Episode 5098 (7/22/2009)

epguideiconEPISODE NUMBER: 5098 (July 22, 2009)
GUESTS: Matthew Waxman, Chris Anderson
SEGMENTS: Eclipse in Asia, The Pope breaks his wrist
VIDEOS: Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The first segment for tonight’s show for me was all about the wardrobe. I loved Stephen’s dark suit and lavender tie tonight. I’m pretty sure that Stephen will use pretty much any excuse to wear that shiny silver cape. The interview with Matthew Waxman was really enlightening, and something that’s not talked about much in the mainstream media. The question of “why can’t we just take the terrorists” out is a very complicated one, and one that hasn’t been sufficiently answered for either political side.

It’s so good to hear that wrist awareness is still at the forefront of Stephen’s mind. How many of you Colbert Nation members have a WristSTRONG tanline this summer? [Raises hand – and looks at wriststrongtanline and assume she does, too] I always have two bracelets – one to wear, and one as a back up in case I get a chance to WristSTRONG someone, which I’ve done a couple of times. And I can never, ever get enough of Gregorian chant. I really need to get myself to a Tridentine Latin Mass again soon – they’re really fantastic.

I’ve been meaning to read “Free” by Chris Anderson for quite some time. The whole concept of the Free and Freemium internet is one that has recently become a bit of a problem even for this little site. We’ve never made money on this site – we’ve always taken the miniscule funds we’ve managed to raise and poured them back into the site. As big as we’ve grown, we’ve been forced to monetize so that we can pay for the hosting that it takes to be able to keep this site running. But I hate having to do montetization. I hate having to put ads on the site, but I don’t have the disposable income to pay for the hosting that the site needs. There are many sites who look good in theory but have struggled to monetize to the point where they’re economically feasible, let alone breaking a profit of some sort. We’re fortunate here that we have a very strong community willing to help subsidize the hosting costs, but not all sites are so lucky.

For those of you who would like to read “Free” for free, Anderson has published the book online, and I’ve embedded the book at the bottom of this post for your reading pleasure. You can also check out his Wired blog site for more information about the book and the links for the free audiobook.

What were your favorite parts of tonight’s show? And did those WristSTRONG flashback clips make you miss Stephen’s old hair as much as me? Talk about it in the comments!


  • Heavenly dog eating the sun – thats ridiculous! The cat queen of the rainbow would stop him.
  • Because there’s nothing evil spirits fear more than cowbells and burning Christmas trees.
  • People of Asia, This is your galactic overlord.
  • The huge surprise is it didn’t include cannibalism.
  • If I am elected, I will assassinate Ford – Jimmy Carter. … An exploding peanut, I believe, is what he would have used.
  • Right after 9/11, [Congress] would have agreed to anything – wiretapping, library records, inviting in a third branch for a little role play … they were very vulnerable.
  • Do you think there’s any chance that Pinetta cancelled Cheney’s assassination squads because he was afraid that Biden would get a hold of them?
  • I love Popes AND wrists. That’s why I never miss the Vatican’s annual Ultimate Frisbee tournament.
  • And if someone cuts the Popemobile off in traffic, how is he supposed to give him the Papal Blessing? [flips the bird]
  • I thought the pontiff would be aware of my campaign for wrist awareness. After all, we have only one degree of separation – our friend Jesus. He’s heaven’s Kevin Bacon. He’s Heaven Bacon.
  • Every Wrist is Precious
    Ignore Wrist Safety At Your Own Peril!
    I Am Spartacus!
  • And once we get to the Pope, just imagine who he will be able to give it to – John Voight!
  • Sir, you are the author of a book called “Free” and it costs $26.99. I love a bait-and-switch. Well done, my man, right up here. SUCKERS!
  • What’s Freemium? That sounds like a real made up word.
  • Am I free?
  • Everybody knows that I’m a straight shooting, tell it like it is guy who works hard every day and just enjoys the clean, crisp taste of Bud Light with Lime.

Click past the break to read “Free” for FREE!

FREE (full book) by Chris Anderson (Read in Fullscreen)


  1. I love Stephen’s tie tonight!

    I unfortunately work in a city where all the buildings are tall and close together that I wasn’t able to view the eclipse. :( My mom had a slightly better view from her office window and she said it lasted around five minutes. No burning Christmas trees here, from what I’ve heard. ;)

    I’ve never attended a Latin Mass, though my parents have when they were younger. Pretty interesting stories they told, how the priest had his back to the congregation and how the elaborate-ness of the Mass was really emphasized.

    Thanks for the book, DB! Will be sure to set aside time to read it. :)

  2. Ms Interpreted says:

    Eek, not much time to comment today, but I loved that “Papal Blessing” — hee! The monks singing “I am Spartacus” were also a hoot (gotta love those open fifth-heavy harmonies). Nice job with that whole WristSTRONG segment, actually. :)

  3. Michele B. says:

    Loved the whole Pope breaks his wrist segment! Especially the chanting. Both interviews were enjoyable as well.

    I have a confession to make. I don’t have a WristStrong bracelet. I have donated to the YRF though. I’m going to a taping soon so maybe I’ll get lucky and catch a bracelet this time.

    • ColbertGirl27 says:

      I don’t have a WristStrong bracelet either because the shipping and handling costs as much as the bracelet. I’m hoping to catch one at a taping like you. It would have more meaning that way…straight from Stephen!

  4. O'Reilly says:

    “No, I am Spartacus!” And to show my loyalty, I will join with you all and Stephen to make a line alongside the Appian Way (rather loose interpretation of the film, I admit).

    This part with the medieval monkish types singing the Latin Gregorian Chant and the “offering” placed under the monk’s knotted cord like dollars at a strip joint was just so funny. Perhaps I was only about the age of Master John (Colbert) when the vernacular or “language of the people” as stated by Pope Paul VI, was allowed to replace Latin at Masses; but priests, however, have always everywhere been permitted to celebrate Mass in Latin to this day.

    Anyway, there was so, so much else that was thoroughly delightful in this Popish segment: the Vatican Annual Ultimate Frisbee Tournament (Pope’s wrists exposed; feet in red Prada shoes); the “Bacon Number” of 1 between Stephen and Benedict XVI (Jesus being the 1 degree of separation or Heaven’s Bacon – Communion Bread); the Pope’s Papal Blessing for a driver cutting off the Pope Mobile (giving the finger – blurred – better effect than if actually shown); the Pope’s country retreat (a log cabin looking Papal palace); every picture of Benedict XVI’s broken wrist showing his hand with elaborate and expensive rings on each finger; the WristStrong wristband being passed from Benedict XVI ultimately to … John Voight (who played Pope John Paul II) – so, so waggishly done, as are all the treatments of religion on The Report. Wonderful.

    So before leaving, I encourage all to get out those old Latin books to help with this goodbye: Pax Colbertus Reportus vobiscum or as Red Green, the talented Canadian comic from the near past, would say, “Quando omni flunkus moritati!”

  5. SajiNoKami says:

    Watched this episode at 1pm.
    Will watch the 21st eps after writing this..
    [my cat ran away for 18 hours wednesday, too stressed for Stephen]

    ok i have a question: do the wrist strong bracelets run large?
    9+ inch diameter?

    first i agree, great tie.
    whole look was sharp, Stephen works lavender.

    -Heavenly dog eating the sun – thats ridiculous!
    -The cat queen of the rainbow would stop him.

    -Matthew Waxman

    -And if someone cuts the Popemobile off in traffic,
    -how is he supposed to give him the Papal Blessing? [flips the bird]
    got to see some of the flexibility that is Stephen’s hands.

    -I Am Spartacus!

    -What’s Freemium? That sounds like a real made up word.

    -Am I free?
    favorite line for some reason.

  6. I loved the WristStrong revisited segment. (Is it just me, or did Stephen’s hair look really big in those clips? Yikes…) As soon as I saw the news about the pope breaking his wrist last week, I thought “That man needs a WristStrong bracelet!” I loved the Gregorian chant, it’s my favorite form of church music. But that papal blessing… I don’t believe I’ve ever seen the pope actually use it. However, it does very closely resemble the traditional New Jersey greeting that drivers often give each other here.

  7. woah!!! neat you could embed the BOOK here!

    I voted for the wrist stuff because we haven’t really focused on the wrist since like Tom Brady had ankle trouble around the 2009 Super Bowl if I recall correctly. my wriststrong will always be remembered for being the first thing I ever bought online. :)

    • Tried reading the book on Scribd itself, but then got a message in huge bold letters saying only users located in the US can access it. :( So yay for embedding! :)

  8. I don’t know why it is, but I get such a kick out of Stephen being particularly naughty, i.e. flipping the bird, swearing, etc. Those are some of my favorite moments. But I also really loved it when Stephen slipped the dollar bill into the monk’s beads. A perfect finishing touch on that segment.

If you're new to our Zoner community, please read the No Fact Zone Comment Policy before commenting. Thank you!