Episode 5013 – R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)

R.A.P.S. (Awesome!)Well, Zoners, we tried to call 1-877-SEAN-930, but it seems that the Colbert Nation has already crashed the system. I love it so much that Stephen sent us to that number. HAHAH!!!

I’m also pretty sure Pastor Ed Young is not a regular viewer of ‘The Colbert Report’, seeing as how he was struggling so hard to keep a straight face. It amused me that Stephen didn’t understand that Young satellites his sermons to franchise churches. The Twitter flurry was pretty crazy tonight, so I’m guessing quite a few people from Young’s Fellowship Church were watching the show.

Here are a few notable moments from this episode:

  • It was the first presidential signing to end like this: ‘The More You Know.’
  • I tazed you in the back. Don’t be a drama queen.
  • Remember to waterboard yourself at least once a day.
  • Are you saying there are stem cells in my iPhone?
  • No monkey business. No evolution.
  • Genital tadpoles
  • 700 Club
  • Even God rests on the seventh day.
  • You’re not doing it right then – If you’re being quiet about it.
  • Once again, there are books you can consult.
  • 1-877-SEAN-930

Please feel free to leave a comment or add a write-in vote for something not included in the poll.

Edit: The “Hate Hannity Hotline” is working again, but the mailbox is full. Heehee!


  1. I have to report that I giggled when I first heard “Hate Hannity hotline.” It’s probably best the mailbox was full, because I was tempted by the *0 option, and almost had a heart attack when an actual human answered with a “Good morning, Fox News.”

  2. that omar part (inc. the prop malfunction) was pretty darn funny, but I had to give my vote to a very solid interview. a guest with good strong convictions always makes it more fun! plus the subject matter didn’t hurt– Stephen’s comments about it certainly had Paster Young giggling!

  3. The Roe V. Wade part was pretty great with the whole “I thought it was about how to get across the lake.” Haha!

    I called the phone number after the show. It took a few times to get through, but yeah, once I got through it did say how the inbox was already filled up.

  4. As far as the episode is concerned, I definitely give my vote to the Tip of the Hat to Roe v Wade. That left me in tears.
    On a side note, today in my Labor Economics class (at the University of Kansas), my professor used a Colbert clip to further drive home the measurements of unemployment vs “not in the labor force.” It was the W0RD: The Audacity of Hopelessness, dealing with Bear Stearns. I just thought I would share!

    • that’s awesome! I think I was taking macroeconomics when that aired (either that or I’d just finished it) and I was quite impressed how the joke of that Word was based on material I’d actually had to learn for class.

  5. laughing at nothing says:

    I had a strong negative reaction to the interview. The guest Ed Young himself was in good spirits and aware of the Colbert character and humor, but his subject actually made me feel claustrophobic and queasy.

    I don’t accept “persons of authority” — such as pastors — trying to involve themselves in people’s sex lives in ANY capacity. Paraphrasing him, “When I suggested it the men cheered, but after three days the women were really into it.” Does this belong as a topic of discussion in a church? I don’t know what value there is for Pastor Ed (or his wife, who suggested it) to know how often his “married” congregation have sex.

    I don’t disagree that spreading the love is good for a marriage, but simply encouraging couples to have more sex is a facile answer within complicated dynamics. I’m not sure it is responsible general advice to give a congregation, knowing that intimate life “challenges” will often put unneeded additional pressure on many relationships.

    (I’d like to add that I’m not airing any personal laundry in my reaction. DH knows the many facets of my “You’re not the boss of me” responses.) ;D

    reCAPTCHA: of unpleasant (really!)

    • Yeah… really. I may have been a little more sensitive to this than usual because I’ve recently read a really alarming number of articles by conservative religious columnists hardlining the whole “the husband depends on sex from his wife, so she should give it up whenever he wants it, no matter how much she doesn’t want to” attitude. It’s much, much more prevalent than people like to think. And while Young didn’t get gender-specific for most of the interview, the mention of the men’s vs. women’s reaction really rubbed me the wrong way. If the implication is that the women had to be wheedled and coaxed into it for the sake of fulfilling his “challenge,” and he thinks that’s funny… well, sorry, no.

      And besides, there’s just what you said about telling a roomful of people, “You know what your marriage needs? Sex! Every night! Forever! Trust me, it’ll be great!” He can’t possibly not see all the potential ways that might not be good advice.

      I would’ve liked to just laugh along, but it all seemed a little too Phyllis Schlafly for me.

      • laughing at nothing says:

        You brought up what I didn’t, the (what I’ll call) implicit sexism of the challenge — “The men cheered!” Yet according to Pastor Ed the idea was his wife’s, so it wasn’t supposed to be overtly geared toward men.

        I don’t know the leanings of his Fellowship Church but as you wrote, many women are involved in the conservative Christian movement. Under the guise of “Everybody married, let’s get laid!” may be a desire to emphasize the “letters of Paul” take on marital and gender relations.

      • I’m glad you mention this because I just sat there wanting to laugh at the juvenile humor, but kind of just scowling instead. I wonder what Pastor Ed thinks of Dennis Prager’s “manifesto” about “when a woman isn’t in the mood.” It basically says that a healthy marriage = a wife letting a husband fsck her whenever he wants, because it’s his right to be happy.

    • I think Young’s challenge was less about dictating to couples to have sex as per his instructions, but I think more to emphasize the idea of having sex in wedlock as opposed to out of wedlock. I just finished watching the challenge video on his own blog (just out of curiosity) and at one point he said, “As for singles? Sorry.” I don’t understand why he would want to alienate an entire sector of his own church? That just seems hurtful to me. Not to mention the idea of using sex as a band aid to heal a problematic marriage — glossing over real problems within a marriage isn’t the answer. Medicating a problem with something other than actually dealing with it isn’t the healthiest thing, in my mind. For publicity’s sake, it was at least sensationalistic, which is probably what he was counting on, at least IMO.

  6. I didn’t get the iceland molotov cocktail yogurt joke….anyone?

  7. Ms Interpreted says:

    I thought last night’s show was a mix of good and … uncomfortable, I guess. I didn’t love the “Omar” bit only because I think I’ve been reading too much about how these so-called “terrorists” were captured and imprisoned (both at Gitmo and elsewhere), and given the injustice of proceedings from Day One, it was hard for me to find the humor in the multiple layers of jokes about the mistaken identity, what to do with released detainees, etc. The segment was done well, I just couldn’t find much to laugh at last night (especially after The Daily Show‘s “Camera Three” rant, which — probably for reasons of expedience — glossed over the fact that not all detainees are terrorists).

    I had the same reaction to the Ed Young segment that laughing at nothing and Olivia had. He was genial enough, clearly enjoying himself, and I certainly won’t be bothered with whatever frequency of sex couples enjoy, but I was very much put off by the idea of anyone interfering with a large audience’s sex lives. Religion and abstinence go hand in hand more often than religion and sex, but I find either concept disturbing. And even though Pastor Young may have intended his words only as a suggestion, he said them while standing at his pulpit; that bothers me because the words become less of a “suggestion” and more of an “instruction”. Lots there to bother me.

    I did love the Tip/Wag (although someone in the TWoP forums correctly pointed out that it’s actually the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, not the 35th), and I thought Chris Mooney was pretty cool. Actually, I would have liked Mooney to be the main guest. So I’m certainly not down on the episode, overall, but it was definitely more of a mix last night than it usually is for me.

  8. I agree w/ a lot of the other zoners, separation of church and bedroom ideally should be considered like separation of church and state. A pastor micromanaging people’s sex life is just inappropriate. Telling an exhausted mom of 2 toddlers that she should put out to a husband who doesn’t help out around the house is more likely to get a frying pan over the head than a cuddle.

  9. Being from Dallas, and seeing the other initiatives that the Fellowship Church has taken over the years, I don’t see it at all as a pastor trying to control his flock. Instead, I see it as a rather cunning marketing ploy, getting the name of the church out there to people who would have never heard of it before. They have a huge billboard right outside one of the main exits into downtown Dallas, and they’ve always got some kind of controversial attention-getting headline on it. For example, the current billboard is about the “Crazy Pill”, which can be explained more on their website. I thought the one about what do do if you’re having an affair was much more controversial than this headline.

    There’s another church right down the street from the Fellowship Church – Downtown branch, the First Baptist Church of Dallas. They, too, go for “scandalous” headlines (Why Gay is not OK), and try to get the attention of news organizations and potential congregants. I think it’s just something that churches do in this part of the country.

    Now, here’s the problem that *I* have with the whole mess. The Fellowship church, and other megachurches like it, always seem to me to be big huge pep rallies. A friend who attended a Fellowship worship service said it felt like a rock concert. To me, that’s so different from the quiet contemplation felt at a smaller worship house, or Buddhist temple, or even from the Catholic church that I attend (three blocks down from the Fellowship Church downtown, I might add).

    It seems more like people are turning the worship of their creator into a sports event, and that has always rubbed me the wrong way. It seems to turn the focus away from God or the supreme creator or the “higher power” away from the self, and turn it into a very self-centered activity.

    But at least the people are attempting to better themselves in a way that makes them feel comfortable, and I can’t be too critical of people who are at least trying to make a difference, even if it’s something I personally would not do. Many of the sermons that are preached at the Fellowship Church are about making a better life – stronger marriages, better relationships with your fellow man, getting yourself out of debt. They’re topics that are very much Self-Help oriented.

  10. I voted for the interview, purely for the humor of it. Stephen talking about sex is always funny, Stephen being given free reign to do so because it’s actually on topic is even better.

    As for the content of Young’s actual proposal? Religious leaders tell people what to do, and what not to do, all the time. That shouldn’t come as any surprise – it’s part of any organized religion. I don’t see the blanket “have sex within marriage” message as any more fundamentally inappropriate than a blanket “abstinence before marriage” message. Or for that matter, “don’t eat X food”, “do recite these words daily.”

    Which is to say I don’t think sex is really the issue. It’s ceding to someone else the authority to proscribe some behaviors in your life, and prescribe others, that carries the potential to cause trouble.

    Just my $.02 . Mostly I just like hearing Stephen say “When you wiki wiki with your nanu and your neenu, make sure you’re schlorpy is properly inserted in your shamu.”

    Oh, and: “You’re not doing it right, if you’re being quiet about it.” :)

  11. I would just like to add that I thought Stephen’s tie was exquisitely different from the norm – loved it.

  12. dodgerblu says:

    umm, I know it’s silly and kind of wrong, but my absolute favorite part of the episode was the Christmas card with the kittens in the wood chipper…maybe there’s something wrong with me?

  13. Bogga Sigurmundar says:

    The best part of the episode for me was the intro: “Hey, Iceland! You can’t make a molotov cocktail with yogurt!”


    Completely ungoverned Icelander, as of last Monday. x

  14. forsakinghalfloves says:

    Yes, a lot of religious leaders do tell people what to do. It also heavily depends on their rhetoric, the tone that they use, their choice of words. Here in the Philippines, the Catholic Church still has tremendous influence on Philippine society and politics, even if our constitution says that separation of Church and state is inviolable. And a lot of priests use that to their advantage, especially during the homily.

  15. ColbertGirl27 says:

    I very much enjoyed the interview with Ed Young simply because I can’t get enough of Stephen’s euphemisms. That said, I agree with DB that these megachurches resemble something closer to pep rallies rather than houses of worship that provide a time of silence and reflection. Megachurches have always rubbed me the wrong way because they seem to emphasize quantity over quality. Everything strikes me as tacky, commercialized and sensationalistic as is shown through this “sexperiment.” I can respect the idea of abistence before marriage, but I don’t like it when it is turned into something sensationalistic.

    • ColbertGirl27 says:

      I wasn’t able to finish editing in time. I meant to say “abstinence.”
      Another thing that came to my mind was purity rings. It’s all well and good if you want to stay abstinent until marriage, but isn’t it odd to flaunt that fact?

      recaptcha: petit new york (i know this is in reference to the next episode, but still!)

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