Episode 5035 (3/11/2009)

epguideiconEPISODE NUMBER: 5035 (March 11, 2009)
GUESTS: Howard Fineman
SEGMENTS: The WØRD: Rand Illusion, Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA
VIDEOS: Monday, March 11, 2009

On the recommendation of a (very conservative) co-worker, I bought a copy of “Atlas Shrugged” to get a more well-rounded impression of their views. It’s been sitting there for months. I now officially feel much less guilty about never reading it. Oh, and by the way, we crashed GoingJohnGalt.org before the commercial break, but it looks like it may be up again now.

Oh, how I love Cheating Death! Honey Nut Areolas is my new favorite side effect of all time. Although rectal dyslexia made me chortle like a 12-year old. The interview with Howard Fineman was fantastic – it started out with multiple nailings, then took a rather serious turn at the end when Stephen started asking about the true nature of arguments. Love that depth in interviews, I really do.

This episode was chock-full of quotable quotes. Did I miss any? Share them with everyone in the comments!

  • Today suspension bridge playground museums for everyone!
  • Now if you wear a monocle, it probably just popped out of your eye in shock.
  • If this were an actual boat, they’re the one’s we’d be eating.
  • Author, philosopher, and female combover pioneer Ayn Rand.
  • That’s right, things have gotten so desperate, Americans are actually reading.
  • “Hell No, We Won’t C.E.O.!”
  • If You Read That Far, The World Does Owe You.
  • Well said, attractive humanoid life form.
  • GoingJohnGalt.org- It takes a brave man man to call for a work slowdown, particularly when his site prominently features an announcement that he is looking for work.
  • U.S. of A-Holes
  • If you’re not using Prescott, you probably saw that one episode of ‘Law and Order’.
  • Phenergan: Warning: May Cause Loss of Supreme Court Case in a 6-3 decision.
  • Vaxaplea – These caplets release a lawsuit-resistant combination of mercury and oven cleaner that targets the parts of your brain responsible for not seeing spider demons.
  • Side effects include lung quake, facial corkboarding, and eye-arrea.
  • If you can’t release heat through your sweat glands, you’ll learn to crap fire.
  • Prescott’s Water Seal – Side effects include bearded thalamus, transsexual kidneys, and rectal dyslexia.
  • Build-a-Baby workshop – Because no one should have to love just *any* baby. Side effects: Flu-nami, Spontaneous Mertail, and Honey Nut Areolas.
  • First of all, the purpose of this book is to make some scratch, Okay? Don’t bulls@#t a bulls@#tter, Mr. High Minded.
  • Don’t go to North Dakota, it’s a terrible, terrible place.
  • Well, communal and communism have the same root, so you just defeated your own argument there, Comrade.
  • You cannot sail across the country, you need to be in an ocean.
  • Check. Mate. BOOM! I think you only have 10 arguments left in here, Howard.
  • So arguments are good, does that make the Civil War the best thing that ever happened to us?
  • But essential to my argument, every argument I have, is your wrongness. That’s mostly what I’m arguing.

Comments

  1. Ms Interpreted says:

    Love, love, love for the mockery of the ridiculous Ayn Rand acolytes. Good lord, that WØRD made me happy! I don’t remember where I was reading a survey on books and relationships (Salon, maybe?), but someone was asking people whether they had any “dealbreaker” books, i.e. a book that, if you saw a prospective “date” reading it, that would be the end of the date. I was chuckling my way through the list, and when I got to the “probably anything by Ayn Rand” entry, I laughed aloud, clapped and said, “Right on!”

    Oh, lots of fun with that WØRD tonight.

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    • mrtigger001 says:

      Ditto. I was more partial to the Wørd’s poignancy than Cheating Death’s humor tonight. I was interested in reading Atlas Shrugged just to introduce some friction into my philosophical thinking after my friend explained to me the concept of the book. I haven’t gotten around to it yet though.

      If the book really is what I think it is, then the idea IS a bit extreme and ridiculous. The last line of the Wørd said it better than I could ever have.

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      • Jenny with a Y says:

        I had the same thoughts about last night’s show as you did. The Word was very poignant, especially the last line. Cheating Death was good but I had to vote for The Word.

        I very much enjoyed the interview. It was interesting and had a good balance of humor and information.

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    • AArtVark says:

      Rand is teen angst bulls#!t for adults. I’m glad whenever he calls ‘em out. We studied Rand in high school philosophy class and I thought she sucked then – life experience since has taught me that I was right.

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  2. Laaaura says:

    “You cannot sail across the country, you need to be in an ocean. Check. Mate. BOOM!” Haha! He never misses anything.

    I put my vote in for Cheating Death. Oh how I love the side effects: “Eye-arrhea.” That one had me dying.

    Yay, we finally got a check-in! I look forward to seeing Jim Cramer on TDS tomorrow. The feud hyped up by the news kind of reminds me of the Richard Branson v. Colbert water fight hype.

    Side note: I feel like I have been a day ahead all week (presumably because of daylight saving time?) When Jon said Jim Cramer was going to be on his show tomorrow, I thought he was making a joke because I thought tomorrow was Friday. I was definitely like, “hahaha he can’t be on your show if tomorrow is Friday and you don’t tape on Friday. Haha. Oh… wait. Cool!”

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  3. Lucy says:

    Great show tonight! Although Cheating Death has always been one of my favorite segments (and tonight was no exception), the Wørd was especially on point.

    Laaaura: Jim Cramer being on TDS tomorrow night reminds me of the Stewart/Colbert/Conan fight from last year. I wonder if they’ll continue this on TCR and “Mad Money”… :)

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    • Lisa says:

      I agree about The Wørd. It’s hard to vote for anything else when there’s a Wørd that airs. They are, easily, my favorite segments on the show.

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  4. GabbyD says:

    That Word was amazing. i learned all i needed to know about Ayn Rand and her work, as well as his main point…

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  5. Anonymous Coward says:

    I thought that the utter ridiculousness that is the going Galt movement could have been torn down much better. The Word underwhelmed given the rich material the segment had to work with. The biggest takeaway I got from it was that Michelle Malkin is both the craziest hot woman and the hottest crazy woman in America

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  6. Spoon at a Spork Fight says:

    I too have a copy of Rand’s “Introduction to Objectivist Epistemology” that was lent to me by a coworker (I lent him a biography of Bill Hicks) weeks ago. As dry as philosophical reading can be, her attempts at writing dialogue in her fiction are way more brittle and clumsy. And I personally can’t get on board with her worldview (I’ll be thinking of her philosophy during the Pete Singer interview, to try and anticipate Stephen’s reactions), so had to vote for the Word.

    I really loved the Pre-Natal Health/Build=a=Baby bit from Cheating Death though. The “no one should have to love just any baby” line is poignant (what would Ayn say?). Also loved “hundreds of different eye colors: from icy blue to Artic blue!” (we all love Stephen’s brown eyes) and “eliminate unwanted family traits like . . . dad’s ethical qualms about eugenics.” Heh.

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  7. Loll says:

    I too voted for the Word, but the whole show was great once again. The interviews have really been very interesting lately (while still being very funny).

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    • Loll says:

      Oops – forgot to add something. Even though it wasn’t part of TCR, it was great to finally see a toss again. TDS should be, um, interesting, tonight!

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      • Nukaleu says:

        I’ve so missed the tosses. Cracked me up when Stephen bribed him with five dollars XDD

        Paul Rud was hilarious. I wished he could stop over at the Report. Whenever I think of him I think of the SWC finale he was in. When he leans against the wall in front of the bright light of the doors and with the fog…killer.

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  8. Val says:

    I would just like to put in a Tip of my Hat to the suit, shirt, tie combo last night – loved it.

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    • Nukaleu says:

      Oh I totally agree. Lovely lavender shirt and purple tie. And the hair was nice, too. Bit of an up-dip on the right side.

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      • Lisa says:

        I’m with you! He can really rock the lavender…and red, as well. My favorite suit combo: jet black suit (pinstripe too), bright white shirt, deep red tie. I think it’s the really dark brown hair that sets the tie off.

        Sorry for the tangent — I do enjoy a good suit and tie every now and then. : )

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        • Nukaleu says:

          Oh oh oh…my favorite outfit: grey suit, light turquoisy blue shirt, simialar colored tie.

          But I agree the brown hair definitely goes nicely with the classic red tie.

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        • Lucy says:

          I also love when he wears cufflinks. I know its a minor detail, but it makes him look just a little bit dressier… :)

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  9. Nukaleu says:

    Cheating Death always gets my vote. The side effects never fail to leave me repeating them all day. The random factor is turned up to 11 and sometimes its just painful to imagine what some of them would look like. Eye-arrhea was my favorite. And when he questioned the “short arms” trait in babies; that was an awesome graphic, as always. I’d love to work for the TCR graphics team.

    Yay Howard Fineman! I like his hair half silver and half brown. I think he’ll look pretty old if its all white.

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  10. Cole says:

    The WORD was great. Especially because my mom wants me to read Atlas Shrugged.

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  11. Mel says:

    I voted for the WORD, just because I read that book and hated it. Enough said. But Cheating Death was awesome too.

    And YAY! TOSS! I’m happy now.

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  12. vigwig says:

    Great show and smackdown of Ayn Rand’s pseudo-objectivist nonsense. I loved the line about a 50 year old book from a fictional America. I voted for Cheating Death however, cause the side effects kill me (no pun intended). I also loved the comment about France’s “argument” – hilarious.

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  13. Lisa says:

    Out of just general curiosity, I’m interested in reading Ayn Rand. What’s funny is that in my very Republican town (and county), every single copy of Atlas Shrugged has been checked out (including audiobooks).

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  14. Holly says:

    to those of you who are thinking of reading Atlas Shrugged and avoiding it, I would recommend reading it. If you are a patient reader. (There are some sections that consist of 40+ pages of one character giving a monologue — great literature it’s not!) It is a fairly interesting story, I found the characters pretty compelling, and the philosophy horrifying.

    But, it did (way back when) help me see a different point of view — I truly hadn’t ever really bothered to think about the value of “big do-ers” — we really do need them in society. And I am perfectly aware that I am not one. I just don’t agree that therefore 1) all policy must be in favor of big do-ers and not consider those less naturally endowed with talent 2) self-interest is sufficient to generate any good we need in society.

    and yeah – right on Word.

    I liked the interview too. Stephen’s nailings are so clever! :)

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    • laughing at nothing says:

      I think it’s the vast opportunities of America as a country that enable and allow for the success of John Galt-types. To be a citizen of a nation is to be in a mutual relationship, both give and take. If one chooses to not want to be a citizen (pay taxes) and leave the country, that’s fine — but in leaving one’s nation behind, one should leave behind everything that nation made possible, all wealth and goods. If the would-be exile is as productive and superior as he/she claims, this would be the perfect demonstration of those abilities in a self-made environment.

      The USA has one of the lowest individual tax rates in the developed world, and we have no national VAT. As other Zoneres have said, Stephen’s last line of the WØRD was succinctly expressed. My feeling is, if Galtians want to leave everything behind and start again with their Übermensch skills, don’t let the hoi polloi stop them!

      reCAPTCHA: 3:15 Goldfield
      yes

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  15. Tiger says:

    I HAD to go with the interview. the guy had great responses. he wasn’t trying to show off or compete, but I think the premise for his book is a great idea! finding patterns in public discourse is a worthwhile exercise. I also loved the “sail across the country” from Colbert, because it was a great way to evade his question, and I too was like “wait, what did you just say?” I like comfortable interviews like that, where I’m not worried about the guest getting flustered. that dude was COOL.

    cheating death had great side effects, like usual, but it didn’t seem as fun.
    and the Word. for one thing, I haven’t read any of the books, so I don’t know if they’re right or not. I have read her theory as it’s presented in the appendix of The Fountainhead, though, and I know there are some aspects I agree with and others that are either demonstrably false or I don’t support them myself. I think these books would be interesting reads for critical thinking, at least. if you watch TCR, you likely get plenty of reinforcement of your current views! :)

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  16. Michele says:

    As much as I loved the Word, I voted for Cheating Death. It just always makes me laugh like a 12-year-old! I agree with DB that honeynut areolas and rectal dyslexia were hilarious. I also enjoyed the interview and I, too, like it when the guests are relaxed and enjoying themselves. I have an odd favorite quote from the interview, “I have 13 arguments before breakfast.” It’s funny cuz it’s true. Well, it’s true if you have a spouse and children that is. I LOL’d!

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  17. Connie says:

    Actually, I did see that episode of “Law and Order”. Had to record it and show it to everyone I know!

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  18. forsakinghalfloves says:

    Agree on the comments about Stephen’s lovely ensemble. :)

    Voted for the WORD. The last line was so on point, and it’s amazing to me that the far right are unable (or unwilling) to recognize that they’re being selfish and greedy in these times of uncertainty.

    David Neiwert of Crooks and Liars says: “What’ll be really funny is watching these Galt-goers come scrambling back from their U.S. of A-holes when the economy gets rumbling again. I plan to welcome them back by laughing in their faces.”

    Brilliant.

    And I can’t believe he called Michelle Malkin an Attractive Humanoid Lifeform! Was that the first time he used that? I know he has nicknames for a lot of Fox people/conservative pundits… :)

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