Four Horsemen of the Apopcalypse – Pop culture references in The Colbert Report: July 13-16, 2009

Welcome to No Fact Zone’s weekly roundup of cultural references on The Colbert Report. From Darcy to Danger Mouse, String Theory to Shakespeare, we’ve got the keys to this week’s obscure, oddball, and occasionally obscene cultural shout-outs (hey!).

Hey Zoners! Back from break, and back to the Apopcalypse.  The first shows after a break  always seem extra fresh and funny, but this week had a standout winner for me: Stephen doing “Senator” Wences!!  So adorable, so funny!  I can’t tell you how much my brother and I used to annoy our parents through the incessant repetition of “s’awwright? s’awwright.” Go watch the original genius that is Señor Wences, as a guest on The Muppet Show , ok?  What about you?  Post your favorite bits in the comments!! (* = TCR/TDS link)

Monday:  Stephen’s Sound Advice – How to Bork a Nominee

“What’s it gonna be Sonia – the bench, or the bottle? And it will be a bottle, because you can’t breastfeed while Clarence Thomas is around.”

We featured US Supreme Court foibles and the origins of the term “bork” in a recent Apopcalypse (5/4 & 5/5), and today we’re back for another go round.  Hearings on Justice Clarence Thomas’ controversial nomination in 1991 initially focused on questions about his qualifications and ideology, but the process soon took a turn for the tabloid, with accusations of repeated sexual harassment by former colleague Anita Hill (and others).  With every detail revealed (Coke cans!), staid C-SPAN saw a lurid clash of the prurient and the political not repeated until the Clinton impeachment (Cigars!).

Tuesday: The Wørd – Guns, Credit, and Corn & Intro/Raise High the Rage Beams

“The Blue Dogs’ plan involves leading low income families to health care via a series of paw print clues.”

Blue’s Clues was a hit TV program for preschoolers, aired from 1996-2006, and groundbreaking in that the format and content of the show was based in scientific research on child cognitive development.  In each show, the host Steve (pictured) and the child audience solve puzzles by following paw print clues left by an animated dog named Blue.  Educational and low in annoyance-factors, the show gained wide popularity and acclaim for its high-quality and engaging content (for those interested, here’s a pretty interesting summary of the show’s research & development).

“I have some words for JD Salinger. And they were all written by my brother Buddy.”

Stephen’s been trying to get famous recluse JD Salinger on the show for years, by *lying, *ripping out pages from Salinger’s books, and now through the threat of offensive derivative works like Raise High the Rage Beams (from Raise High the Roof Beam), Franny and Zoloft (from Franny and Zooey), and my favorite, A Perfect Recipe for Banana-Fish (from “A Perfect Day for Bananafish”: Spoiler alert – it’s so delicious, you’ll blow your brains out).  Many of Salinger’s original works followed the fictional Glass family, with brother Buddy Glass (whom Salinger has said represents his alter-ego) as protagonist or narrator. I say it’s time to bring back Salinger Watch!

Wednesday:  Tip/Wag – Texas Board of Education & Douglas Rushkoff

“Finally, someone has the guts to say it: the fall of Saigon was Paul Lynde’s fault.”

Paul Lynde! Comedian and frequent character actor on TV in the 1960′s and 1970′s (including Bewitched, Penelope Pitstop and Charlotte’s Web!), Lynde was perhaps most noted for his appearances as the center square on the game show Hollywood Squares -  rife with racy comments (e.g. “Why do sheep sleep huddled up?” Paul Lynde: “Because Little Boy Blue’s a weirdo!”) and thinly veiled references to homosexuality. So funny!

“The world is so full of a number of things, that I’m sure we should all be as happy as kings.”

I wish I had Stephen’s ability to pull literary quotes out of the air, with such ease and accuracy.  He’s like a walking Bartleby’s Quotations.  This one’s from Robert Louis Stevenson, author of Treasure Island and other works.  And in case you were wondering, someone took Stephen up on his naptime money making venture watchmenap.com.  Anyone up for *colbertkilledapanda.com?

Thursday: Intro

“My guest Ed Andrews has written about his own struggles with debt.  If he really wants to get out of debt, he should write about teen vampires.”

Teen vampires haven’t been so hot since The Lost Boys and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  The Twilight Saga, a series of young adult novels (like Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles Lite?) by Stephenie Meyer, tells the story of teenager Bella, who moves to a new town and falls in love with the local hot-guy-who-also-happens-to-be-a-vampire.  Mystery and romance follow, as have box-office gold film adaptations.

“The Sears Tower is now called the Willis Tower. Man, Bruce Willis is loaded.”

Regional culture & tradition take another hit from the economic downturn and ubiquitous corporate naming rights.  Chicago’s most famous landmark, the Sears Tower, was for 25 years the world’s tallest building (and only recently lost the title due to a ridiculous technicality, but don’t get me started).  As part of a 2009 lease, a London-based insurance brokerage purchased the naming rights to the building, which is now known, at least officially, as the Willis Tower.  For now, Chicagoans are sticking to the original name, and they may win out in the end.  After all, Willis Group’s naming rights expire in 2025 (and through 25 years and two supposed name changes, the third tallest building in the city is still known to residents as the Standard Oil Building).