EPISODE NUMBER: 5102 (July 29, 2009)
GUESTS: Kevin Baker
SEGMENTS: The WØRD: He Who Smelt It, Dealt It, Stephen Colbert’s Sport Report
VIDEOS: Wednesday, July 29, 2009
You know it’s going to be a good show when its starts out with Frank Lesser in his boxers. You may also remember Frank as the Other Starbucks Barista Under Stephen’s Desk, or Homero, Stephen’s South American strongmen friend. I always get such a kick when one of the writers gets screen time. Nice smiley face on the back of the robe there, Frank.
For anyone reading from Viacom or Comedy Central, here’s my suggestion for a video compilation – a “People Tell Me I’m White” montage. Those always crack me up!
Oh, and don’t get me started on the Tour de France! Contador is such a douche! You don’t, DON’T, attack your own teammate! Klöden should have been on the podium this year. Now, granted, St. Armstrong isn’t as perfect as some in the press might make him out to be (I’m looking at YOU, Phil Liggett), but Contador – good GOD what a douche. We’ll see how easy Contador has it when he’s trying to win a Tour without Johan Bruyneel as his coach. Of course, my very favorite pro rider is Dave Zabriskie. That man can time trial! And his saddle cream has the funniest name of a product ever. Maybe that’s why I like Dave so much – his wicked sense of humor.
How did you all enjoy the episode?
- Viacom, my beloved parent company, reported yesterday that in the 2nd quarter, their profits fell 32%, possibly because of all of the costly vaccinations required on ‘Rock of Love’.
- I should have explained – to save on rent, I’ve taken on a roommate.
- You don’t hear me asking you how much longer you’re going to be practicing the baseline from ‘Magic Bus’.
- By the way, I forgot to tell you, I’m having 120 people over.
- People tell me I’m white and I believe them because my fridge is full of drinkable yogurt.
- I believe the professor said, “Yo mamma’s so fat, when she wears red, the police say, Hey Kool Aid man! And then falsely arrest her.
- For the record? You bet I would.
- Beck’s not saying Obama dislikes white people, he’s saying he has a deep seated hatred for them. Like Beck likes arguing but has a deep seeded hatred for logic.
- I just cannot believe how much Obama hates his mother.
- In other words, [O’Reilly’s] not going to talk about race.
- Admittedly, we set a high bar with slavery. [Slaves Did Actual Bar-Setting]
- [You Have The Right To Remain Silent But Deadly]
- Do you think this is a teachable fart?
- I can play the sitar.
- Shocking news this weekend at the Tour de France. The person who won wasn’t Lance Armstrong.
- Come on, Lance! America expected you to win forever, until you turned 95 and the flesh melted off your bones, revealing you were a robot sent from the future to make us care about cycling.
- Contador then went on to hawk his new line of DoucheSTRONG bracelets. We must find a cure for him being such a douche. Douche, of course, is the French word for Alberto Contador.
- A perfect pitcher, and a batter who never misses? That’s not baseball, that’s interesting. The whole point of baseball is to stand in one place long enough for the people in the bleachers to become so bored that they’ll pay $10 for a beer.
- Who wants to read about a robotic baseball player cheating on his wife with a toaster oven?
- Don’t enjoy that, they might be applauding the ditch.
- I’m sorry, that’s just a funny term. [Nice callback!]