Fantasy Colbert League Weekly: April 20 – 23

Welcome to No Fact Zone’s weekly roundup of ‘Colbert Report’ guests, created in the spirit of the oft-enjoyed Fantasy Colbert League. While we can’t start up the online version of the game again, we can make it so that you can get the information you need about the guests before they come on the show.

Just like you, we want to be it-getters before the interviews start. So we’ve compiled brief bios, issues or events that Stephen might bring up during the interview, and a fun Fract (Freedom Fact) to impress your fellow viewers during the commercial breaks. Read, enjoy, and see if you can anticipate how Stephen might nail each of the following guests!

Note: As always, guests are subject to change.

Monday, 4/20: Ken Quinn, Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Second Mate Ken Quinn serves on the Maersk Alabama, a cargo ship that was hijacked by Somali pirates off the coast of Somalia on April 8. The crew regained control of the ship, but Captain Richard Phillips was taken hostage, and Quinn and other crew members were held for 12 hours before they were released. Phillips was held in a covered lifeboat until U.S. Navy snipers shot and killed three pirates who were holding him, taking a fourth pirate prisoner. The crew has finally returned to the United States despite complications of additional pirate attacks, which delayed their reunion with their captain. The pirate attacks continue; the latest attack on a Norwegian tanker was thwarted in the Gulf of Aden this past weekend.

Joe Arpaio was elected sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona, in 1992. Since then, he has kept up an 80% approval rating while creating and maintaining the ‘Alcatraz of Arizona,’ the Maricopa County Jail that includes the Tent City Jail: a yard where inmates live in surplus army tents from the Korean War. Sheriff Arpaio provides minimal comfort in the high Arizona temperatures for his inmates, but offers educational and therapeutic courses during their stay in Tent City. These practices have earned him widespread support as well as criticism, by groups like Amnesty International and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU). Arpaio has written a book titled ‘Joe’s Law: America’s Toughest Sheriff Takes on Illegal Immigration, Drugs and Everything Else That Threatens America,’ focusing on the issue of illegal immigration and how it affects everything from drug trafficking, taxes, crime, health care, and education. Since December 2008, Arpaio has appeared on the Fox Reality Channel show ‘Smile… You’re Under Arrest!‘, which tricks runaway fugitives with ‘high-energy pranks’ to get them to come in for arrest.

• Fract: Maricopa County inmates are given pink underwear, sheets, socks and towels to deter them from stealing the items. The Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office now sells replica pink underwear, along with pink handcuffs, is online to benefit the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office Youth Assistance Foundation.

Tuesday, 4/21: Coach Mike Krzyzewski

Duke University men’s basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski has led the Blue Devils team for 28 years, and a number of his students have continued on to impressive careers, including NBA players Grant Hill, Shane Battier, and Bobby Hurley. ‘Coach K,’ as they call him, was selected to coach the USA men’s basketball team at the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing – which went on to win the gold medal. Krzyzewski’s latest book, ‘The Gold Standard: Building a World-Class Team,’ discusses the differences between coaching college kids and professional athletes – who may have egos and personal rivalries to contend with. This and his previous books, such as ‘Beyond Basketball: Coach K’s Keywords for Success,’ explain management skills that apply to more than just basketball teams.

• Fract: The floor of Duke’s basketball venue, Cameron Stadium, is named ‘Coach “K” Court.’ In a more tongue-twisting nod to the coach, the grassy area outside of the stadium has been named Krzyzewskiville (or ‘K-Ville.’) Say that five times fast.

Wednesday, 4/22: Ira Glass

Radio host Ira Glass has hosted Chicago Public Radio’s ‘This American Life‘ since 1995. In 2007, ‘This American Life’ premiered on television to show and tell a number of unique stories such as the saga of a cloned Brahma bull named Chance, an elderly screenwriter, an improv group, and the stepson of a one-hit wonder. The second season of the show won Emmys in 2008 for outstanding non-fiction series and direction, and the DVDs of Seasons One and Two are available. On Thursday April 23rd, a two-hour episode of ‘This American Life – Live!’ will be taped and aired live in over 400 movie screens around the nation. The show will feature contributions by Dan Savage, Starlee Kine, David Rakoff, and Joss Whedon.

• Fract: The live show’s theme will be ‘Return to the Scene of the Crime,’ and will include a story illustrated on Post-It notes by artist Arthur Jones and a musical number performed by Joss Whedon, creator of ‘Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog.’

Thursday, 4/23: Elizabeth Bintliff

Elizabeth Bintliff is the West Africa Program Officer at the headquarters of Heifer International, a non-profit organization that aims to end hunger and poverty while taking care of the Earth to ensure food and resources will be available to future generations. Begun in 1944, Heifer International teaches environmentally sound agricultural and livestock development methods. The organization also provides livestock such as cows and goats to enable people to begin providing for themselves without damaging their environment. Today, Heifer is established in over 57 countries, including the United States, and possesses a variety of educational and informational resources online and in person.

• Fract: The program, originally called ‘Heifers for Relief,’ uses young cows who have not yet given birth who will supply a continued source of both milk and support for the families that receive them. Each family is asked to ‘pass on the gift’ and donate the female offspring of their heifer to another family in need.