EPISODE NUMBER: 5052 (April 20, 2009)
GUEST: Ken Quinn, Sheriff Joe Arpaio
SEGMENTS: Pirates, Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger
VIDEOS: Monday, April 20, 2009
Did everyone notice there’s a new intro phrase on the show? And does anyone want to take a gander as to what “Purple-Mounted” means? I love shows when Stephen Colbert is so giddy about life that he can barely contain his joy. I loved the picture of his little boat, but I liked the one he talked about on Letterman better.
Listening to Stephen talk about Texas reminded me of a joke I heard once. How can you tell a person is from Texas? They’ll tell you. I assume that’s a joke, anyway – being from Texas, my initial response to the statement is, “And?” That being said, as a born-and-bred lifelong Texan, I would like to apologize for our idiot of a governor and let you know that I voted for Kinky Friedman. Also, as a recently unemployed Texan, and as a friend of many who have been recently laid off, I want to slap rick Perry across the face for not wanting to accept the stimulus money. If nothing else, I wish that they would have taken a few thousand to put in the Texas Workforce Commission offices to answer the phones – it’s virtually impossible to get to a live person. And when you’re upset about being laid off and stressed about money, the last thing you want to do is to struggle for hours to get through to a live person in the unemployment office. Okay, done with my soapbox rant now. Back to the funny!
I love the subtle nailings that Stephen gave Sheriff Joe Arpaio about racial profiling and illegal immigration. I thought Arpaio rolled with the criticism rather well. Apparently Arpaio’s views are a bit controversial, so it should be interesting to see what the media’s reaction is to the interview. Also, according to Vigwig, one of the completists from over at our sister site, Colbert University, there really were lots of loud and rowdy protesters outside of the ‘Colbert Report’ studios last night.
So what was your favorite part of the show?
- New intro line – Purple-Mounted
- And that has opened the mouthgates of American pundits, especially on this week’s This Week with George Stephanopolous this week.
- Wait wait wait wait …
- Oh my God, that was the Grassy Knoll!
- But now they’re terrorizing us with more than just their puffy snacks.
- I assume it doesn’t hurt when you’re shot in the head by a sniper.
- To deal with this crisis, the Obama administration has a two-pronged plan. First, tax the top 2% of pirates.
- I assume their is an anti-piracy iPhone app. The iArrrrgh.
- They were all the rage in the war of 1812. The good old days where the federal government actually tried to defend New Orleans.
- I’m tempted to do it, I’m ripped, and I already have my own boat. Imagine … Privateer Colbert, riding the waves with my shirt open to the navel, storming pirate ships, saving beautiful lady hostages, commanding a crew of ghostly skeletons, all while my crab confidant plays me a song on seashells.
- That was a good musical.
- So we should be putting the guys from West Marine in jail.
- After 10 hours in there, were you guys beginning to size each other up as to who you’re going to eat first in case this. Cause even a long elevator ride, and I’m checking out the marbling on the guy next to me.
- It was part of Rasmussen’s ongoing series, Polls that would have made sense in 1836. The next question was Does Dr. Hiram J. Fixem’s Methylated Elixer truly cure horse lung?
- What’s a matter, Texas? Are ya yellow?
- If I wanted to ingest something a hippie picked, I would eat an autoharp.
- Why do I have picketers in front of my studio tonight. They were chanting things about you. There are a lot of things that rhyme with Arpaio that I was not sure of.
- How do you determine that someone might be Hispanic without using their eyeballs?
- I’d like to see some ID please.