If you’re looking for an inexpensive way to heat your home, might I suggest a grease fire? This is The Colbert Report!”
“Number 17 With A Bullet” “Tonight, a Giants wide receiver is being charged with gun possession. He … Could … Go … All … The … Way … To … Jail!”
- Operation Humble Kanye
The Wørd: A Man Named Plaxico
O Spend All Ye Faithful!: “Then, my Christmas guide for the rich. First hint? Get Christo to wrap an island.”
- Colbert Platinum: Christmas Gift Edition
Err Plane: “And, my guest Jeffrey Goldberg says airline security is insufficient. Great. Now we have to take off our pants.”
- Jeffrey Goldberg – The Atlantic
THE COLBERT BUMP – YOU’RE GETTING IT:
Jeffrey Goldberg – The Atlantic Magazine
In closing: Reminder about the eBay auction for Colbert’s boots – “You’re gonna love my boots. They reek of holiday cheer and damp possum fur.”
The Word – A Man Named Plaxico
Some are calling Plaxico Burress the Rosa Parks of people who have shot themselves in the thigh in a nightclub.
NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!
More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website
- Full Episode – Tuesday December 2, 2008:
- Intro – 12/02/08: A Giants wide receiver is charged with gun possession. He — could — go — all — the — way — to — jail!
- Operation Humble Kanye – Buy Stephen’s Album: Buy Stephen’s album on iTunes tomorrow before Kanye West’s head gets any bigger.
- Colbert Platinum – Christmas Edition: The Miguel Caballero bulletproof Polo shirt is the perfect gift for the dad who has everything, including a price on his head.
- Jeffrey Goldberg: Jeffrey Goldberg believes airports don’t have security — they’ve got security theater.
- Buy Stephen’s Boots on eBay: Stephen’s boots reek of holiday cheer and are up for auction on eBay.
- This is great because the Dow almost fell 700 … Dows. Money points. Stock-o’s. 700 Stock-o’s.
- Let them find out about your secret family in the video will.
- I have not been ranked that low since I entered that Tween beauty contest. It’s ridiculous – Tiffany had hands like a trucker!
- Gotta towel down after that, and drink a refreshing Zima. Wow, that’s bottled crap.
- I want boots on the ground, and do your twitter blogging to each other and get it all together, whatever you kids do, ok? It’s important.
- If [Kanye's] head gets any bigger, it will explode, and then we will all be covered with sunglass shards.
- Now frankly, I’ve never understood gay marriage. How could a man have an intimate, long-lasting relationship with another man?
- And what was the supposed crime? [Sweatpants At A Nightclub?]
- Whoever is really at fault here? [Whoever Named Him "Plaxico"?]
- Editors Note: Sweetness NEVER gets old!
- What? What’s that? No, we need him to run the camera.
- I just want to assure everybody out there who was concerned that I might have shot myself before the commercial break that I’m fine, the bullet ricocheted off my balls.
- Remember, this segment is for Platinum members only. If your decking the halls with boughs of holly instead of Halley Berry, please leave. Why don’t you go and sing carols around your baby grand piano.
- Whether you’re deflecting bullets or getting shot point blank at poolside, you will stay calm, cool and alive. Provided that they don’t aim for your arms, legs or face.
- Yes, now you too can fail to meet the expectations of an entire city. It’s perfect for keeping up with the Joneses, particularly if your neighbor is the Cowboys owner, Jerry Jones.
- You hear that? ALL the days! I feel like such a sap for dropping 300 large on that solid gold “Just Thursdays” edition.
- From the Jeffrey Goldberg interview:
- Stephen: If it’s all a show, and we’re spending all this money on it, shouldn’t it be a more exciting show? Shouldn’t every tenth person be a really sexy actor who has to be strip searched right in front of you? ‘I’m sorry sir, I’m going to have to check your abs.’
- Stephen: If you and me disagree about anything today, perhaps we can settle it [picks up boxcutter] like men.
- Stephen: Why did you get on? Why didn’t they stop you? Because you look like a Wisconsin dairy farmer? That you might be smuggling some sharp chedder?
Fangirl Suit Report: Dark, charcoal grey suit; Faint yellow dress shirt with barrel cuffs (fabric covered buttons), Violet tie with narrow white striped pattern.