Episode 5136 (10/27/2009)

epguideiconEPISODE NUMBER: 5136 (October 27, 2009)
GUESTS: Rev. Randall Balmer, Gail Collins
SEGMENTS: George W. Bush speaks in Ft Worth, TX, Pope invites Anglicans into the Catholic Church
VIDEOS: Tuesday, October 27, 2009

On occasion, I have moments in my life where I realize how much amazingly trivial knowledge I’ve managed to retain that is of absolutely no use whatsoever. When they panned over the audience to the handsome gentleman with the collar the size of my first apartment, I said, “Hey, isn’t that Dr. Vizzone?” And then I thought, I can’t remember to feed my cats, but this I remember?!

The Motivational Seminar was actually really big news here in the Dallas/Ft Worth area. I don’t know of anyone who went personally, but they talked about it a lot on the radio and television. Luckily, for the most part, the only way that Bush really makes much local news is when they talk about his library that they’ll be building on the SMU campus, about four miles from my loft. I really enjoyed the Episcopal priest, Rev. Randall Balmer. I always find religious guests interesting because it’s always so fascinating watching the real Stephen emerge during interviews, and trying to figure out what is real versus what is “Stephen”.

I also enjoyed listening to Gail Collins. Being a professional career woman, it’s always interesting to see how far my career field has progressed since secretaries’ duties mainly consisted of typing letters and making coffee. Even within traditionally female professions, the responsibilities and status of many jobs, such as Executive Assistant (formerly Secretary) has raised from being a simple clerical job to a high-earning job with advanced reporting, computer skills and a college degree needed for success.

What did all of you enjoy about the show today? One of my favorite parts of the show was the many, many smiles all over the interview. It’s always fun to see Stephen’s eyes light up when he feels he actually got away with a joke. So enjoy these screencaps!

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

  • I mean, that covers all the days!
  • That is a vast improvement over when Bush packed a stadium full of people.
  • What am I, make of nickels?
  • Look at the twinkle in his eye … socket.
  • You can’t have women and gays wearing clothes like this – that’s guy stuff!
  • Pope Benedict swooped in. That’s why he wears he cape. It allows him to swoop. He’s like a flying squirrel. A flying squirrel who speaks directly to God.
  • It’s like the Catholics are the National League, and the Anglicans are the American League. They’ll all be playing the same game, only Anglicans will be allowed to have designated hitters in that the Pope has designated that the priests can still hit that.
  • Remember, this segment is for Platinum members only. If you’re not currently having cosmetic surgery on your internal organs, why don’t you scurry off to 7-Eleven and raid the take-a-penny tray.
  • I don’t know if that was pixilated at all.
  • It seats five, although you can seat seven if you get the back seat aroused.
  • I want to sell sell some books here, are there any teenage vampires in your book? Let’s sell some books and say that Gloria Steinem was a vampire.
  • The women take care of the kids. That’s just biological. I don’t mean it’s sexist, I salute all the ladies. I cannot produce milk. I’ve tried. It’s just painful and it doesn’t work.
  • I’m glad you found that so amusing, that could have gone either way.


  1. cordgrass says:

    Reading all the jokes above I’m laughing again–full of funny one-liners last night.

  2. I love that he laughed so much last night ^^ Those are the best parts

    • lockhart43 says:

      I love those parts too :) He gets this little smile and glow in his eyes when he really likes a certain joke. I also noticed that whenever he’s really trying to avoid laughing, he’ll make an ad-libbed joke to sort of cover up his smile. It’s adorable. :D

  3. I really enjoyed both interviews last night, but found Gail Collins to be very interesting. Stephen was so smiley and engaged you could just tell when he thought of a great line or question. It is so interesting, entertaining, and satisfying to watch someone who truly loves what they do!

  4. loved the entire show last night!! my favourite part would have to be when rev. balmer was on, though. as an episcopalian i love it when the clergy represent us in a positive light. all you ever hear nowadays is about schisms and the whole gay bishops thing, when at least most of us don’t really care that much. episcopalians tend to just roll with things.

    reCaptcha: ‘nighest POWER’ <- why is it in all caps??

    • POWER-could have been taken from a book title that was in all caps, or any senario like that.

  5. lockhart43 says:

    I always love when he talks about religion on the show or has religious guests on, because he just lights up during the conversation. But I really loved the Gail Collins interview – she was great, and Stephen was on-point the whole time. The “I’m glad you found that so amusing, that could have gone either way” line was my favorite!
    Thank you so much for those screencaps! The middle pic is lovely :)
    And I am SO happy his hair is back to its old self again. I must say, it looked glorious last night :D

  6. mrtigger001 says:

    I’ve actually been to one of those ‘Get Motivated!’ seminars, not knowing what it actually was. Not the Dallas one, but one in Philly. It started innocent enough until it started getting kinda freaky, with guys literally hawking products and quoting Bible verses in the same sentence. Steve Forbes spoke and it wasn’t even motivational, it was a boilerplate conservative talking points speech about taxes and such. The whole thing was a showcase of that strange marriage between the free-market capitalist wing and the southern evangelical wing of the conservative movement.

    Okay, enough ranting. I was digging the Rev. Ballmer interview. I think Stephen probably does religious interviews the best, like when Fr. Martin is on. Ballmer was a great guest who stayed on point, and he played off of Stephen very well. Best line of the night: “Why don’t they come on over to the Catholic Church where there are no gay priests?”

  7. Colbert Platinum had me rolling — diamond encrusted car grill? Whale Penis upholstery? Deserved all the skewering it got.
    The entire episode was hilarious.

  8. I loved all the little character breaks last night; Stephen’s eyes really do twinkle (as opposed to his sockets!) Both interviews were enjoyable.
    Best skewer was the Katrina jab at Bush.

  9. PriyaNoblet says:

    Wow! So many cute character breaks. I gotta say the pope eye socket thing made me die! So funny! And how the SUV seats 7 if you get it aroused. Stephen was just on fire last night. So good. I gotta say though, the ending was priceless. The whole “Good….night?” thing. It’s so hard to not wake up my family when he does things like that. What a champ.

  10. ROTFLMAO <– sums up most of what I was doing while watching this episode.

    I think most of the jokes on the show are genius, but that genius is amplified when Stephen delivers the jokes in the way only he can. He turns the jokes inside-out and reconstructs reality to deconstruct it. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

    Thanks for the review and screencaps!

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