Four Horsemen of the Apopcalypse – Pop culture references in The Colbert Report: November 9-12, 2009

Welcome to No Fact Zone’s weekly roundup of cultural references on The Colbert Report. From Darcy to Danger Mouse, String Theory to Shakespeare, we’ve got the keys to this week’s obscure, oddball, and occasionally obscene cultural shout-outs (hey!).

Hey Zoners!  My new credo for the week: if you like it, you should lick it. If only it didn’t seem so terribly likely to get me in real trouble. What about you?  Have a favorite joke or reference this week?  Post it in the comments!  (* = TCR/TDS link)

Monday: Thomas Campbell

“Have you ever said ‘I’m the director, I’m going to lick something’? I’ve licked a few things there. And I want to tell you, the Vermeers taste terrible.” Campbell: “What tasted best?” “Temple of Dendur.”

I’m not sure what it is with Stephen and licking things, but it is always, always funny.  I think it’s the impropriety coupled with the sheer unexpectedness of the behavior.  He’s licked  * everything at his desk, he’s licked * Jon’s desk in a hallucinogenic trance, he disarmed a museum curator by licking her  * ice display, he tried to  * tongue the Liberty Bell, and he tasted space by licking * a meteorite. I think there’s a fanvid in there somewhere – get on that, Nation.

Tuesday: Iraniversary

“The difference between American nerds and Iranian nerds – the revenge of their nerds involves bombing Israel.”

Remember the early 1980′s, when Hollywood thought computer geeks would save the world from destruction?   The Last Starfighter! Real Genius! Revenge of the Nerds!  Of course, the revenge of our nerds was a series of techno-pranks played on the rival jock fraternity.  But according to Stephen, the future still depends on * harnessing the power of nerds.

Wednesday: Goldman Sachs Does God’s Work

“Property values continue to plummet like a 6 year old out of a mylar balloon.”

Never underestimate the lengths to which people will go for a little publicity.  In October, a Colorado family reported to police that their 6 year old son had climbed into a homemade weather balloon just before it took off.  Local police, the National Guard, and millions of TV viewers tracked the balloon for over 50 miles, and feared “Balloon Boy” had fallen from the balloon during flight.  In the end, the child was discovered safe at home, the parents having concocted the scheme to garner publicity for a possible reality show.  The parents pled guilty to filing false police reports, though they apparently haven’t learned the lesson – look for them on talk shows any day now.

“So I say bravo to the people at Goldman Calf.  Keep doing God’s work. And it is nice to see that God’s work no longer includes punishing pride, greed, vanity, or gluttony.”

Ouch, that kind of praise draws blood.  According to the Old Testament (Exodus 32), when Moses climbed Mount Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments, the Israelites sought new gods.  Aaron fashioned a golden calf idol for them to worship (the Quran says Samiri made the idol), thus enraging God and Moses.  The golden calf has become a symbol of idolatry, and particularly the worship of wealth.  (Looking for more pride, greed, vanity, and gluttony?  See our recent series on the * Seven Deadly Sins!)

Thursday: Intro & Miracle Whip Buys Ad Space

“[The people v. Woody Harrelson]. My guest Woody Harrelson has a new movie.  I wonder what white men can’t do now.”

Surprising that he couldn’t throw a Cheers reference in there, too.  Among Harrelson’s more notable post-Cheers work were starring roles in The People v. Larry Flint and White Men Can’t Jump.

“Then Dan Rather left CBS, just two months after his credibility.”

In September 2004, CBS anchor Dan Rather broke a controversial story about then presidential candidate George W. Bush’s service in the Texas Air National Guard during the Vietnam war, raising questions of whether Bush used family influence to gain the position (thus avoiding service in the war zone), and whether he fulfilled his service obligations.  Soon after, the authenticity of documents at the center of the story was challenged, CBS eventually admitted to failures in journalistic standards, and Rather resigned his post as anchor.

Oh, and Stephen as the Highlander (there can be only one!) is fan-freaking-tastic! If only he’d do the Scottish accent, too.