EPISODE NUMBER: 5083 (June 18, 2009)
GUESTS: Jeff Goldblum, Paul Muldoon
SEGMENTS: Murder in the White House, Threatdown, Stephen Colbert’s bears and Balls
VIDEOS: Thursday, June 18, 2009
First, before we begin, can any of our UK readers confirm that the ColbertNation.com videos work again? Here’s hoping that we have some happy news for our British friends across the pond.
I’m curious if PETA will get all over Stephen for having a jar filled with mostly dead flies. Can I be brutally honest with you Zoners? Um, what’s going on with Jeff Goldblum’s hair? He knew he was going to be on TV, right? Great “get” for the show, though, so very topical for the subject at hand and a fantastic pop culture reference to boot. The Threatdown was so amusing. You’d think that Stephen would have all the ice cream he wants, even ice cream with his face on it! Oh, that Gay Zebra was beautiful, though. It really made me crave Fruit Stripe gum. Have you all been to DonaldCrosbyBoobsBoobsBoobs.com yet? It’s a hoot. And I love how Stephen just went on and on about Donald Crosby. He’s so cute when he pouts.
Is it so wrong to get excited whenever the big red button says “Bees”? The button always comes up with the biggest laughs of the sketch, and it didn’t disappoint tonight. I have to admit, “Booze-soaked chocolate covered meth cigarettes” sounds quite intriguing. Stephen’s little dance with the ex-X Box was definitely a 10 on the SillyMeter. It was a fantastically funny and solid segment all the way through. We even got a nice little character break in there.
Good God, Paul Muldoon’s voice is so very soothing. Between the accent and the soft tone, I just wanted to spoon with his voice. And Stephen Colbert reading poetry is love.
That show made me so happy. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.
- Bravo, PETA. How can the President dismiss these creature’s natural curiosity? They always want to know what’s going on inside a rat carcass.
- All they want to do is to love, and to feed on our waste.
- Which brings me to Threat #4, Bermuda, and Palau – they’re harboring terrorists!
- They’re a relaxis of evil.
- These eager Uighurs are a threat to my vacation enjoyment. There’s no way I can have as much fun as somebody who’s been unfairly imprisoned for seven years.
- Look at me, they’ll say, now I’m boarding the water!
- That either means dolphins are gay, or they’ve invented summer camp.
- This animal be-gay-vior will not stand!
- The next time you feel that urge, hump a scuba diver like Jesus intended.
- Which brings us to Threat #1: Donald H. Crosby!
- DonaldCrosbyBoobsBoobsBoobs.com
- I wanted the theme to be Donald H. Crosby. By the way, that message is also shaved into my hair, and now I’m not going to show you where.
- Now Big Chief Smokes-a-lot here says he’s going to sign the bill.
- That’s why you should warn your kids that making their bed will get them high.
- Booze-soaked chocolate covered meth cigarettes
- So at last, any child with a skateboard and the skill to ride a skateboard no longer has to ride a skateboard.
- I’m sorry, my button has crashed.
- The ex-X box, as in, there was a box but not anymore. There’s no controller, no system, and no screen.
- I can’t believe it’s only $500.
- You don’t have to paint, because your walls are always getting a fresh coat of blood.
- And the hipsters will jump at the chance to live there ironically.
- Why do we need poetry, sir, we’ve got greeting cards?
I voted for Bears and Balls. That’s one of my favorite segments. And I love the ending he had to that segment! Today was a great episode. The Fly incident, the Threatdown (and the character break that he had), and the reading of that poem. He makes the poem seem so dramatic.
“We’ll be right bees!” LOL.
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I agree that this was another great show after the very funny one last night! I just loved it when Jeff Goldblum suddenly appeared, he had the audience going wild with the “fly” riff and he and Stephen were having such a great time. I am enjoying Jeff on Law and Order Criminal Intent and it was great to see him show up on TCR.
So much went on this show that I just remembered about Stephen reading the poetry at the end. You’re right, DB, just lovely.
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I am londoner from the Colbert Nation thread and I can confirm that in the UK not only can we see the videos but we can see the full episodes as well. I really hope it’s not just a temporary oversight and it’s forever and ever!
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Ha ha! That’s great that our Colbert friends in the UK can watch! Thanks for calming us down with your news! ^_^
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I can see the clips (hurrah!) but not the full episodes. I’m still seeing his stern face and the instruction to watch FXUK. Pah!
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Fun episode again and nice send off for the weekend.
My Quick commentary tonight with a fairly early morning tomorrow . . . enjoyed the revisiting of the “Murder in the White House” segment from yesterday through the addition of the newly born (hatched?) grandchildren flies. The PETA complaint, which I read about this morning in the Chicago Tribune, provided a nice link, making the topic from yesterday an amusing continuing news story.
The Uighurs, the be-gay-vior of animals, Donald H. Crosby, the cigarette companies and Big Chief Smokes-a-lot (funny especially to an ex smoker of 4 years), and the $500 ex-X box were all worth lots of smiles.
Especially, however, I liked Paul Muldoon (seemingly with a wee bit of an Irish lilt – Northern Irish, I believe) as a kind of quirky guest, the sort of typically eccentric prof poet, even a poet’s poet, I might think, a little obscure and somewhat difficult to understand. Muldoon did seem to have, however, a bit of an understated or subtle wit (the “squid” – the only food in the house, was it?), part of the poem he read with Stephen (Stephen was delightful here). The poem’s title was “Tea,” if I remember correctly.
I was not exactly moved to think Muldoon the next Eliot or Frost (another favorite of mine), but the whole interview made me smile and was quite enjoyable, as Stephen’s interviews always are due to Stephen’s excellently developed improv talent – he really is so witty and quick, so bright.
Enough said, time to go. So much for quick commentary – oh well, goodnight, everyone, sleep well and have a good weekend.
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I think you are right about Paul Muldoon’s accent – sounded like Northern Irish to me. He did have a lovely, soothing voice.
I think I love the red button in the “Bears and Balls” segments almost as much as I love Sweetness. And really, how cute was that character break? Nothing makes me want to laugh more than seeing Stephen laugh.
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Yes! You are right, Ann G., the Red Button should also be up for a Tubey Award over at Television Without Pity. After all, Sweetness has been nominated for an award in the category Best Performance by an Inanimate Object. I think you should protest :-D
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I definitely am a fan of Jeff Goldblum, and even though I never saw the actual movie, I loved the reference!! Plus, did anyone notice how he almost couldn’t make it through his little speech? the dramatic music might’ve been too much. xD
I DEFINITELY boooo’d and awwww’d along with the audience during the Donald H. Crosby bit. I know this is completely biased coming from a Colbert Nation member, but WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?? Goodness.
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I was boo-ing on my living room couch too. That guy was so not an It-Getter. His loss, though.
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As I recall, Donald H. Crosby said “Who the hell is Stephen Colbert?” If he doesn’t know, he has no right to pass judgment:)
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I loved the ex-Xbox dancing/playing/hopping around like a goofball. Haha!
The Donald H. Crosby part was really funny too, along with the murder in the White House bit.
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I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who suddenly craved Fruit Stripe Gum when the rainbow zebra graphic came up. Or the only one who wondered what was going on with Jeff Goldblum’s hair. It looked like they’d just woke him up from a nap! Still, that was a funny bit. I voted for the Threatdown because it made me laugh the most, especially the whole Donald H. Crosby bit. Bears and Balls came in a very close second. I need to watch the interview again. I was so mesmerized by Paul Muldoon’s voice I didn’t pay any attention to what he was actually saying.
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Had to vote for the Bears and Balls segment–it almost always induces a character break, which I love. Though I am not very good at most videogames, I would welcome the opportunity to play the ex-X-box with Stephen!
Does anyone have a complete list of the phrases “spoken” by the button, perhaps at Colbert U? I imagine it would be quite interesting, diverse, and hilarious. My personal favorite, besides “bees” is “Eat your pets!”
Enjoy the weekend everybody!
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I can also watch full episodes online again! Yay!!
Windows sounds!! :) Reminded me of TDS playing with the interview with Bill Gates :)
Interview was quite enjoyable. Episode was fun in so many different ways and levels. Great, strangely healing way to end my week of bad luck and annoying work colleagues. :)
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I think I love “Bears and Balls” segments almost as much as “Cheating Death”. I just love it when The Button comes out with absolutely random sounds (esp. when it chimes in with “Bees!” for no apparent reason) which make Stephen laugh. And his silly dancing to the invisible Xbox was hilarious.
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It also works again in Denmark. Yay!
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I agree Lisa, Bears and Balls are right up there with Cheating Death! BEES! the dancing was excellent as well, I was giggling (just a little, people were sleeping) the whole time! generally great!
I liked the too interview. poetry is cool!!!
and the Newsweek letter-writer, very funny! fanboy behavior ftw! haha.
I also feel like the dumbest person ever for having no idea who Jeff Goldblum was. everyone in the studio seemed excited in a “we know this guy” way, but I was totally confused. ever seen him or heard of him before, which is fortunate because that means I didn’t just forget about him or something, I just never had the chance to know. I wonder how many should-knows are lurking out there beyond my perception…
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One of these days, I’ll get around to seeing “The Fly.” I did enjoy Jeff’s own character break, & the Fly reference. I voted for Bears & Balls, though – any character break tends to put that segment at the top of my favorites list. I love it when Stephen giggles. Other faves: Eager Uigurs, Big Chief Smokes-a-Lot, the Ex-X-Box dance (& The Emperor’s New Clothes reference), & the skateboard comment.
I enjoyed listening to Paul Muldoon speak, & especially listening to Stephen & Paul partner-read the poem. Personally, I would have had trouble saying the squid ink lines without giggling.
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I think Stephen wanted Paul Muldoon to say that last line of the poem with him (something like “to drink it in”), but he caught on too late. Oh well. Still loved his calming, languid voice!
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Loved bears and balls. Funny thing my computer is a lot like that button lol
reCAPTCHA KIDDER 11/2
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Here’s a copy of the poem, courtesy of golempoem, blog of Matthew Salomon (http://matthewsalomon.wordpress.com/2009/06/20/paul-muldoon-tea/):
TEA
I was rooting through tea-chest after tea-chest
as they drifted in along Key West
when I chanced on ‘Pythagoras in America’:
the book had fallen open at a book-mark
of tea; a tassel
of black watered silk from a Missal;
of a tea-bird’s black tail-feather.
All I have in the house is some left-over
squid cooked in its own ink
and this unfortunate cup of tea. Take it. Drink.
–Paul Muldoon
And what do you know, it’s his birthday today (Saturday)! Happy Birthday, Prof. Muldoon!
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