Episode 5038 (3/17/2009)

EPISODE NUMBER: 5038 (March 17, 2009)
GUESTS: David Grann
SEGMENTS: Colbert Report – Persian Gulf, Colbert Aluminum, Stephen Colbert’s World of Nahlej
VIDEOS: Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! The ‘Colbert Report’ set was covered in green, and Stephen Colbert used the color green to segue into the wonderful news that he will be taping the ‘Colbert Report’ somewhere in the Persian Gulf! At … some point in the future! Or, you know, past, or something. And we got an exclusive glimpse of a document that is even more redacted than Stephen’s chapter in “Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me.” Can’t wait to see how this turns out! You know, eventually, when they can tell us something.

The ‘Colbert Aluminum’ segments will always have a warm place in my heart since the first one was shown at the show I went to. I really enjoyed learning about how the faux poor were “downsizing” their extravagant lifestyle. And I thought eating out less was a sacrifice – at least I don’t have to cancel parties! Stephen’s new segment “World Of Nahlej” cracked me up! I had to pause the screen and laugh for a while after he said “It tastes like schmicken!” HAHAH! I’m a sucker for an oldie but goody joke. Also, I’m curious as to what all is being found in the Amazon where David Grann followed the footsteps of Percy Harrison Fawcett. I might just be picking that book up!

What did all of you think of the episode? And how jazzed are you about Colbert going to the Persian Gulf?!

• That’s enough, Jimmy, [Green] washes me out.
• The Marines may be few and proud, but I am even fewer and a complete narcissist.
• Long ago, I made myself a promise, a promise that I would do whatever was asked of me by someone holding an automatic weapon.
• The Colbert Report Overseas!
• So all I will say is that there will be sand, and people who wish we would leave.
• I’ll be in a fetal position.
• So, to recap … ‘The Colbert Report’ is definitely going to visit our troops sometime in the near or distant future, or past. Jimmy, let’s put up the countdown clock.
• The recession is forcing us to aim the death ray.
• If the amount of money you’ve lost in the recession doesn’t end in “illions”, please ask the Greyhound bus driver to change the channel.
• I believe they are made by forcing full-sized cigars to swim in cold water.
• Truly the champagne of champagne packaged like beer.
• Because nothing is more sensitive to the poor than creating more of them.
• Now guppy of course, is the Cockney slang for Gulf Stream’s G-650 jet. I have no idea what the rest of that gibberish means.
  For instance, use “Tropical” instead of “Malarial.”
• Anyone with an advanced degree and a negative surname. That includes Dr. Sanjay Gupta.
• Those of us who don’t believe in science are under attack by forces we don’t understand.
• Astrology helps me make staffing decisions, since it is still not illegal to discriminate against Virgos.
• Finally I can live my dream of reading by cat light.
• Ok, he’s a commie, but he’s fighting for our side.
• You heard him you can grow meat in Petri dish.
• Mmm, that looks like an egg yolk made of blood.
• Once again, crazy PETA lady.
• Don’t forget to ask for it by name. Schmeat! Is inescapable future of humanity!
• The most surprising thing about schmeat? It tastes like schmicken.
• In the old days, a Twitter was an Indian running as fast as he can?
• And you said, Give me a piece of that.
• So maybe you found the lost city of Z and just didn’t know it. You thought it was a snake and ran away.

• Episode 6040 (3/18/2010)
• Episode 6039 (3/17/2010)
• Episode 6038 (3/16/2010)
• Episode 6037 (3/15/2010)