Episode 5156 (12/8/2009)

Colbert Report Episode guideEPISODE NUMBER: 5156 (December 8, 2009)
GUESTS: Sen. Bernie Sanders, Andy Schlafly
SEGMENTS: USA Infographic about Christmas shopping, Attacks on the Federal Reserve
VIDEOS: Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Even though I’m still a bit wigged about that tongue parasite thing from Monday night, I went ahead and braved tonight’s show. On the up side, we had no poop references tonight! *clap clap clap* On the down side, learning more about the Fed was actually a bit more terrifying than something eating my tongue and replacing it.

I wish that the interview with Sanders could have bit more in-depth. Sanders seemed to be on message, and had that politician’s cadence that annoys the bejesus out of me at political rallies. Unfortunately, being on message doesn’t answer questions, and I think he really missed out on being able to inform a segment of the public that doesn’t give a lot of thought to these kind of matters. Yes, we get it, the bankers make too much money, Ben Bernanke is nasty and awful, we get it … but give us a little bit more meat. Just a bite or two.

It’s been a while since a guest appearance turned into a hard core nailing, but Stephen managed to pull it off with Andy Schlafly. It was interesting to watch Stephen nail Schafly on the phrase “best of the public”. Stephen kept trying to bring him back to something resembling a logical answer, and Schafly squirmed and wiggled his way out of giving a hint of an explanation as to what definition makes the “best of the public” different from open source. It also seemed to slip by Schafly that Stephen was making a very clear argument about Schafly creating his own reality. Stephen’s Wikiality definition, about the truth being what we agree upon, was also skillfully slipped into the conversation. “Is it a jury of my peers? But my peers are the Nation, and they put me on the site.” This is one of those interviews where I wish he could pull a Jon and turn it into a two-segment piece.

Which nailing did you enjoy the best this evening?

Stephen Colbert - December 8, 2009

  • I found it very info-mative.
  • That is sad – I guess only 6% of the parents really love their kids.
  • That’s why I am steamed about recent attacks on the Federal Reserve, known to most of us as the Fed, and by bailed out banks as Dr. Blankcheck Von Moneypants.
  • And every since then, the name Knickerbocker has been associated with massive failure [New York Knicks].
  • Every 3 months, the Fed meets in secret and determines the prime rate by, let’s say, slaughtering a chicken and rubbing the blood on Jacqueline Bisset’s belly, donning a Phoenician mask and watching strangers hump in a suburban mansion, and finally passing through the Stargate to receive the interest rate from the aliens who built the pyramids. Then a puff of smoke comes out of the Fed chimney announcing whether the economy has seen its shadow.
  • That agency? Goldman Sachs.
  • Wrong sir! The definition of being a moral hazard is being married to Tiger Woods.
  • I’m a huge fan of disparity. What’s the point of making all this money if I don’t make a lot more than you do? By the way, I make a lot more money than you do.
  • But who better to solve the problem than the person who helped create the problem? It’s like if you are cursed by a witch, you have to get the original witch to take the curse off you, or don’t you understand financial fairy tale.
  • They could make some new flavors, like Credit Crunch, or Strawberry Clusterf#?k.
  • I will not be out-poor fathered by you!
  • My guest tonight is trying to create a conservative Bible. We already have that. It’s called the Bible.
  • No gossip? Oh, come on, have a little gossip.
  • [Newton] came up with gravity when a bible fell out of a tree.

Comments

  1. I agree about the interview with Sanders. He didn’t take the opportunity to explain the problems with the fed.

    The interview with Schlafly, however, was one of the best I’ve seen in awhile. He truly nailed Schlafly. Hard. And Schlafly still didn’t admit that he and his staff are the ones who decide who the “best of the public” are and what goes into their site. If you don’t tow their line, you’re banned. I really, really loved the line about Stephen wanting to create his own reality like Schlafly has done. Spot on!

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  2. “Every 3 months, the Fed meets in secret and determines the prime rate by, let’s say, slaughtering a chicken and rubbing the blood on Jacqueline Bisset’s belly, donning a Phoenician mask and watching strangers hump in a suburban mansion, and finally passing through the Stargate to receive the interest rate from the aliens who built the pyramids. Then a puff of smoke comes out of the Fed chimney announcing whether the economy has seen its shadow.”

    It still amazes me that someone takes the time to type that stuff out!
    And I don’t know what to vote for today but that was a highlight.

    thanks
    U

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  3. cordgrass says:

    I thought Sanders was great. I suppose I’m biased because I do think Sanders is great in general. And Lord, if you want to find out about all the Fed issues, just drop by colbertnation–it’s a topic that seems to bring out the CT crazies on both the left and the right.

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  4. I think Schlafly is in his own reality without the possibility of seeing anyone else’s. I found his laugh irritating and the nailing delightful! I am sure he didn’t even know he was nailed…

    I also enjoy it when Stephen gets Christmas crazy–I can envision his character tearing a toy from another parent’s grip!

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  5. PriyaNoblet says:

    WOW! That interview was so great! I love it when Stephen really gets up in their faces. ahaha. He’s so good at not letting the guest get away from what he’s trying to point out, as he did with Schafly. Such a wonderful interview.

    PS. Did anyone else get seriously creeped out by that guys laugh?WTF?

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  6. the schafly interview creeped me out a bit, tbh. that guy’s laugh was one of the scariest things i’ve seen- he like… didn’t move his head, at all. just opened his mouth and a demonic noise came out.

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    • God, I’m really glad I wasn’t the only one who noticed that. Man, Stephen seriously nailed him! Makes me want to go back to Conservapedia and do more “editing”…

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    • SpiritMuse says:

      “just opened his mouth and a demonic noise came out.”

      That made me laugh out loud. Very much.

      Massive. :)

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    • lockhart43 says:

      His evil laugh creeped me out too! The way he cocked his head back while he did it, it was just…weird. And creepy. *shudders*

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  7. Andy Schlafly’s demonic noisy laugh creeped me out, too.

    I was checking out Conservapedia and landed on Stephen’s entry. What the heck does the site mean about Stephen claiming to be Catholic? He is Catholic!

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  8. lockhart43 says:

    So I’m a couple of days late on this. Sometimes my college education really cuts into my NFZ and TCR time. It’s a shame. LOL

    Stephen’s hair looked majestic Tuesday. Had to get that out there. :D

    I wish the Sanders interview would have turned out differently. The way that Sanders avoided answering every question Stephen asked really bugged me, and his overall message seemed completely empty. I really wish he would have given Stephen more to work with.

    But how fantastic was that Schlafly interview?! I don’t really have a lot to say about it because I am still in awe of how absolutely MASSIVE it was to see Stephen nail him. I cheered at Stephen’s argument that Conservapedia is creating its own reality and telling people to believe something by completely omitting everything else. The fact that Stephen’s comments went entirely over Schlafly’s head made the interview all the more sweet. It was a thing of beauty.

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