Episode 6010 (1/19/2010)

Colbert Report Episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 6010 (January 19, 2010)
GUESTS: Amb. Stephen Bosworth
SEGMENTS: Stephen Colbert’s Skate Expectations: Kicking Ice and Taking Donations on the Slippery Slope Down the Icy Path to the Frozen Road Up to Vancouver ‘010
VIDEOS: Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Normally I don’t put the Toss in the daily poll because, quite honestly, I watch the show on Hulu and don’t know that there is one until someone mentions it in the comments. But a little birdy (okay, MsInterpreted) sent me an e-mail making sure that I watched the GFF toss, and it didn’t disappoint. There’s just something adorkable about when Jon and Stephen quarrel like an old married couple.

It’s fantastic that the Nation actually made the $300,000 goal! Go us! Stephen’s awkward rendition of The Candyman was just delightful! But Stephen actually on the ice, and enjoying the speedsuit, was an absolutely brilliant piece of physical comedy. I had tears coming out of my eyes when Tucker Fredrick’s mom beat him in the speed race. Is it wrong of me to enjoyed “Tucker’s Mom” in Comic Sans font as much as I did? It was just so … typographically goofy. I enjoyed the skating segment so much I watched it twice, and I laughed harder at “Be right back, be right back, be right back.” the second time than the first.

Is anyone else’s stomach hurting as much as mine this morning from laughing so hard?

  • In the words of George Washington at Valley Forge, “Cop a squat.”
  • Technically, Jesus rifles aren’t a holy war. They’re more like an armor piercing Sunday school.
  • And I assume the full verse ends in Eat Hot Lead, Haji. Obviously, that’s just in my translation.
  • That’s why I am proud to introduce the new Hand Gra-bible. Just hold that, pull the pin, and lob it into a cave. [BOOM!] That had a delayed fuse on it, I think.
  • Next, the bobsled. Again I didn’t make the team, because apparently people are too precious to get vomit on their lycra.
  • Verizon Wireless – Wires are for pussies
  • I’m sorry, it’s the thigh, that’s one point off.
  • My understanding is that that’s what the ladies love. Just get it over with, please.
  • Who’s better, Shani Davis or Sammy Davis?
  • On average, how much chest hair do the other speedskaters show?
  • Should this feel this good right here? Should I be enjoying this this much?
  • Do you have anything with more of a lower heel than this? Because I’m more of a Charlotte. You don’t watch Sex in the City?
  • Be right back, be right back, be right back.
  • Stephen: Ever seen someone skate that fast? Tucker: My mom.
  • How do you talk to a madman, I mean, other than right now?
  • By the way, how do the Koreans see us? Do they think of all of us as Alan Alda?
  • I’m going to say something about [Kim Jong Il] and I want you to handle it as diplomatically as possible. He looks like an old woman.


  1. The skating segment was so hilarious! My sides definitely still hurt. I really can’t wait to see the actual race with Davis!

  2. I was watching online and my sides hurt from trying to keep the laughter in! If my parents heard me they’d probably think I’d lost it. Shani Davis (Jr.) looks scary. Can’t wait for the race!

  3. LOVED it. So excited for the Shani Davis race tonight. I can’t believe you didn’t include the quote, “Without your support, they would be racing on butter knives duct taped to Chuck Taylors”!


  4. The whole skating segment was massive. Every moment of it was hilarious. My money would be on Sammy Davis Jr, he’s a triple threat.

  5. I loved the speedskating segment so much. Every bit of it was so hilarious I forgot to worry about Stephen possibly hurting himself. But I would’ve thought the muscle you used most is the gluteus maximus because that’s the one you fall on.

    (Thank you, I’ll be here all week…)

  6. Watching Stephen skating around was the funniest thing I’ve seen. I felt bad for him because he skates just about as well as I do, which is not well at all.
    I’m glad he kept trying though. And I love how he was asking about how much chest hair to show.
    I can’t wait to see the race.

  7. The Hand-Grabible was such a clever idea. The props keep getting more creative and ridiculous and I love every minute of it.

    The skating segment was hilarious! I especially loved the Charlotte reference. I wonder how the race with Shani Davis will play out. I can’t wait to see how they interact!

    • lockhart43 says:

      I loved the Hand-Grabible, too. I loved even more that there was a delay in the fake explosion, lol.

  8. There has been some filler material in these Olympic segments, but those are made up for by the hilarious moments — Stephen’s suppressed laughter after the three-point drifting butt shot, for one.

    Shani Davis looks great. He stands over six feet without skates, if I recall correctly, could be wrong.

    For a nagging reason, the Shani/Sammy davis comparison kinda bugs me. Its probably just me.

  9. First, the Toss was so great! I love when they bicker like that and Stephen acts all needy. Lol

    And the skating segment was so ridiculously funny! I loved him asking about how much chest hair they show and then the race with Tucker’s mom was too freakin’ funny! Man, I just love how silly Stephen acts all the time and hte number of times he said how much he liked the suit was just hilarious.

  10. Great show! Anytime we can have Stephen in spandex, I consider it a win.

    I also loved the words, “Tucker’s Actual Mom” with the arrow pointing to his Mom. And then she beat him. I thought she was going to kick Stephen’s butt, but she didn’t win by much.

    I love the intro for these Olympic segments. Cracks me up every time. “Wires are for pussies.” Bwah!

  11. “should i be enjoying it this much?” haha loved the segment!

  12. Oh boy…God bless Stephen!I never laughed so much.And the toss?They`re so cute!

  13. Ambassador Bosworth interview I found fascinating. For one, Stephen cracked me up. For two, I kept thinking back to IAAASCY, The Introduction:

    “I’m scared of Koreans.

    Bam! That’s me off the cuff. Blunt and in your face. No editing. I think it. I say it. You read it. Sometimes I don’t even think it, I just say it.”

  14. The speedskating segment was too funny. After the day I had at work watching Stephen made my day.

  15. Aw, Stephen’s sad, little, hurt face during the GFF toss was soooo adorable, I nearly voted for that but the speedskating segment was beyond pricelessly funny. Can’t wait to see the race!

  16. lockhart43 says:

    I was so grateful for a Toss last night, and Jon and Stephen did not disappoint. The whole thing was worth waiting five weeks for – it was absolutely hilarious!

    I don’t have much to say about the show, and there’s one reason for that: that Speedskating segment was one of the greatest things I have EVER seen on the show. I literally laughed until I cried. Awesome, just awesome! :D

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