Episode 5088 (6/29/2009)
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EPISODE NUMBER: 5088 (June 29, 2009)
GUEST: Jeff Goldblum, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Cheap Trick
SEGMENTS: The WØRD: Noncensus, Jeff Goldblum is dead at the age of 56
VIDEOS: Monday, June 29, 2009
I know it’s not Fangirl Suit Report time, but man, how lovely was that black pinstripe suit? But you know, this is the first show I can remember in a very long time where Stephen was not wearing his WristSTRONG bracelet. I’m sure a lucky fan had it on, though. I absolutely loved the committing of unspeakable acts of personal depravity. How cute was that puppy? And was he in fact cuter than Stephen? And we can never get enough of Sweetness, that’s for sure.
I was beyond amused at the addressing of the Jeff Goldblum death rumors, and the clip from Australia was unbelievable. Poor Jeff, being dead and all. And I loved how Stephen nailed Neil.
So many recurring themes tonight, it was truly a Comfort Food show. It was the roast beef with potatoes and chocolate cake of ‘Colbert Reports’. What did you all love the most from the show tonight?
- Certainly I’ll always remember where I was the first 20 times I heard the news.
- We’ll always have good memories of the performer, proving your memories stop around 1989.
- Mahmoud A-mamase-mamasa-mamacujad. [Recycling of my very favorite Mahmoud joke EVER]
- In this time of sorrow … I want ot thank you for diverting attention from me kidnapping nine British Embassy workers.
- Clearly South Carolina governor Mark Sanford’s mistake was not cheating on his wife, it was admitting it one day too soon.
- DON’T YOU DARE BE CUTER THAN ME!!!
- The Census: Count Up To Destruction
- If one place has more residents, it gains a seat at the expense at a place that lost people. [Looking At You, Gosselin House]
- An easy mistake, some of them were double-white.
- Good luck trying to conduct a census with out a director. Also good luck trying to keep an accurate count while I’m doing this – 5, 79, 3, 6, 8, 20, Pi, blblblbbl!!
- [ACORN Is from China?]
- Face it, Dems! You face that the way that Republicans faced Dick Cheney hired his old employer Halliburton in Iraq. That was just a war. This is a census – it’s important! [Unlike War, It's Constitutional]
- 7734 – HELL!
- I’ve got some more sad news, Nation, I was on the Twitter this weekend, And I saw the tweetning of the most tragic thing I ever entwattered.
- Do you mind, Jeff Goldblum, I’m reporting on the death of Jeff Goldblum.
- Ladies and gentleman I have huge news! The dead can twitter.
- Good bloke, very good bloke.
- Stephen, I owe you an apology.
- One former conquest raved that sleeping with Jeff Goldblum was like “being caught in a fleshstorm with a 90% chance of satisfaction.” That’s verbatim.
- Goldblum out, Goldblum oooooooout!
- Are you saying there’s no science in medicine. I nailed you, this is the science of nailing.
- You know who the last person to do that was? God.
- Oh hi! Put your pants on.
- In memorium: Jeff Goldblum 1952-2009
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35 Comments
June 30th, 2009 at 7:48 am
I can’t vote on this episode unless I can vote for all of the segments. 7734! – I knew as soon as Stephen whipped out the calculator. The Word was excellent. I was hoping Jeff would be on the show again after reading about his non-death in between all the MJ coverage, and I loved the self-eulogy. Neil – Stephen nailed him a semi-automatic nailer gun!
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June 30th, 2009 at 8:00 am
I didn’t even watch the whole show (thank you, free online episodes at Colbert Nation!), but I have to comment on how glad I was that Jeff Goldblum didn’t die. xD His face (and Stephen’s, for that matter) throughout news of his “death” was priceless.
PS: Adorable dog + Sweetness + wig = OMG??? too cute. In a really, really, really bizarre way.
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June 30th, 2009 at 8:48 am
It was such a tough choice for me but I voted for the passing of Michael Jackson coverage simply because I went on a huge rant to one of my friends on Saturday about how coverage of his death had taken over EVERYTHING in the news while there were still very important and newsworthy events happening elsewhere in the world. Seeing Stephen poke fun at the media frenzy was very satisfying for me. I hadn’t even heard any of the Goldblum death rumors but that segment was hilarious! Great Word and great interview with Neil deGrasse Tyson as well. I love it when he’s on the show! And with Dr. Oliver Sacks on TDS I had a total nerdgasm from 11pm to 12am. :-)
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June 30th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Was your brain painted orange?
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June 30th, 2009 at 11:46 am
You bet! ;-)
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July 1st, 2009 at 10:07 am
Did you see what The Daily Show did to mock the death coverage? It’s hi-lar-ious!
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=232234&title=The-Rippy-Awards-for-Outstanding-Achievement-in-Obitutainment
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July 2nd, 2009 at 5:00 pm
I did see it! And I loved it! LOL!
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June 30th, 2009 at 9:31 am
This was an all around awesome show. Full of returning guests, and particularly memorable ones. I voted for Jeff Golblum’s passing simply because I’m so glad that of all places, the Colbert Report addressed that weird issue. I hope we see plenty of Goldblum in the future. He does so well on the show and his heartfelt speeches are priceless. “No one will miss Jeff Golblum more than me. Not only was he a friend and a mentor…but he was also me…When Jeff Goldlbum passed, a little bit of all of us died. I will be missed.”
Neil DeGrasse Tyson is still way cool. He’s particularly cool in my “Report” memory, because his first appearance took place on one of the first episodes I ever saw (when they were discussing Pluto being excluded as a planet). I was saying last night that he seems like he’s the next Bill Ny the Science Guy. Bill was my hero when I was a little kid and his show was fascinating to me because he could put things so simply and help even a kid to understand them in a fun way, and I see that a lot in Tyson’s show.
And Cheap Trick. Still so cool to remember that they wrote the theme. I so want Rick’s guitar, but it would be better if it had five necks.
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June 30th, 2009 at 9:40 am
This was an episode where it was really difficult to vote, but I had to go with the Word. But, everything else was so, so good.
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June 30th, 2009 at 11:14 am
The multiple nailings in THE WORD were so outstanding I had to vote for it despite all the other excellent segments. Kudos to Stephen for putting the Jacko hysteria in perspective.
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June 30th, 2009 at 11:24 am
I really appreciated Stephen’s critique of the media frenzy surrounding Michael Jackson. I began to think I was the only one perplexed by all the attention received by his death. I realize that he was a a talented man and had a tragic life, but I can’t understand why so much air time was devoted to him when so many more important issues are going on across the world. He’s not really someone I admired per say. Thank you for nailing this Stephen!
However, I had to vote for the Jeff Goldblum segment just because it was so ridiculous. Stephen and Jeff both have their own brand of oddball humor so it’s really a trip when you see them together!
Also nice to Neil visiting again!
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June 30th, 2009 at 11:53 am
The thing you’ve got to remember about Michael Jackson is 1) although you may have not admired him – millions more did, 2) he produced the biggest selling album in history – an album which provided the soundtrack to the lives of millions of Americans (myself included) and influenced recording artists for 30 years after its release, and 3) we are a celebrity obsessed culture which Jackson helped create. Besides, not every news source is carrying this story so prominently now. All I have to say is thank God I don’t have cable TV. If I did I would have been sick of hearing about it myself and I was a fan until around 1989. Which, coindentially, is when Stephen said the good memories of Jackson ended. He got that one right for sure!
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June 30th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I suppose I’m not surprised by the media attention. I understand how innovative he was and the impact he had on the music business. However, why 1989?
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June 30th, 2009 at 11:49 am
I wish I could vote for everything! But I voted for the Michael Jackson segment since I just couldn’t believe how every time turned the TV to CNN– in the afternoon and in the middle of the night– they were still talking about him.
I thought that Goldblum might show up again to prove the reports of his death were greatly exaggerated, and I’m glad I was right.
Also, I want a puppy.
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June 30th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Connections . . .
Connections on PBS first aired somewhere around 1979 in the USA. It was a ten-episode documentary television series created and narrated by Northern Irish, science historian James Burke which demonstrated how various thoughts or events or discoveries or scientific achievements built off one another in an interconnected way. Connections was well-known for its smooth narration, dry humor, historical reenactments, scientific working models and its use of what most people refer to as “classical music” (which, to be honest, I actually like up to about 1860 only ).
How I loved watching Connections during my noble youth. This, however, I confess, makes it even more obvious how much closer I am to Stephen’s age than most or all of you (so hard for me to say). It was Stephen’s “Cheap Trick 8-track“ which started my “connecting” for a good ten minutes in my mind after the show.
Stephen is always so delightfully sparkly, bubbly, and impish. Since 8-tracks are not ancient artifacts to me, it always does me good to look at Stephen for these bouncy qualities and inspiration (and for various other reasons, what can I say). I believe that most people who know me think I’m rather bouncy and perky and gigantesquely youthful too. I’m 5’2 1/2” and slight (like to throw in the 1/2” for added status) which also helps me look more like a kid (although faintly wrinkled on the edges).
It’s just harder on women: society out there seems to expect us always to have smooth, flawless skin without a wrinkle. To be honest, I really don’t think people look their ages anymore. For instance, Stephen doesn’t look as though he’s even left his 30’s, if you ask me. Of course, I would say I don’t look it either. Maybe I’m not the person to ask.
(So sorry, must conduct an “interview” between Norton and his handler and my Sadie for a time)
To Be Continued…
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June 30th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I very much appreciate your thoughts on things. However, I’d like to gently suggest to you that we do our best to not get too off-topic in our comments for the Episode Guides.
We have our Weekend Brunch forums where we can talk about anything and everything. I really think you’ll enjoy participating in those!
Thanks for your understanding and your commitment to keeping this blog a shiny, happy place to celebrate all things Stephen! :)
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June 30th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Greetings, DB!
Sorry, but I didn’t get the chance to finish my entry which would have made you aware of the structure and framework of the piece. I do wish to say that I was in the process of establishing a theme that runs throughout – the retro idea with “connections” to the past which cuts back to the episode repeatedly.
I know even the Colbert Report writers working on a show do try to forge a thematic type of approach, if possible. The thematic tie in tends to make reading something or watching something far more interesting and brings a circular closure to a piece. As you are quite aware, most bloggers usually take pride in their blog posts, even if their blog is never read by anyone but them. Blogs often become more than a way to just communicate; they become a way to reflect on works of art – in this case, The Colbert Report and Stephen’s work. Because this is a blog and not a formal article, giving hooks and examples of a personal nature to illustrate points keeps readers interested.
However, I must realize that I’m only commenting and not actually being asked to blog anything. I’m very happy to say, I’m glad to see I have a couple readers who seem to include you, DB. I’m sorry to say that I’m a rhetoric and creative writing academic (mainly) and this sometimes truly works against me in everyday situations – too much attention to detail, too much accuracy for honesty’s sake – yep, a bit eccentric but likeable. I will try to “deaccessorize” as much as possible. Take care, DB.
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June 30th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I loved Stephen’s 8-track bit at the end of the show. I remember we had an 8-track player in our car when I was really little. Loved those!
Besides doing the theme music for the show, didn’t Cheap Trick do the song “I Want You to Want Me” which Stephen often plays right before the taping of the show?
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June 30th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Yep, it is.
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June 30th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Yesterday’s episode was so great! The puppy thing really made me laugh. So stupid and random. And that entire bit about Jeff Goldblum was perfect. I loved his exit.
Cheap Trick’s appearance was great too! Rick’s guitar looked so awesome with that print of Truthiness and Stephen on it. ^_^
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July 1st, 2009 at 10:10 am
That guitar with “Truthiness” on it rocked majorly hard!
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June 30th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
(Part Next)
Anyway, what really struck me was how much of this Report episode meant “connections”- so retro for me, ancient history for some of you. Cheap Trick, for instance, was one example. They began around the mid 70’s, I would guess. “I Want You to Want Me,” “Surrender,” and “The Flame” have always been favorites for me.
It also was enjoyable to see Neil Degrasse Tyson as a guest on The Colbert Report, but it’s the show Nova which forced me to start connecting. Nova began around 1974 in Chicago on PBS for me in my gentle youth.
Nova has become a family affair with us which has evolved from that earlier time in my life. We are a very education oriented teaching family and have always limited TV and computer time strictly to 1 1/2 hours or fewer per day. This extra available time has promoted reading interest, creativity, and outdoor activity; however, we have never included Nova as part of that limited TV and computer time framework.
Encouraging the watching of the program with us by allowing extra TV time has turned out to be very beneficial: the response to the program has always been good, just as Stephen mentioned concerning his kids.
(So, so sorry – a last “interview,” this time for Buffy, another new dog, and her handler [it’s my fun thing to do on the side, and I do charge - I’m nice, but not that nice])
To Be Continued…
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June 30th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
On behalf of Australians everywhere I’d just like to put it out there that Richard Wilkins is not only a major douche but also a Kiwi (New Zealand born) and we the Australian people are in no way responsible for the complete load of crap that comes out of his mouth on a regular basis.
Oh yeah and Channel 9 your still the one behind Channel 7 in the ratings … if only we could figure out why???
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June 30th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Did you just rip on the Kiwis?? Poor Kiwis. ;D
I’m curious as to why its called an 8-track when you can only riffle through 4 different songs at a time. And I’m guessing that the 8-track did not survive more than a few years during the 70s.
Love the ‘Goldblum out!’
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June 30th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
I thought Jeff Goldblum returning was excellent! I didn’t know who he was at the beginning of all this, as I don’t claim to be cool enough to be a nerd/geek, but now I’m impressed! obviously when I saw the fiasco on Twitter this weekend I was all amused how he had been on TCR recently (by that time I knew he was actually alive and well.) him memorializing himself reminded me of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer (both of them?) attending their own funeral.
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June 30th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
(Part Last)
Although Jeff Goldblum as “the in the flesh version” of Twain’s famous reply, “The reports of my death have been highly exaggerated,” was very, very funny, my vote goes to the Michael Jackson segment for it’s humorous criticism of America’s inability to prioritize or respond correctly to complex emotional or aesthetic situations (in this case, the Jackson continued story) in accordance with reason or logic.
The “tragic events” mentioned by Stephen that lost all meaning and media coverage were mockingly witty (do believe there were three). The Sanford quip about announcing the affair too early by one day was really funny and probably sadly true; however, the cap or crowning absurdity of the situation for this segment was Stephen’s blond wigged and mustached self, pointing Sweetness at the cute pooch, in the process of committing an unspeakable act of personal depravity. Really hilarious.
The double edge of sensitive topic and witty comment on public reaction made this segment hard for the writers to write and hard for Stephen to deliver – so deftly handled by him, however. Bravo on this one to all.
P.S. This has nothing whatsoever to do with your comments, DB, seriously: I definitely will have time to catchThe Report in the next two days, but I most probably will have absolutely no time to write (just wanted to mention this so you didn’t think I was acting like a common idiot) – there is some necessary preparation for a local agility trial for novice dogs and handlers which involves a couple of my doggie clients – a welcomed break and you didn’t even know it!
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June 30th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
I couldn’t choose a favorite part of the show–it was excellent in its entirety! I did like Jeff in the audience at the end and his reaction to the “In Memoriam” dates that flashed across the screen. Too cute! Wonderful sense of humor.
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June 30th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I can’t help but laugh out loud for the Jeff Goldblum segment…but then again, I can’t help but having conspiracy theory that Goldblum (and Colbert too) might have coordinated on the rumors for a segment?!
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June 30th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Welcome to the blog, gouchai! I hope you’ll stick around a while – I like the way you think. :)
To be quite honest, the thought did cross my mind, that the whole death rumor was a setup. While I doubt it’s true, isn’t it a great conspiracy theory?! Excellent call!
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July 3rd, 2009 at 5:18 pm
thanks. we probably should keep an eye out for any colbert bump for Goldblum’s criminal intent show. I haven’t seen it in the top 15 cable shows in nielsen’s recently. jon and kate + 8 is just too strong!
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June 30th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
What breed was that little dog? That was the best puppy on TV last night.
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June 30th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Stephen + puppies = CUTENESS
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June 30th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Speaking as probably one of the few Kiwis that love SC (and know who he is), when a friend asked me if I heard the rumour about JG’s death, I said it possibly couldn’t be real as he’d just been on TCR, and no-one can fly to NZ that fast. This death rumour went around down here a few months ago actually, so all very odd. I love SC and JG working together, they’re great and complement each other prefectly.
I’m new to the awesomeness of SC -so much good stuff to catch up on, so much good stuff happening each episode.
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July 1st, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Stephen’s tweet on the census –
StephenAtHome: why does the census ignore america’s vampires? join me in my chant for justice: count dracula! count dracula!
Does this mean he’s a True Blood fan? I think so! *multi fandom head explodes*
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July 1st, 2009 at 11:32 pm
I had to vote for the Jeff segment:
*Great* Jeff Goldblum appearance or *Greatest* Jeff Goldblum appearance?
I vote for the latter – so far. He and Stephen are having such a great time with their comic chemistry and what an occasion for it. I had thought he wouldn’t be able to make it as he was supposed to be in Hollywood so imagine my delight! “The dead can twitter!” – my favorite line in ages and Stephen delivered it so perfectly. And Jeff could not have reacted to his “death” any better. Loved it!
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