Episode 5040 (3/19/2009)
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EPISODE NUMBER: 5040 (March 19, 2009)
GUEST: John McCardell
SEGMENTS: Michael Steele rap-off, When Animals Attack Our Morals
VIDEOS: Thursday, March 19, 2009
I’m still a bit worn out from all the “twatted” talk earlier today (and for waking up extra early to catch the ‘Today Show’ live), but I still feel like tonight’s show was a fun note to leave on before next week’s break, even if I’m too tired to express it as well as I’d like.
There seemed to be a lot of reptile talk tonight, between the Posey’s grandma story and the lizard trannie diatribe. The Michael Steele Rap-off was epic – someone needs to buy the ‘Colbert Report’ writing and video editing team a cookie for their most excellent work. My husband caught the pinstriped hoodie before I did, but then again, I did leave my glasses at my desk.
I loved the Texas Book Depository theory with the chimp and the Curious George shoutout. Living in downtown Dallas for five years has made me adore All Things Conspiracy. I actually drove by the Texas Book Depository on my way home from work today – it’s about 10 blocks from my loft. I don’t know about a banana depository, but there’s an excellent Farmer’s Market on the east side of downtown that has lots of bananas (as well as my favorite little grocery store, Urban Market). My favorite part of the interview was the Beer Herpes callback – kudos!
Ok, kiddos, go nuts in the comments. We’ve got to make this Colbert High last until the 30th.
- Now I would also request a urine sample. Not for authenticity’s sake, just as a really unique presidential memento. Who wouldn’t want some Van Buren urine? The kids are dying for it.
- If that’s a real Hawaiian birth certificate, why isn’t it etched on a coconut?
- But they say the swamp rang with her screams of ecstasy, mingled with the insistent but gentle hissing of her reptilian Romeo.
- Once again, and this is just something I’ve heard, Bill Posey’s grandma, allegedly, f@#ked an alligator.
- It’s an east-west thing – East Hampton, Westchester.
- YO! NBC Press
- BYOI – Bring Your Own It
- Nation, I’ve always said that rainbows are just God’s way of frowning at gay people. Time’s up, Steele!!
- Pin-striped hoodie FTW!
- I believe I’ve made it clear that I have the skillz to pay my children’s private school billz.
- That was the sickest thing to drop from a Republican since Bill Bennett ate bad chili.
- Now I understand the urge to throw rocks at Swedes. Especially after seeing “Mamma Mia”.
- Give it up, Bongo, Jane Goodall is just not that into you.
- Follow me through the looking glass. The Texas Schoolbook depository is located to the Texas Banana depository. And now we know who the second shooter was … curious. Oh, that theory definitely deserves applause. They call me mad …
- That’s right – lizard drag queens.
- He did not ascend to Heaven by a silk thread coming out of his butt.
- If they want to drink, they should join the military and get shipped to a country where it is legal for them to drink.
- What do you have against Palau, sir?
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39 Comments
March 19th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
I LOVED Stephen’s rap!!! The pin-striped hoodie was a major win too.
This was an all around great episode! What will we do without new shows next week? Just knowing that it’s going to be a dark week makes me miss Stephen already.
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March 19th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
oh, I loved the rapping! it was just so fun. I didn’t catch the pinstripes on the hoodie either, but this television set is substantially older than I am, so the picture may not be ideal.
loved the animal theme going on throughout the show as well. not the cutesy ones either. they’re attacking us in the morals!
interesting interview as well. as a college student I’m relatively familiar with the Amethyst Initiative. however, I know little about the drinking scene, out of not principle but apathy, so even though I’m in that 18+ 21- I feel totally unqualified on the subject.
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March 20th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
I didn’t notice the hoodie was pinstriped until he said it. The rap thing was awesome!
I enjoyed the animal bit too. I laughed out loud at Bill Posy’s grandma f#@*ed an alligator! And I found the spider story interesting because my sister was bitten by a brown recluse several years ago. It was a nasty bite!
I found the interview interesting as well and he does raise some valid points. When I was in college the drinking age was raised from 19 to 21 six months after I turned 19. Raising it did nothing to stop the underage drinking. It’s a complicated issue, but I find myself tending to agree with McCardell.
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March 19th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Yeah I thought I was going mad, I was like “Are those matching pinstripes on a hoodie??”
I guess TCR got word that Steele won’t be coming on the show. =(
But on the other hand, the rap segment totally rocked and has officially made the Steele rap battle saga bat a complete 1.000 in earning my vote.
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March 20th, 2009 at 1:43 am
that fake Michael Steele response was seriously sick.
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March 20th, 2009 at 3:06 am
Wow, 26 votes so far all for the rap battle. No wonder, it was awesome!
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March 20th, 2009 at 4:04 am
OMG! that rap mix was amazing! :)
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March 20th, 2009 at 6:00 am
And the voting is still 100% in favor of the rap battle… which was epic. Not only are Stephen’s rap skillz impressive, but the editing for Michael Steele’s rap was astounding. Stephen should buy all his editors a beer.
Who else would think of a pinstriped hoodie?!? Hahaha…
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March 20th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Stephen’s rap was awesome, but Steele’s rap mix owned! Stephen was right to give the win to Steele (or, you know, his editors), because wow was that awesome!
That pinstriped hoodie was cool too. At first I thought he had a hoodie on under the suit. Only after he sat down again did I notice that the hood matched his suit. lol. He looked silly, yet really cute, with the hood on.
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March 20th, 2009 at 8:59 am
I agree, the rap-off completely blew my socks off. I wonder how long it took them to edit Steel’s part? Cause it wasn’t only timed well, and rhymed well, it actually made sense (well, as far as raps make sense). Kudos to all involved!
By the way: rock
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March 20th, 2009 at 11:04 am
I had the exact same thought about the editing time — must’ve taken weeks!
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March 20th, 2009 at 9:05 am
That is probably one of the more unanimous R.A.P.S. polls I’ve seen in recent times.
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March 20th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Rap battle for me takes the cake, with the interview in second place. Hats off to the editors and writers of TCR. Very cool hoodie and a shout-out to M.I.A. for that “swagga like us” line to boot. :)
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March 20th, 2009 at 9:53 am
The rap battle was so brilliant my head was exploding. *wild applause*
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March 20th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Yep, rap battle wins. Who else wants to buy a pinstripe hoodie? Me, me.
Did anyone catch the first headline “Born To Run”? That was pretty cool to throw that in to honor Bruce.
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March 20th, 2009 at 10:17 am
The rap battle “preview” from the intro was a great indicator of things to come. How fresh was that win pose?
but the major rap response gets my vote.
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March 20th, 2009 at 10:39 am
OT: Watching Jon’s thrill meeting his hero Bruce Springsteen last night was heartwarming. The only comparison I can imagine w/ Stephen is if he got a chance (impossible now, alas) to have JRR Tolkien on the show.
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March 20th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Wasn’t that just love?
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March 20th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Can anyone transcribe the lyrics of the rap battle?
I love how the Nation was unsure if Michael Steele should win, Colbert should win everything!
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March 20th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Here’s the slamburger
Colbert’s Rap
(DJ Jimmy Jam on the Wheels of Steel, drop it like it’s hot!)
Hey Mike Steele gonna steal the mike
With a flow so rich it’ll get a tax hike
Droppin’ rhymes so fine, they’ll make you blush
And beats so phat you can call them Rush
O say can you see by your mom’s ugly face
We won’t need Scalia to rule on this case
The chairman is missin’, call Nancy Grace
And crank up the right wing Republican base
You better get a voucher cause your rhymes are failin’
Your game’s a dying moose and I’m Sarah Palin
Your gonna disappear like the middle class
I’ll take a penny off my loafer put the rest up your a$s!
Anybody else wanna transcribe Steele’s version?
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March 20th, 2009 at 11:16 am
’ = ‘
Dunno what happened there, it s/b an apostrophe
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March 20th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
A Hip-Hop Response “We” Put Together on Behalf of Chairman Steele
Jimmy, let the man spit it.
One, two
One, two
One, two
One, two
Get ready to get knocked over
I have something to say
I’m not trying to play
Cut me a check for 25K
You want to help the people in my state, great
‘Cause I am a republican for goodness sake
The economy, the war
And issues that affect the poor
Go to the streets
That’s really the the the heat of the meat
Bet on black, you get it done
We got the black republican who grew up on 8th street in DC, son
I’ve been a republican since I was 17
I intend to run the RNC
Go back to my base,
Getting up in their face
Democrats try to mix us up and get us off track
Ok, whatever. That’s whack. (WHACK)
The democrats have got the swagger right now.
Swagger right now, swagger-swagger right now.
Whatever.
The democrats represent deflation, stagnation, obfuscation, taxation, trifurcation(?)
Reality check here; Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer
Oops, my bad
Hush, hush
I like Rush
You know, I’m focused on the cash flow
Create the wealth, not a stimulus bill
That’s a bad, bad bill
Drill, Baby, Drill (SLAM)
There was a Michael Steele before there was a Barack Obama
I’m always open for anything, like j’ur(your) mama
Like, like, like j’ur mama
Ha ha
But seriously, trying to force a massive spending bill
I say to that bologna
These numb-nuts on Capitol Hill can blow me (STEELE)
Ha ha ha ha
You definitely got the beatdown
How you like me now?
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March 20th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
I am THOROUGHLY IMPRESSED as both a fan of hip hop(true Hip Hop, not like most of the BS you hear on the radio) and a fangirl of Colbert.
If they had a better beat behind the rhyme, I would petition for them to win some type of music award.
(Will the answer to “Who’s honoring me know” one day be the 2009 Grammy Awards because of this rhyme? Dream a little dream…Hmmm… ^_^ )
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March 20th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Thanks for the lyrics! Was wishing someone would transcribe this, too. Now if I can only get an MP3 of this hot track (same goes for Amy Poehler’s Palin rap on SNL and Steele’s “response”) I’ll be playing this with my favorite Lawrence Lessig-Stephen Colbert remixes I saved on my laptop…. :)
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March 20th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Someone should get a special Emmy for putting together the Steele rap mix. Just amazing. I just sat there in awe.
Did anyone else notice that when Stephen claimed his Alma mater to be Dartmouth during the interview, the audience accepted that claim at face value. Ha!
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March 20th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Yup caught that, but only mega fans like us would have noticed the fake ID college yes?
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March 20th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
I suppose so vigwig. Sometimes I forget how deep I am into the fandom:)
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March 20th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
yeah i was like, didn’t he go to Northwestern? Then I doubted myself and said maybe he went to Dartmouth later on.
I think I need to hook my brain into Wikipedia.
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March 20th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
I thought the same thing until I remembered wikipedia has two entries for Stephen–one for the person and one for the pundit. Talk about being the master of wikiality- no wonder I can be so easily confused! :)
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March 20th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
As much as I loved the faked Steele rap (and I totally appreciate the difficulty of putting that video together!), I voted for the audacious Posey’s grandmother segment. “Once again, and this is just something I’ve heard, Bill Posey’s grandma, allegedly, f@#ked an alligator.” I can’t believe TCR went there – but I guess Posey was equally as ridiculous and insulting and deserved to be called on it! So kudos to TCR for fulfilling their civic duty :)
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March 20th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
I was seriously covering my mouth and muttering, “Oh, he did NOT… yes, he did.” heh Only Stephen…
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March 21st, 2009 at 9:47 am
I laughed so hard when he said that! I liked this line as well: “But they say the swamp rang with her screams of ecstasy, mingled with the insistent but gentle hissing of her reptilian Romeo.”
It really is amazing how much Stephen is able to get a way with on his show.
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March 21st, 2009 at 10:58 am
I think this would be an excellent example of the things Stephen says that would be “political suicide” (from the Today show). ha.
If it weren’t for the astounding rap & rebuttal, the alligator bit would have been a winner! What a great show to take us into the long dry spell of next week’s break.
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March 21st, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Awww, I didn’t know they have next week off. Oh well, I could happily re-watch the shows from this past week.
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March 23rd, 2009 at 2:35 pm
yeah, the swamp ringing with her screams of ecstasy made me weep. that got my vote.
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March 21st, 2009 at 12:28 pm
I keep on listening to the Michael Steele part, and decided to transcribe to get a full sense of what he’s “trying” to say. I still can’t believed how “metered” they made these clips. If a Republican can rap, they’d definitely rap this way.
Chairman Steele’s Rap Response
1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2
Get ready to get knocked over
I have something to say
I’m not tryin to play
Cut me a check for 25k
You want to help the people in my state?
Great
Cause I’m a Republican for goodness sake
Economy, the war and issues that affect the core
Go to the streets
That’s really the, the, the heat of the meat
Bet on black, you get it done
We got the black Republican
who grew up on 8th street and DC, son
I’ve been a Republican since I was 17
I intend to run the RNC
Go back to my base, gettin up in their face
Democrats try to mix us up and get us off track
Ok, whatever, that’s whack
The Democrats have got the swagger right now
swagger right now, swagger, swagger right now
Whatever
The Democrats represent deflation, stagnation
confiscation (?), taxation, tropication
Reality check here
Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer
Oops, my bad, hush hush
I like Rush, yknow
I’m focused on the cash flow
Create the wealth, not a stimulus bill
That’s a bad bad bill
Drill baby, drill
There was a Michael Steele before there was a Barack Obama
I’m always open to everything, liked your mama
like, like, liked your momma
Ha ha, but seriously
Trying to force a massive spending bill
I say to that, baloney
These numbnuts on capitol hill can “y’know” me
Hahahaha Who’s definitely got the beat down
How you like me now?
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March 21st, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Wow, Zonkuya, thanks for transcribing that!
I heard a couple of things differently:
“Economy, the war and issues that affect the poor”
“The Democrats represent deflation, stagnation,
obfuscation, taxation, trifurcation”
“I’m always open to everything, like jo mama like, like, like jo mama”
“These numbnuts on capitol hill can blow me.
Also, my favorite bit is the dis on Rush then the retraction – true to life!
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March 22nd, 2009 at 5:12 am
Yeah, I read the other transcribed lyrics, and yours and others made more sense than what I heard. Having read the correct lyrics, now I want to watch each video where those clips came from, like the Colbert staff. lol
Oh, and has anyone heard if Michael Steele has his own response to Michael Steele’s hiphop response?
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March 22nd, 2009 at 9:45 am
Awesome, thanks for the lyrics.
Time for a remix of the remix – a mash up of Colbert/Steele – Lawrence Lessig are you listening?
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