EPISODE NUMBER: 5111 (August 13, 2009)
GUEST: Mark Devlin
SEGMENTS: Sheila Jackson-Lee takes a phone call, Glenn Beck loses his sponsors, Cheating Death
VIDEOS: Thursday, August 13, 2009
What a great show to end the week. Cheating Death is hands down my favorite segment, and I always like interviews that inform as well as entertain. I have no words for Glenn Beck; I mean, I’ll listen to anyone reasonable, but this guy can’t come within a mile of “reasonable” anymore. I love the way Stephen deconstructs Beck’s arguments, even if he has trouble with fractions.
Cheating Death hit home for me because apparently I’m deficient in Vitamin D, and my doctor has me taking vitamin supplements to fix that. I know I don’t get enough sunlight, but it’s not because I’m inside playing on a Vaxbox 360; I avoid the sun because I’m so pale I glow in the dark, and if I spend more than a few minutes in direct sunlight, I burn to a crisp. (This may be a sign that I’m part vampire.)
Let us know your favorite parts of the show in the comments, and vote for your favorite segment in the poll!
- Someone sounds like they’re being goosed with an ice pick.
- In the case of Geico, it’s especially hurtful, because that stack of money with googly eyes is Glenn’s producer.
- “Deep-seated hatred” and “dislike” are two different things. They are as different as putting your foot in your mouth, and your head up your ass.
- Now the problem is, too many people only focus on the first half of what Glenn Beck says, not the second half, where he immediately disavows the first half. Or maybe they’re confused by the third half, when he repeats the first half. And yes, you can have three halves, except in a society where the government has death panels for fractions.
- And Sargento cheese, you should hire Glenn Beck as a spokesman, with the new slogan “Sargento cheese, beloved by crackers.”
- But I do understand why Men’s Wearhouse pulled their support. It’s not political, it’s just that Beck’s demographic tends to wear homemade suits made of tinfoil.
- As always, folks, a disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor. I am a doctor of fine arts, which means when I deliver a baby, it comes out through a Georgia O’Keefe painting.
- Tragically, most of those spinal injuries were caused by green M&M-fueled sex rampages.
- This is going to save the Blue Man Group a ton of money on makeup.
- The folks at Prescott have always known about the healing power of candy. That’s why they are proud to introduce Vaxy Stix. They’re like Pixie Stix, but instead of flavored sugar, they’re filled with ground-up pills swept off the Prescott testing floor.
- Side effects of Vaxy Stix may include navel decongestion, joint custody, and osteopierogies.
- But folks, our kids need TV. How will they learn about the birds and bees if they don’t see that Levitra ad where the guy throws the football through the tire swing?
- Good God, man, don’t look into the light! I hope Stephen didn’t damage his eyes doing that.
- Side effects may include gastric thighpass, male pattern balls, and Radiohead.
- What about pre- and post-menopausal women? We need to fabricate studies to make them take hormones, too. So every woman can enjoy the increased risks of heart disease, stroke, and dementia. It’s what connects them as sisters. They can call it The Sisterhood of the Traveling Hospital Gown.
- Which is why Prescott Pharmaceuticals is proud to present Vaxa-geist, the first hormone replacement therapy for lady ghosts. Why do you think they’re haunting us? They’re moody.
- Side effects of Vaxa-geist may include hairblood, internal koolaiding, and Barry Manilobes.
Much as I love Cheating Death, if for no other reason than because Stephen NEVER manages to keep a straight face throughout, I have to cast my vote for the Glen Beck smackdown. Just because. But my single favorite moment of the night was the “someone sounds like they’re being goosed with an ice pick” comment at the beginning. I was thinking all through the opening “oh, crap, I’m going to have to put this episode on mute and watch with closed captioning” because I could not stand that damned screaming. Stephen’s good natured ribbing put a stop to that nonsense right quick, and I’m so grateful. [rant] I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it. A good enthusiastic crowd is essential to the spirit of the show. I get that. But this “if you don’t hear yourself in the broadcast, you’re not doing your job” instruction to the audience has got to stop. I watch the show to to see and hear Stephen, not to listen to a bunch of narcissist audience members tying to be the loudest and the last one to get a Woo! in. [/rant]
Oh. And I just about fell out of my chair laughing at the line about a DFA delivering a baby through a Georgia O’Keefe painting. So clever, and so naughty.
ReCAPTCHA: Inukai enthuses
Heh. See. Even the reCAPTHA is commenting on the over the top cheering.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Stephen actually said the being “goosed with an ice pick” bit in back January (at my first taping). He, in that instant, was also responding to another enthusiastic audience member. Although, sometimes, a few members can be annoying, the “if you don’t hear yourself in the broadcast, you’re not doing your job” instructions are spot on. Stephen actually feeds off of the enthusiasm of the audience. And it draws the majority of TV viewing audience in as well. Besides, it’s been a very long time since we’ve heard that type of screaming (Thank God). I prefer the “Stephen” chants myself.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I voted for the Glenn Beck segment, as well. I laughed myself silly. The distinctions between “hatred” and “dislike” were spot-on, and the Sargento cracker “ad” was hysterical! I loved Cheating Death, too. I wondered how Stephen would keep a straight face when I saw the O’Keefe painting. I enjoy watching Stephen try to stay in character each time the graphics change. Food props are always good for laughs. Between the Doritos and the Pixy Stix, it was a good night.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I always love Cheating Death!! :)
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I think he did a small character break during that.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I finally got to watch Thursday’s Report and Cheating Death was so, so enjoyable. A most superb line opened the piece and led the way to the rest of the segment: “As always, folks, a disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor. I am a Doctor of Fine Arts, which means when I deliver a baby, it comes out through a Georgia O’Keefe painting.” This statement along with the graphic is one of the funniest to fit a comedic situation I think I’ve ever heard.
The green M&M fueled sex rampage spinal injuries in rats to be mended by blue M&Ms (turning skin blue, giving type 2 diabetes) , a lack of vitamin D in kids, plus the cure all for any female oriented ailment, hormones, were all part of the segment and very funny. The sarcastic handling of the hormone treatment topic by mentioning fabricated research to get pre and post menopausal women on hormones, and the suggested side effects basically all leading to death, moved the segment forward to the “lady ghost” hormone therapy, Vaxa-geist, and it’s side effects of “hairblood,” “internal koolaiding” and “Barry Manilobes,” so funny.
I really had a good time watching this segment. What a fantastic piece, so entertaining yet sarcastically informative, so well written, so well done by Stephen. So, I vote for Cheating Death, as I always seem to do when the segment appears, and I’m pretty sure this habit of mine just won’t be kicked very easily in the future, what can I say.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0