Episode 5043 (4/1/2009)
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EPISODE NUMBER: 5043 (April 1, 2009)
GUEST: Dambisa Moyo
SEGMENTS:The WØRD – Fine Line, Cheating Death
VIDEOS: Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I hope everyone enjoyed Wednesday’s episode of ‘The Colbert Report’. I really enjoyed The WØRD, mostly because of the disco roller reference. And as always, I simply cannot get enough of Cheating Death. That pill looks rather complicated to swallow – even bigger than my Cal-Mag-Zinc pill, which I always though would be impossible. The guest segment this evening, with Dambisa Moyo, was much more subdued than last night to say the least, and while it was a bit dry, it was also nice to hear the guest be able to hammer her point about how subsidies for providing business do much more for the people of Africa than simple band-aid care packages.
What was everyone’s favorite segments tonight? Did I miss putting one of your favorite quotes in my Memorable Quotes section? Please share!
- Disgruntled [French] workers have started kidnapping their bosses, and, I assume, locking them in invisible boxes until they agree to their demands.
- Mon deau! It is a 3M factory! That place is like a kidnapping superstore. They could have Scotch taped his hands together, doped him up on Wite-Out fumes, and told him if he didn’t play ball, they would Dry Erase him.
- Ok, French? That is how you treat a man who has your entire career in his hands.
- President Obama arrived under high expectations. The goal of the summit is to fix the shattered global economy. That’s why it’s a full day.
- Jimmy, quick, give me a constant, something that’s eternal. There you go – Matthew McConaughey shirtless on the beach. That is never going to change. With wife and baby?! NOOOO!!!!!
- I believe I was in that frat.
- The point is, when the line goes up, things are okay. Higher is always better. [Just Ask McConaughey]
- Stox Gr8! LOL!
- 36,000, that’s so many! You know what, Jimmy, let’s color that thing gold. Put some boobies on it. Big ones. Oh yeah!
- Oh my God! It’s at Disco Roller Freakout! What? I’m being told that we just received a statement from the Secretary of The Line, Alan Bronstein. That projects confidence. [And Zazz]
- Reproductive Health graphic FTW!
- Slim Tot Baby Appetite Suppressant – Bye, Bye Baby Fat!
- Formula $3.99 – it’s made of all the sperm that doesn’t meet my rigid Formula 401 standards.
- Side effects may include ankle bearding, precocious kidney, and hungry, hungry hipbones.
- You can hardly tell it’s Spring Break.
- UltraVaxaMax – The one pill that combines every medicine.
- Side effects of UltraVaxaMax may include … actually, it’s quicker to say the side effects it doesn’t include. Spaghetti ovaries, argyle pattern baldness, and Lou Ferriganos.
- The least we can do is to put a clean line up their ass.
- Disposable endoscopes – guaranteed to be clean because once is enough.
- Remember, use a gentle twisting motion.
- Side effects may include scrotal bassoon, Jimmy Crack Corns, and Spontaneous Harper’s Subscription.
- Wait a second, we have corruption, inflation, and a debt burden here, is someone aiding us and we don’t know it.
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12 Comments
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:17 am
First one to comment! Wow, that never happens for me! I love Cheating Death! It’s one of my absolute favorite segments. The graphics and side effects alone are guffaw-inducing. Although last night I did have flash-backs to having to clean the darned endoscope in the vet clinic I used to work in. *shudder* It’s a pain in the butt, no pun intended there. I also enjoyed the interview. Moyo made some valid points.
And I hear ya on the Cal/Mag/Zinc pills. Those things are huge!
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April 2nd, 2009 at 9:42 am
As always, I voted for The WØRD — I have to admit, I think I regressed a little with the tatas in the line graph because I couldn’t stop chuckling. Oh how I love The WØRD, let me count the ways.
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April 2nd, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Let me second that. The Word is my favorite segment. And having both it and Cheating Death in the episode made this show a homerun for me.
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April 2nd, 2009 at 9:49 am
Bedside manner? I would love to “cuddle” with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA! This segment always makes me laugh! I always love the props–the huge capsule of pills and homemade endoscope(s) were great and, as always, the side effects!
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April 2nd, 2009 at 10:30 am
I loved Cheating Death tonight! That giant pill was hilarious. And the non side effect of “argyle pattern baldness.” Haha!
ReCaptcha: self-serv Lebowitz. Say what!?
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April 2nd, 2009 at 10:32 am
I obviously meant last night, not “tonight.” Why isn’t it giving me a few minutes to edit?
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April 2nd, 2009 at 3:24 pm
That was a really interesting interview, but I can’t help but feel skeptical about certain of Moyo’s claims. I’ll have to read her book when I get the chance so I can see whether it’s more nuanced, but I was troubled by what sounded to me like a tendency to generalize about what’s good for “Africa” without noting that “Africa” is hardly a monolithic entity with a shared cultural and historical background. The history of colonial (and post-colonial) interference there, the numerous civil wars and natural disasters, all of these make me think that it’s perhaps dangerous to make blanket statements about what does and doesn’t work for the continent.
I understand the push for a greater investment in development and I recognize that there’s only so much there’s time to get into on a talk show, but I’m not sure that the implication that cuts in aid are good is truly going to be helpful. And what’s true in South Africa isn’t necessarily true in Egypt, Sierra Leone, the Sudan, Rwanda, Ghana …
Anyhow, great food for thought, and I’ll have to add this book to my fairly epic list of things to read.
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April 2nd, 2009 at 4:16 pm
When Moyo claimed that Botswana and South Africa were examples of countries that do well without aid, I became skeptical too. I know little about those two countries; however, I believe they profit from the diamond industry, which is a cause of great suffering as well.
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April 2nd, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Had to vote Cheating Death on this one. The Word was definitely relevant, but only chuckle-worthy. Cheating Death had me in stitches.
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April 2nd, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I voted for Cheating Death. The disposable endoscopes had my giggling like a 12 year old. Too funny! As always, I got a kick out of the Cheating Death graphics too.
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April 2nd, 2009 at 8:57 pm
OT this made me squee even if Stephen didn’t actually write it.
http://twitter.com/StephenAtHome/statuses/1440754281
StephenAtHome: If you can’t tell, you people make me happy
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April 3rd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Can someone explain the Harper’s reference? I’ve subscribed for years but didn’t get the joke. I didn’t even know the magazine was well known enough for a Colbert reference… If it’s a side effect of having a painful object up your backside, um, Harper’s subscribers are uptight?
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