epguideiconEPISODE NUMBER: 5046 (April 7, 2009)
GUEST: Queen Noor
SEGMENTS: The WØRD: Morally Bankrupt, Better Know a District
VIDEOS: Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Sorry about the early morning Guide today – I went to bed a bit early last night. I have to get to bed before 12a on rare occasions, unfortunately.

The WØRD was really funny – the morality lessons in the rerun clips were absolutely hysterical in a low-brow way that was still classier than the pig vaginas the contestants were eating. And how funny was BKAD? Good lord, I had to stop the TiVo three times so I could just stop laughing. Yay for the NAFTA/NAMBLA reference! Evil Congressmen Maffei was a total hoot. How about that Wexler callback? That’s one of the best BKAD segments I’ve seen in ages.

(On a more personal note: Once, for Halloween, I showed up at work in my regular clothes but a goatee. People would ask me who I was and I would say, “I’m evil DB, of course!” No one got it. I hated that job.)

Queen Noor was delightful, and she did an outstanding job of talking about nuclear proliferation in the face of Stephen’s silliness. And Stephen begging to be knighted was beyond adorable. Needy Stephen is just the cutest thing ever.

So what did you kiddos think of the show? Did you enjoy it as much as I did, or is it just my coffee talking?

  • It’s not my first royal. I’ve sat down with John King, Larry King, and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
  • I’m a little nervous after all the uproar over Michelle Obama when she, and I believe I’m getting this right, gave Queen Elizabeth a reacharound.
  • That dying gasp you hear isn’t just from 60 minutes.
  • Unfortunately for Bill, a week earlier Steve Jobs received mosquitoes with WiFi [And It's A Phone].
  • ["You Better Hope He Doesn't Like Chocolate, Girlfriend!"]
  • I believe that this is TV’s proudest moment. [Suck It, "Roots"]
  • [I Would Tap That Revenue]
  • The Vagina is Not The Most Nutritious Part of the Pig.
  • “Don’t Poop on the Floor” – Words to not poop by [Catch VH1's Celebrity Poop-Off!].
  • As far as I’m concerned, PCB stands for Put Carp in Belly. Come on X-ray vision!
  • The Golden Plates also won [Joseph Smith] a free tour of Jesus’s chocolate factory.
  • No hard feelings, New York’s 25th district, just a little heads up that someone up there owes me 7 year’s pay with 174 years interest.
  • You came out pretty strongly against NAFTA. But isn’t that a pretty safe position to take? I don’t think men should be having sex with underage boys! Down with NAFTA!
  • So few politicians are willing to give NAMBLA a fair chance.
  • Evil Congressman Maffei, let’s say a few things the Good Congressman Maffei would never say. I enjoy cocaine because …
  • “Do you ever wish you were cool?” “All the time.”
  • Why work so hard, are you trying to make Queen Elizabeth look lazy?
  • What is Global Zero, it’s not a diet soft drink, is it?
  • No no, the most important thing is that we have more bombs than Russia.
  • I’ll make a deal – I’ll sign the declaration, if you’ll knight me.
  • I’m as needy as a child.
  • Ah, you have negotiated before.

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