show. I would dial away from NPR in a heartbeat, and I’m a seriously committed fan (and supporter) of NPR. Father Jim, Colbert Report Chaplain, was on hand to discuss Glenn Beck’s most recent nuttiness, urging people to leave their chuch if it preaches social justice.
Cheating Death (my second favorite recurring segment, after Threat Down) made a triumphant return also. I want a Vax-Alert, the world’s first robotic pill case: “FEEL BETTER. FEEL BETTER. FEEL BETTER.” I feel better already! Thanks, Prescott Pharmaceuticals!
I loved Republican Talking Points Bingo with Mary Matalin — although it seemed to throw her off, because she was trying very hard not to say anything that might be on the card. Kinda tough without the talking points, isn’t it? But the best part was Stephen nailing her at the end by bringing up Donald Rumsfeld — all the same qualifications as Cheney, the same history, the same experience, the same failed foreign policy, but Rumsfeld (after resigning in disgrace in 2006) at least has the good grace to stay out of the Obama administration’s policies. Even Matalin herself had to give Stephen some kudos for that one.
Hope that will tide everyone through until the break is over. What was your favorite part of Thursday night’s show?
- Nation, we have a sleeper cell in our country and it’s sleeping at the foot of the bed. Fundamentalist Fidos have infiltrated our borders and are lifting their legs on Lady Liberty!
- (to adorable puppy) Listen up, Buster! You have been a very bad boy! I’m gonna have you shipped off to a secret CIASPCA kennel in Eastern Europe and they will make you speak.
- Looking forward to seeing everybody this weekend at the 5th Annual Charity Guns for Knives Swap at Parkerview Elementary. You bring in your old knives, we’ll give you a brand new gun!
- (Beck: “Social justice” and “economic justice” are code words.) Stephen: Yes, they are code words for helping people.
- I know when I think of Hitler and Stalin, I think of social justice.
- Stephen: If I help the poor, what’s in it for me? Why should I help the least of our brothers?
- Fr. Jim: Other than eternal salvation, you mean?
- Stephen: Yeah, yeah — what is my immediate payoff?
- Stephen: If Pope Benedict has to step down, do you think Glenn could be the next Pope? Because he certainly seems comfortable with telling Catholics what to do.
- Fr. Jim: Well, I think if he were, then I’d probably listen to his advice to leave the Church.
- Prescott: When you need a little helping hand, take our medicine and grow one out your neck.
- I’m just surprised it took BioSpecifics fifty years to inject this enzyme into a penis. That’s one of the first things I do with an unknown chemical. What else are summer interns for?
- Prescott discovered that Vaxagra vastly increases the size of your penis…’s toenail. “But Stephen,” you say, “my penis doesn’t have a toenail.” Thankfully, we have a cure for that now.
- Side effects of Vaxagra may include gluteal iPads, shin boners, and Jameson’s Irish Whiskers.
- While old people can be forgetful, they are great when it comes to setting up the internet, recognizing cell phone ring tones, and accessing voice mail messages.
- I don’t believe Jesus said “If you don’t work, you don’t eat.” I believe that was from Cool Hand Luke.
- I belive in your paraphrasing.
- Rahm and I are old friends. He kissed me once on this cheek and I can no longer hear out of this ear.
- You’ve done really well at not saying what everyone else says. You haven’t said much, though. You talk really slowly.
- Matalin: They’ll be for cross-state competition (Stephen marks off a Bingo square) — that’s Afghanistan! I can read upside down.
- Stephen: It’s the same thing.
Anyone else get the feeling Stephen just wanted to sit and have Puppy Cuddle Time for the rest of the show? I for one would not have objected. (…Except that Cheating Death is hilarious.)
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Oh, totally. I loved watching the puppy eyes just melt him to mush:)
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“WHO’S going to go boom? WHOOOOOO’S going to go boom? You are! Yes, yes you are!” :)
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I really enjoyed this episode. Stephen was silly, witty, poignant and brilliant. My favorite line is when he told Matalin that she wasn’t saying much w/out the talking points. Oh and how old people are good with technology (can’t say how many times I have tried toexplain email storage to my mom!) Plus an adorable pooch and cheating death?!?! Well deserved break Mr. Colbert and staff! Enjoy!
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ahhhh… an episode guide… I feel so much better, and can go on with my life now that I’ve gotten my fix. Only sort of kidding :). GREAT episode!!! I love hearing from Fr. Jim, he’s so witty and sweet. And that was a REALLY cute dog. And a Cheating Death too?!?! Thanks, TCR people!
A couple things of note: Mary Matalin was just asking for it by wearing that huge cross… not to doubt her sincerity, maybe she wears it every day… but otherwise I’d say that was exceptionally bad timing on her part. And whoever was in the robot costume had fantastic aim at Stephen’s mouth!! Those kinds of, uh, props? costumes? always make me kind of jealous of whomever does that on the staff… “What did you do today, honey?” “Well, I made a gigantic robot costume that could light up and shoot pills,” or “Well, I made a penis bomb,” or “Well, I made a golden rapture helmet.” Ooo, also “bang bang stab stab!” in the dj voice made me laugh :).
prophetic recaptcha: droning week
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I totally agree with you. Every time a new prop or costume is used on the show, I become increasingly jealous of the TCR staff. Like with the Pringles bit – someone had the job that day of running around New York City to different stores just buying Pringles. Now that is an awesome job!
Oh, and Stephen’s DJ voice when he said “bang bang, stab stab” made me laugh too! :]
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I was so glad when Stephen called her out on the gaudy cross. I am not against people wearing crosses, but I am against people who flaunt crosses like that and make them gaudy.
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Ahhhh I can’t vote! TCR (and, as an aside, TDS as well) was on FIRE last night!
First break out the suicide bomber puppy, then Father James Martin, who excites even this former Catholic. By the way, I loved the lines with which Stephen ended their interview. It was a nerdgasm for anyone with a Catholic background.
Then that robot on Cheating Death, and then a nailing of Mary Matalin. Then to top it off, Stephen correcting himself by throwing up the Thessalonians verse.
One of the strongest episodes I’ve seen in the past few weeks, in my opinion. I can’t choose favorites on this one. This episode let TCR go out with a bang before the break.
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I don’t think Stephen was correcting himself – they acknowledged that there was a quote from the bible (but not a quote from Jesus as MM claimed) regarding No work/No eating. However, Stephen was exactly correct that Jesus never said “don’t give a man a fish”.
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Ohhhh man TDS was so freaking fantastic on Thursday!! The Glenn Beck bit that Jon did was one of the greatest things I have ever seen. It was a thing of beauty. Amazing.
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I stood up and cheered for the endings for both interviews, but for very different reasons. I just adored how Stephen in a perfectly genial manner handed Mary Matalin her tushie on a platter about a dozen different ways.
But, the ending to the Fr Jim interview was hilarious. It caught me off guard when Stephen said “The interview is over” because it seemed like such an abrupt way to end. And then I squeed at the punchline. Which reminds me of a tale that may be Catholic urban legend, but that my brother swears happened at a mass he attended. The parish priest was officiating over Sunday mass as usual, but his microphone kept cutting out and then coming back on, as microphones sometimes do. It wasn’t any great problem, because as any Catholic can tell you, once you’ve attended a few hundred masses, you pretty much have the routine down, and know what the correct responses are. So, toward the end of mass, the priest recited one of his “lines”, but the mike cackled and broke up particularly badly. Frustrated, the priest said, “There’s something really wrong with this microphone”. To which the parishoners reflexively replied, “And also with you, Father.”
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Haha, that is definitely an old, classic Catholic joke that’s been around.
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Father Jim tells that joke all the time! (I’ve seen him give talks at several parishes!)
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By the way, I loved the lines with which Stephen ended their interview. It was a nerdgasm for anyone with a Catholic background.
That was, without a doubt, my favorite moment of the show. I wouldn’t have called it a “nerdgasm,” but I did laugh for about five minutes. What a perfect way to end the interview!
Someday I would love to see Stephen (not “Stephen”) do an extended interview with Father Jim. I bet that would be interesting and fun.
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“Someday I would love to see Stephen (not ?Stephen?) do an extended interview with Father Jim. I bet that would be interesting and fun.”
Ohh I would too, absolutely. Could not agree with you more.
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EWTN. Book them! Your ratings will go through the roof…i.e. be more than 500:)
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I loved that! Fr. Jim was a great interview, as usual, and the suicide bomber puppy and Cheating Death were hilarious! Great show to precede the break. :-)
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What an adorable puppy! I “aww’d” throughout that whole segment. I really enjoyed the Father Jim interview as well – I have a great amount of respect for him and love whenever he’s on the show.
Honestly, during the commercial break before the Cheating Death segment, I said to myself, “Man I hope they do another Cheating Death soon…” And bam! There it was. The graphics department has really been on point this week – I laughed SO hard when they brought up the picture of the zipper toe! Along with the giant styrofoam cup, you can add Vax-Alert to the list of Obscure Things That Have Attacked Stephen. And ‘shin boners’ may be one of the funniest side-effects I’ve ever heard. I love the new intro as well!
I thought Matalin was pretty boring, so I was happy Stephen made up for it. Loved the “you haven’t said much line,” too. Great shows this week – hope Stephen and the staff enjoy the much-needed break!
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Always love when Father Jim comes on board–what a calm, smart, intelligent voice for the church! I laughed out loud when he tried to hide his eye-roll when Stephen suggested that Glenn Beck could become Pope! But I think the most sly line of all was when Stephen held up the cross and said, “If Jesus wanted me to focus on the poor, the powerless and the outcast in society, don’t you think he would have put something on (the cross) to encourage empathy?” Of course, Stephen was referring to Christ crucified, but then pivoted to the “sacradorable” kitty!
I was surprised how lame Mary Matalin was. I thought she’d be able to do better give-and-take. After all, she gets plenty of practice with her husband!
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Hmmph! Well, I still choose to believe it’s true. I don’t know how it could be if it’s been around for a long time, but it is true. It’s a mystery that I cannot fully understand.
ReCAPTCHA: leftover too
Geez. Even Recaptcha is critiquing my story.
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I frankly don’t know who Mary Matalin is but I sure as hell do not want to ever encounter her again. It was like she was in slow motion, with Stephen running circles around her in many, many ways.
Gotta love the dogs! But I found Father James very interesting and he got my vote.
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Mary Matalin is James Carville’s wife. It’s pretty much a miracle that they’re still married, since he’s so far on the left and she’s so far on the right. I’ve heard of people getting divorced simply because one was a Michigan football fan and one was a Michigan State fan (true story). And “slow motion” is a great way to describe her…she was so boring I’m surprised she didn’t bore herself to sleep.
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I have to give Mary Matalin snaps for one thing, though. Many years ago, in the midst of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, James Carville and Mary Matalin were on a Sunday morning talk show. Carville was defending the President, saying, “I know Bill Clinton, and he’s been my friend…” and Mary snapped: “Since when has he been a friend to you?? He sent you out to *lie* for him!”
And for once, it wasn’t a Republican debating a Democrat, it was a wife furious and outraged that her husband was so ill-used (and probably hurt as well).
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Did anyone catch the name of the person Colbert mentioned at the tail end of the interview? Sounded like Ron [something]? He got a compliment from Matalin on that.
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It was Donald Rumsfeld, former Secretary of Defense.
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During the sign off, what was the 2 Thessalonians reference about? I’ve looked up the passage but I don’t get the connection.
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I’ve been on vacation and I finally just caught up with all the episodes and I, too, was wondering what that passage during the sign off was referencing. I just looked it up though and I believe it is referencing the comment Mary Matalin made towards the beginning of the interview when she said “you don’t work, you don’t eat” and Stephen said, “I don’t believe Jesus said you don’t work you don’t eat.”
It seems like a correction of sorts to me [on Stephen's part], as the passage says, “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.” Not sure if I’m interpreting it correctly though.
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Yeah, a correction of sorts, in that it’s (roughly) in the bible. Though not a quote from Jesus, so Stephen was right on that ;) (see last week’s Apopcalypse comments for discussion).
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We did a bit on this in last week’s Four Horsemen of the Apopcalypse, and there was some interesting discussion in the comments! :)
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Well said. I real love Colbert he real shut Mary Matalin down. I real felt she real did not know the scripture she was referring to (her fumbling gave her away), no real surprise there, even though she is very good at her day job. Let’s face it; she is very smart so if she real knew the subject she would have hit this with a response “out of the park”. Instead, she said very little. Too funny.
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