epguideiconEPISODE NUMBER: 5037 (March 16, 2009)
GUESTS: Jonathan Chait, Neil Gaiman
SEGMENTS: Desk interview, Better Know a Governor redux
VIDEOS: Monday, March 16, 2009

Ah, mondays! So glad that Stephen Colbert is back in all his megalomaniacal glory, and I know I’ll be enjoying the ‘Colbert Report’ an extra little bit this week knowing that the show is dark next week.

I know that Stephen knows what kind of mob he can wield when he puts his mind to it. But to put pitchforks and torches in our hands might be a bit dangerous. Terribly fun, but dangerous. The interview with “New Republic” contributor Jonathan Chait brought some interesting insight into the Conservative argument that we are going into a new New Deal.

It was fun to revisit the Better Know a Governor segment with Mark Sanford. Colbert’s insistence on the blandness of Sanford is still quite amusing the second time around. But the highlight of the show for me tonight was the interview with Neil Gaiman. I love interviews where the interviewer comes up with the best zingers of the night. I loved that Gaiman did the callback to Stephen’s children’s book that was mentioned when Gaiman won the Newbery instead of Stephen a few weeks back. How I love it-getter guests!

I know we’ve got some hard-core Gaiman fans among the Zoners here – what did you think of the interview? And what were some of your favorite moments during the show?

  • Excuse me? That’s our bailout money. It is supposed to be used responsibly, in ways we never see, to prop up businesses we don’t understand.
  • Let’s go get AIG! WHOOOOO!
  • I don’t think my insurance allows me to spin a pitchfork.
  • Before we go get these bastards, we will need a leader. Who will need this mob? [*Colbert ... Colbert ... Colbert*]
  • And anyone who says differently is seeing the glass as 7/8 full.
  • What’s wrong with rewriting history? Wouldn’t it be great if we rewrote the history of slavery so that it never existed? Which I don’t think it did because we have a black president now.
  • I said one thing, okay? You’re cheating right now.
  • What do these make-work projects do except make work for people?
  • That will stimulate the economy, of China, I presume.
  • That’s an outrage! South Carolina should seccede. Again.
  • Better Know a Governor – Mark Sanford
    • Stephen: The Confederate flag doesn’t have pictures of slaves on it. Does it?
    • Governor Sanford: Well, that would be like saying the crucifix doesn’t have Jesus on it, but for a lot of folks it certainly….
    • Stephen: Mine does.
    • Governor Sanford: It does?
    • Stephen: Yea, I’m a Catholic. You’re a Protestant. That’s the biggest difference. That and the Pope.
  • Governor Sanford: You’re right.
  • Stephen: And that Protestants are heretics. But, other than that…
  • On a more serious note, Governor, let’s talk barbecue.
  • You’re ordering your last meal. You’re a death row inmate in, say, South Carolina and there’s no way Governor Sanford is going to commute your sentence – not ‘Swing ‘em High Sanford’. You’ve ordered your last meal, it’s barbecue. What sauce do you ask for?
  • Where do you find the courage to go mustard in the face of people’s love for vinegar or sweet?
  • In 2005, ‘Time’ magazine named you one of the 5 most boring Governors in America. Did that sting?
  • You are incredibly boring. You are like a manila envelope taped to a beige wall. You are like walking, talking Ambien.
  • You say you like to ‘recharge the batteries.’ Governor, I’m not sure you’re drawing that much power. I don’t see a lot of sparks.
  • Gaiman: As I remember, those four little rabbits were absolutely terrified of ending up in Mr. McGregor’s excellent rabbit pie.
  • What is the moral of this book, other than Dead people are nice?
  • Isn’t there a danger here that our children will stop being frightened of graveyards? Because without that, how else are we supposed to get them to eat their vegetables.
  • How does a dead person raise a child, they have no milk-producing teats?
  • Gaiman: Possibly on the other side of a giant television screen? I have that, too.
  • Gaiman: Frankly, I think you’ve given me all the evidence I need there, Stephen.
  • Obviously, until you write F@#k it, we’re all going to die, the Newbery medal is going to go to people like me, Stephen.
  • I wish I could hug every one of you, mostly because … no reason, I just wish I could hug you. Good night, everybody!

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