Episode 5143 (11/09/2009)

EPISODE NUMBER: 5143 (November 9, 2009)
GUESTS: Thomas Campbell
SEGMENTS: Health care bill passes, Better Know a District – Mike Castle (Delaware’s At Large district), US Speedskating takes home the gold
VIDEOS: Monday, November 9, 2009

I’ve missed the ‘Better Know a District’ series ever so. I found the whole joke arc with the cockblocking and chicken marriage to be absolutely hysterical. Between the chicken talk and the Florence Henderson “scandal” talk, that has got to be some of the most bizarre lines of questioning of any BKAD. I think that Congressman Castle held his own while still allowing Stephen to flail in absurdity.

It makes me so happy to see that the Colbert Nation has raised $202,000 so far for US Speedskating. I’m glad that the Nation is coming through, and that the sport is getting lots of publicity from both the blogosphere and the mainstream media over this story. I also find it funny that the same day that Go Fug Yourself mentions their desire to see Stephen Colbert wear the speedskating unitard that this graphic comes up … so close … so close.

There are certain quirky elements of Stephen’s character that never fail to amuse me – Stephen’s fascination with mustaches, his search engine history of tall women lifting heavy things, and his latent homosexual tendancies. But I don’t think anything amuses me more than Stephen’s penchant for licking things. Of course, I now see Stephen’s use of the phrase “If they like it, they should lick it” as being the catalyst of some very awkward Q&A sessions before tapings.

What did you all think of the episode today?

• The Republicans cannot get enough of black comedians. That’s why they hired Michael Steel.
• Just when I thought C-Span couldn’t get any more exciting, wait until you watch Joe Lieberman read the phone book. It’s better than Shark Week, it’s Jowl Week.
• Folks, you know I love being first. That’s why the legal name of this show is AAAAThe Colbert Report.
• 59th installment of my 434 part series, Better Know a District – Deleware’s At-Large District.
• Due to its favorable tax laws, Delaware is the legal home to 2/3 of the Fortune 500 companies. In fact, 1209 N. Orange St., seen here in Wilmington, is the registered office of over 200,000 different companies, leading to some particularly heated arguments as to whose yogurt that is in the staff fridge.
• This is like interviewing a panda.
• At what point do you stop asking Delaware, Congressman, and ask Dela-why?
• I’m something of a cock-thusiast, are you?
• So you are going to cockblock Delaware.
• Crazy people are still Americans.
• You don’t believe Delaware should allow people to marry chickens. You’re burning bridges in every direction.
• You’re implying that I’d consummate my relationship with the chicken. That’s an offensive idea.
• Mike Castle: I would strongly recommend that you rethink your marriage with the chicken.
• All of them had hair of gold like their mother, did the carpet match the drapes?
• We are all going to the Olympics as our own country. Next stop – G20. Thanks for keeping our chair warm, Turkey, you can go now.
• LOOK AT HIS THIGH! LOOK AT HIS THIGH!
• It was the biggest upset for Koreans since they lost on Iron Chef Pickled Cabbage.
• I have not been that wrapped around a woman’s thigh since I went to the Halloween party and dressed as a spaniel. My apologies to Christiana Amanpour.
• If we all pitch in, we can take this formerly obscure sport and raise it to the level of Ontario junior league hockey.
• Have you ever said, I’m the director, I’m going to lick something? … I’ve licked a few things there. I’m not recommending that you do or anyone else do, but I’ve licked a few things there. And I want to tell you, the Vermeers taste terrible.
• If they like it, they should lick it.

• Episode 6040 (3/18/2010)
• Episode 6039 (3/17/2010)
• Episode 6038 (3/16/2010)
• Episode 6037 (3/15/2010)