Episode 6006 (1/12/2010)

Colbert Report Episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 6006 (January 12, 2010)
GUESTS: Philip Glass, Raj Patel
SEGMENTS: We Are At War, Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA
VIDEOS: Tuesday, January 12, 2010

This show had everything – political commentary, silly hats, a couple of character breaks, and the guest offering to put $5 into Stephen’s belt. That is a seriously well rounded episode.

For me, some of the most brilliant satire that Stephen does is taking a very serious subject and going over-the-top silly with them. That is definitely what he did with the “We Are At War” segment (featuring Philip Glass?!) tonight. The point being made, that the right can’t decide what they want from the president and will criticize at every angle, is a very valid issue to bring to the forefront. But emphasizing what Stephen envisions the right to be willing to accept, in the form of a free-form poem accompanied by abstract piano music and images of nuclear bombs and Keyboard Cat, was beyond over the top. It was absolutely hysterical.

Cheating Death is one of my very favorite segments on the show. There’s almost always a guarantee of a character break and insane props. And the Cellmet is definitely one of the more insane props I’ve seen on the show recently.

I really enjoyed Raj Patel’s interview. It didn’t hurt that both Stephen and Patel endeared themselves to us at the beginning of the interview with Stephen’s desk crack tongue action with the response of “Ladies …” and Patel’s reaction of feeling as if he should tip the man for the show. This little escapade made me realize that it seems like forever since Stephen gave a moment to the fangirls. It was quite amusing and silly and lovely, and I always appreciate it when he does something “for the ladies”. It seems like we haven’t had many moments like that lately.

What did you all enjoy most about this wonderfully rich show? I love it when it’s hard to pick a segment as my favorite because they were all so good.

  • Because when you’re talking about a sex robot, the first question most guys ask is “How’s her personality?”
  • I think a lot of us on that day took stock of our lives, our friends and our family, our sense of country and community and asked ourselves, Why aren’t I f@#king a robot? Never forget, never forget.
  • Man, he is doing a worse job pretending we’re not at war than I am pretending he’s not president.
  • I won’t believe it until I see him bludgeon a terrorist to death with his Nobel peace prize.
  • Hello, 2003 called, they want their press conference back. *click*
  • So to recap: Obama needs to say we’re at war with Al Quaida, get it, mean it, but each time he says it, it has to be fresh and original, surprising yet familiar, new yet old, like Kenny Roger’s face.
  • We Are At War – performed by Stephen Colbert, Philip Glass, and chorus
    We are at war
    War at are we
    At war, are we?
    Are we at war?
    We are at war
    War at are we
    At war, are we?
    Are we at war?
    I was walking down the street in America
    An American street
    Right here in the USA
    And a young girl approached me and asked
    “Hey mister, are we at war?”
    I said, I don’t know, is there an app for that?
    [Obama] I am commander in chief and I order you to shave that man’s …
    War war war war
    I wish he’d stop pretending
    We are at war for reals y’all
    And now, this important message about the new Cadillac SRX
  • And a word of warning to my plastic surgery patients, I’m about to enter my cubist period.
  • This is huge news! Mice can use cell phones! Now we’ll never know if they actually found the cheese in the maze or if they just used Google Maps.
  • The Cell-met – 20 cell phones hot glued to a skateboarding helmet. And let the healing begin! … Side effects of the Cell-met may include adult onset infancy, carpel testicle syndrome, and Hepatitis Bees.
  • Vaxa-stare – just put a few drops in your eyes, and they’ll stay open for business meetings, dust storms, even a third viewing of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Side effects of Vaxa-stare may include mock turtleneck, angina monologues, and the Clumps.
  • Vaxawang, which you may remember from a class action lawsuit, causes women to grow a penis. Warning: call your physician if your penis lasts for more than 4 hours. Side effects of Vaxawang may include neck foot, varicose brains, Yoko Onanism.
  • Raj Patel: I wanna put five dollars in your belt.
  • We tried picking a leader at random, it’s called Sarah Palin.


  1. Stephen could start every episode with “Ladies…” and I would be a very happy girl! That was a very good trick. Color me impressed!

    I was so torn between Cheating Death and War. Funny and on point! (plus, I loved Stephen’s messed up hair in his face during the performance art piece!)

    Is there a reason the interview took place at the desk? The camera never showed the other half of the studio…just wondering.

    • lockhart43 says:

      I was wondering why they had it at the desk, too. I think it was because they had to make room for the Philip Glass/War segment – didn’t they do that live?

      I’m glad they had the interview at the desk – if they hadn’t, then Stephen never would have had that wonderful character break to get his interview cards out of his desk :D. Sometimes the best moments on the show happen just by chance and then Stephen has to improv his way out, which is always hilarious and such a joy to watch. :]

      • I was wondering what was up with the main interview taking place at the desk, too. That thought kinda went away after the tongue action. I didn’t think about much else after that. ;-D
        I kinda went from thinking…”Hey, why is that…no…we fear change” to thinking, “Okay, he can do every interview at the desk from now on”.

  2. The Phillip Glass segment was so bizaarely abstract but it fit wonderfully with the point Stephen was making.

    Cheating Death is consistently amazing, and I loved the Cellmet. The show’s props keep getting more creative and fun. And of course, they’re a great source for character breaks! Speaking of, Stephen losing his cards in the desk made me so so so happy. I’m glad the camera man decided to zoom in. ;)

    I really enjoyed the interview. I find it so inspiring that Raj Patel just became a citizen on that basis, despite all of America’s problems.

  3. mrtigger001 says:

    The Phillip Glass segment kinda weirded me out. I guess maybe it’s because I’ve never heard what his music is like so I felt left out.

    But sexual humor was abundance tonight and I don’t mind that at all =P. It’s a close race between Sex Robot and Cheating Death, but I’m going to have to go with Sex Robot on the sheer ridiculousness of the creator’s 9/11 remark, and the response it elicited from Stephen:

    “I think a lot of us on that day took stock of our lives, our friends and our family, our sense of country and community and asked ourselves, ‘Why aren’t I f@#king a robot?'”

      • lockhart43 says:

        “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, it is in fact safer to go back in the water.”

        I hadn’t seen this one before! Hilarious!

    • Ha ha! Yeah, it’s pretty much a 3-way tie for me between sex robot, We Are At War, and Cheating Death. They were all so good I can’t pick just one.

      • mrtigger001 says:

        I just watched the interview (didn’t have time this morning), and hot dog, that interview was pretty darn good too. Raj Patel did really well in getting his point across and Stephen had GREAT comeback lines, and that’s all without even considering the hilarious prop malfunction at the beginning.

  4. I loved loved loved the We Are At War thing, although if I’m honest with myself I will probably be rewatching the desk-licking more.

  5. ColbertGirl27 says:

    I think we need sub-categories for the Raj Patel segment: desk-licking and interview:)

    Yeah, what are they hiding on the other side of the set? I’m hoping there’s a surprise in store!

    • friedthing says:

      Are you sure it wasn’t just the set for the “we are at war” thing over there? The piano and the green screen and all?

      • Good point. I know nothing about set-up for that sort of thing. I guess I just assumed it would be desconstructed during the break or maybe it was pre-taped. But, I think you are right!

  6. laughing at nothing says:

    I laughed at the 9/11 sex-robot explanation because at that time, I had a leather purse in for repair at a shop. They had had it for more than 3 months, and when I called them about 10 days after the tragedy, the store owner’s son actually used 9/11 as a reason why the work was delayed! So I asked him, “What does a terrorist attack in New York have to do with repairing a leather bag in Florida?” Sad but true.

    When Stephen used his tongue to get his interview notes, I thought it was an interesting way to get the questions to the answers.

  7. I’m a huge nerd for the Qatsi Trilogy, so this episode basically destroyed me. Stephen doing a tone poem with Philip Glass…I mean…that’s more awesome than anything I could’ve ever dreamed up.

  8. lockhart43 says:

    Stephen was such a joy to watch last night. It’s so hard to pick a favorite segment! Cheating Death is my favorite segment on the show – like DB said, there’s almost a guarantee Stephen will break character or use some ridiculous prop. Cellmet is right up there with the best CD props, and he just looked so adorable wearing it.

    The “We are at war” poem was definitely on the borderline between weird and hilarious, so much so that it ended up being both. I always love those absolutely absurd moments on the show where Stephen goes so over the top that it’s impossible not to get the point he’s making.

    The interview with Raj Patel was great! I cannot even describe how giddy I got when he broke character and had to get the interview cards out of his desk with his tongue. I’m pretty sure I squealed hahaha. :P I am constantly amazed at Stephen’s improv skills. Just to see him stick his tongue in his desk to try to get those cards because he knew it would be funnier made me smile. And that little swagger he did right before he said “Ladies…” was wonderful. Patel’s offer to stick $5 in Stephen’s belt made me laugh so hard!

    • PriyaNoblet says:

      HAHA WAY TO TAKE THE WORDS RIGHT OUTTA MY MOUTH! The only thing I would add to this is that I would’ve given him way more than 5 bucks.

      • lockhart43 says:

        Hahaha! I would’ve, too. :)
        I loved how hard Stephen laughed after Patel said that. It was adorkable.

        • PriyaNoblet says:

          Hahah so good! I like that it clearly threw him off gaurd!

          Just gotta say that I posted screen caps and a link to the tongue clip on my facebook and one of my younger cousins is apparently fallin for him. HAH

      • lockhart43 says:

        “one of my younger cousins is apparently fallin for him.”

        That. Is. Awesome. I’m always happy when another person discovers the Joy Machine. The fact that it was through a clip of him using his tongue to get interview cards out of his desk is the best part. :D

    • Stephen ought to have replied, “What, only five?”

      • lockhart43 says:

        Haha! Exactly. Or, “Is that all in singles, or just a bill? If it’s singles, it looks like more.” lol

  9. Was I the only one who thought of Demetri Martin when Stephen said “…Ladies?”

    The ‘We Are At War’ was… weird and funny. Mostly weird, but yes to really over the top. Also, KeyBoard Cat! Was I the only one noticed that when Stephen told Philip to play them out, Stephen started to do that snapping fingers to music that doesn’t really have a beat thing?

    Cheating Desth = <3. I'm never going to not like that segment.

    Besides Stephen's… showcase of talent, I enjoyed the interview. I loved the $5 line, especially Stephen's smile/laugh afterward.

    All in all, massive show.

    • The Keyboard cat did make me lmao.

      Cheating death last night was also hilarious.

    • lockhart43 says:

      I thought of Demetri Martin, too! I forgot to mention that. I actually watched the entire episode this morning, and when he said, “…Ladies,” that Demetri Martin joke popped in my head. I’m glad someone else thought of that! :)

      • Hey, *I’m* glad someone else thought of Demetri Martin, I thought I was the only one.

        • lockhart43 says:

          Demetri Martin references are never NOT a good thing. :)
          So excited for the season premiere of Important Things in February!

        • I know! I saw a commerical for during TDS, and got even more excited.

  10. Stephen has a very talented tongue. I was impressed that he could retrieve his interview questions in such a creative manner. But as soon as Raj Patel made that remark about putting the $5 in Stephen’s belt, I lost it. So funny!

    Oh yes, lots to love in this show! Loved the Philip Glass/We are at war segment, but Cheating Death wins every time. So many goofy side effects and character breaks.

  11. “…although if I’m honest with myself I will probably be rewatching the desk-licking more.”
    Gotta agree with you there, Cordgrass!

    I voted for We are at War partly because I NEVER would have thought of Philip Glass as an it-getter! Wow! Keyboard Cat had me laughing myself silly, too.

  12. I thought you were gonna include a screencap of Stephen licking his desk to get his questions out, haha.

    Keyboard Cat FTW!

  13. SusieBlack says:

    I couldn’t help but think of SNL’s Sprockets during ‘We are at War’.

    What a brillant way to illuminate Obama’s supposed inability to ‘get it’.

  14. I think I loved the Philip Glass/”We Are at War” segment the best. I do think it was pre-filmed though, so maybe they showed it to the audience using the usual interview space? That’s the only reason I can think of that Stephen would interview Patel at the desk.

    Keyboard Cat as well! So funny and amazing.

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