Four Horsemen of the Apopcalypse – Pop culture references in The Colbert Report: June 1-4, 2009

Welcome to No Fact Zone’s weekly roundup of cultural references on The Colbert Report. From Darcy to Danger Mouse, String Theory to Shakespeare, we’ve got the keys to this week’s obscure, oddball, and occasionally obscene cultural shout-outs (hey!).

Hey Zoners!  Last week before the big Iraq trip, when we can expect plenty of military shout outs. For all you fans whose knowledge of the ins and outs of military life exceeds my own (and that would be just about everyone) – I’d love it if you would explain next week’s references in the Episode Guides (or tweet them to @wrens).  I’ll add them to the ones I catch in next week’s Apopcalypse.  As for this week, all I’ll say is hit pause, and dance for me.  Smokin’ hot!

Monday: Sonia Sotomayor’s Nomination & Supreme Court Press

“She’s a Puerto Rican, grew up in New York City’s projects in the 1950′s, and that can mean only one thing – she’s a Shark. And you know Scalia’s a Jet.”

Judge Sotomayor surely knows life can be bright in America.  An award winning Broadway musical (1957) and film (1961), West Side Story is as urban retelling of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, set in 1950′s New York City. In the story, Tony & Maria fall in love despite their ties to rival neighborhood gangs – the Puerto Rican Sharks and white American Jets.  Absolutely classic songs and choreography (e.g. the opening scene). Another classic? The West Side Story Daily/Colbert Toss!

I never noticed it before, but former Massachusetts Governor and presidential candidate Mitt Romney kind of does look like Sesame Street puppet game show host Guy Smiley. Must be the hair.

Tuesday:  Cheating Death & Jim Moran vs. Viagra

“I have an honorary doctorate in Fine Arts, which is why when I’m in the operating theater, I always pause mid surgery to do a scene from A Raisin in the Sun.”

Set in Chicago’s South Side in the 1950′s, A Raisin in the Sun follows the Younger family as they confront issues of racial segregation and integration, while trying to make a better life for themselves.  The play premiered in 1959, and was the first Broadway production by a black playwright and director (followed by the 1961 film starring the original cast, including Sidney Poitier). It takes its title from Langston Hughes’ poem “Harlem”. And who can forget Flatpoint High’s production, including an all white cast starring Jerri Blank as Mama, and Chuck Noblet’s moving rendition of “Harlem” during the closing dance sequence. I think we all learned an important lesson there!

“I know what you’re thinking folks, but, no, scientists have not found a cure for prolonged Stedman… Personally, I dispute her prescription that you can cure any psychological problem through the use of a douche [Pictured, Dr. Phil McGraw]“

Poor Oprah, she seems to be on Stephen’s bad side today, along with her longtime will-they-or-won’t-they-marry companion Stedman Graham, and frequent TV guest and self-aggrandizing self-help guru Dr. Phil. Still, Stephen would love to be on her show: Everybody gets a box of Formula 401!!

In the Viagra segment, that cheery break-in commercial was none other than Smiling Bob promoting the benefits of Enzyte for “male enhancement”.  Unfortunately, Smiling Bob’s been wearing a frown since Enzyte’s makers were ordered to pay $2.5 million for engaging in false advertising and unfair business practices.

Wednesday: Intro, Death Star, Tip/Wag, Closing

“My guest Eric Schlosser has made a documentary about where our fast food comes from. Turns out most burgers are 30% Grimace.”

Burgers made out of a giant purple creature (what is he anyway??) from old McDonald’s ads? Honestly, it can’t be all that much worse than what’s in them already. Though I might nominate Barney for consumption instead – he’d be unpleasantly sweet, but the world would be better for his absence.

“Nation, it’s official, we have a Death Star. That means it’s only a matter of time before I develop Vader’s telekinetic choking abilities. I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

Rock on, Star Wars fans, Stephen shows his geek stripes! In one of the classic scenes from Episode IV: A New Hope, Darth Vader uses his considerable powers of persuasion (read: remote Jedi choking ability) to quell his critics. One of the best all-purpose geek quotes, useful for just about any situation.  Also see the hilarious  Family Guy parody of this scene, with Stewie as a tiny Lord Vader, and the architectural  & aesthetic choices that ultimately led to the Death Star’s destruction.

“Have you forgotten what happened the last time we invited Iranians to our embassy?”

If you were in the U.S. in 1979, you’ll recognize those images.  A central part of the tangled history of U.S.-Iranian relations, the Iran hostage crisis began on November 4, 1979, when student revolutionaries broke into the U.S. embassy in Tehran, and took 66 Americans hostage.   A diplomatic crisis ensued, with the failure of negotiations and a disastrous rescue attempt.  Yellow ribbons adorned houses and trees across the country in honor of the hostages; I remember the streets of my grandparents’ small town aglow during a Christmas night candlelight vigil. Thirteen captives were released in mid-November, and one in July.  The remaining 52 hostages were not released until January 21, 1981 – after 444 days in captivity.

“This is the way the show ends. This is the way the show ends. This is the way the show ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper. See? You did use your English degree.”

A man after my own heart, Stephen once again shows T.S. Eliot some love. See our recent Apopcalypse feature on T.S. Eliot (Tuesday May 19, Walter Kirn), and Ms. Interpreted’s excellent post “Warrior Poet Stephen Colbert brings poetry to the masses”.  Bring on the poetry!

Thursday:  Wikipedia Bans Scientologists

“Nation, I have always been a huge fan of the Wikipedia. And if you don’t believe me, check out my Wikipedia page. Also, I was the original bass player for the Grateful Dead.”

Stephen is well known for inciting others to creatively edit Wikipedia entries on his behalf.  From tripling African elephant populations to crowning US President Warren “Gangsta” Harding, Stephen’s on-air assertions are frequently followed by vandalism to the cited pages.  Surprisingly enough, it took until 8:23pm Friday for the above statements to make it onto Stephen’s Wikipedia page (screencap). Unsurprisingly, the changes lasted only two minutes before the page was reverted to the prior version (a demonstration of the robustness of the approach, as Jimmy Wales discussed in his interview). And in case you’re wondering, the Report writers did not have to make up those names from the Wikipedia arbitration committee – they’re all real!