Episode 4139 (10/28/2008)

The following was supposed to contain brief nudity. Thanks a lot network! This is The Colbert Report!”


Baked Alaskan: “Tonight, Ted Stevens is convicted by a jury of his peers. Wow, they found 12 corrupt senators?”

  • Sen. Ted Stevens is convicted
  • Desk Guest: Brian Moore, Socialist candidate for President.

Marx Brother: “Then, is Barack Obama a socialist? I’m not sure, but the fact that I’m asking seems mighty suspicious.”

  • Crappy Canton Redux

Sherman & Mr. Peabody: “Plus, I sit down with Native American author Sherman Alexie. Nobody bring up how we ole-stay their and-lay

  • Sherman Alexie – Native American author, “Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian”

THE COLBERT BUMP – YOU’RE GETTING IT:

Sherman Alexie -The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian


In closing: “Only six more days until the election, liberals. Don’t forget to buy your tickets to ‘Canada’. Good night.”

Video Highlight: Sherman Alexie — Sherman Alexie believes John McCain has been great for Native Americans, but he’s bad for the country.

R.A.P.S. – Vote on your favorite segment of the show here!

NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!

More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website

NOTABLE MOMENTS

  • Editor’s Note: Yes, that intro sounded familiar to me, too. Ah, the burden of being a walking TCR encyclopedia …
  • What a long, long emotional day it has been for all of us. You see, my heart was just beginning to heal from the injustice done three years ago to California congressman Randy “Duke” Cunningham who unfairly plead guilty to accepting bribes and was sentenced to eight years in prison. You hang in there, Dukester. Because yesterday, God decided to send you a buddy.
  • Editor’s Note: Stephen openly weeping is Love.
  • This is an old trick I learned from my modeling days. Preparation H really depuffs the lids down here. Make sure you use a fresh tube.
  • No matter how much he yelled at them, the inanimate objects refused to grow legs and walk away. It always worked in “Beauty and the Beast.”
  • Senator Stevens, if you do end up in prison, try sneaking out through the internet. After all, it really is just a series of tubes.
  • There is one question on everyone’s mind this election season. Who is Barack Obama? At first we thought he was a secret Muslim. Then we thought he was a domestic terrorist. And for a while, I thought he might be Mothra.
  • You hear that? People are going to be coming to take your stuff. Luckily, we know how to stop that. Before Obama is sworn in, lick everything you own.
  • Editor’s Note: Stephen licking the desk is Love.
  • No, Senator [Biden], this is a joke: What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist ManiPESTO.
  • Well, I hope you like that joke, America. Because once President Obama redistributes punch lines, it’s the only one you’ll have. Knock Knock … [Audience: Who's there?] Communist Manipesto! It works for everything.
  • From the interview with Brian Moore:
    • Stephen: So let me start out by saying I hate everything you stand for, and welcome to the show.
    • Stephen: Do workers get to decide what my PIN number is if I take over the banks?
    • Stephen: You could actually be a John McCain stunt double, has anyone ever told you that? No one’s ever told you that? No? …
    • Stephen: As a socialist, if you had your druthers, wouldn’t you be forced to share your druthers with everybody else, because nobody owns their own druthers. Did I just nail you?
  • Now, the mayor of Canton, GA got upset over my remark, but it was all a mistake. Canton, GA is a great place to raise your inbred children. Or non-inbred children, the town is very accepting of both.
  • The people of Canton, KS were a little upset and rightly so. It’s a gorgeous community, especially if you’re a fan of silt.
  • Yes, there’s an old saying in Texas. Remember the Alamo, but Good God, forget everything you’ve ever heard about Canton, TX.
  • Canton, Ohio? That’s the good Canton! But now that Barack Obama has made Canton, Ohio important to his campaign, I am forced to find it so crappy its name should be changed to “Hitlers’ Asscrack, Ohio.”
  • You’ve forced my hand. So here it goes. Hey, Canton, you used to be the home of Hoover vacuum cleaners. But they left because even they thought your city sucked too hard.
  • And you’re home to the McKinley Memorial. I visited that once. It was so boring, I wish I’d been assassinated by an unemployed Polish anarchist.
  • And Canton, Ohio is the only place in America where the tombstones read, “Best Day of my Life”.
  • From Sherman Alexie interview:
    • Stephen: Let me ask you something. Is “Indian” a name that Indians can call each other but I can’t call an Indian an Indian, I have to call you a Native American. Can I call you an Indian?
      Sherman: I want to ask you a question first.
      Stephen: That is generally not allowed, but go ahead. My people have given your people a rough time for centuries now.
      Sherman: I think you owe us a little bit.
      Stephen: Not the land back, but I’ll let you ask a question.
    • Stephen: And by the way, we Anglos forgive you for attacking the wagon trains. All is forgiven.
      Sherman: And we forgive you for smallpox.
      Stephen: You’re welcome, we’d like those blankets back, please. Have them dry cleaned, please.
    • Stephen: What kinds of misconceptions, and I’m sue there are some misconceptions, that us European ancestry have about Native Americans, and if you could answer, please, using your Spirit Wolf voice.
      Sherman: My spirit animal is actually a squirrel, not very dramatic, actually.
    • Stephen: Did you, like, separate the buffalo hide from the buffalo skull?
    • Stephen: Counting coup I call war without balls.

Fangirl Suit Report: Charcoal gray suit with bold pinstripes, Crisp white shirt with French cuffs, Red tie with white square pattern.

Comments

  1. mrtigger001 says:

    tsk tsk, stephen. recycling old pre-”This is the Colbert Report!” punchlines. tsk tsk…

    the interview was amazing.

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  2. I loved the Ted Stevens piece and Stephen’s Noblet-esque weeping. The Brian Moore interview was… okay. He was probably nervous in the presence of Stephen Colbert (I know I would be!), but I kind of expect a presidential candidate — regardless of their party affiliation — to be more articulate. But I loved the Sherman Alexie interview! And I’m not sure, but I think Stephen got nailed… :)

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  3. Ms Interpreted says:

    Loved loved loved the Sherman Alexie interview! He’s such a funny author (read The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven, if you’re looking for something beyond his current book), and he really understood Stephen’s character. Opening with the Christopher Columbus question was brilliant, and the smallpox blanket banter was the funniest exchange about a shameful episode in U.S. history I could have dreamed of hearing.

    Excellent interviews so far this week — yay!

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    • I loved that interview too! It was so much fun to watch that I’ve watched it again twice now. LOL! They played off each other really well and I enjoyed the exchange. I also liked the weeping, desk-licking, and Canton segments.

      Oh and I caught the recycled opening comment right away. I suppose that’s bound to happen occasionally. I almost wonder if they do it now and then to see if we’re paying attention.

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    • Lone Ranger is such a wonderful book! We read it in my sophomore English class and it got me absolutely hooked. Beautiful stuff. He’s a great author! I’m glad to see him on the show.

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  4. The Sherman Alexie interview was fantastic. Though, I think Stephen may have been slightly nailed…Alexie really came fully loaded that’s for sure.

    Is it possible to love the continuing Canton saga anymore than I already do? Nope. Not possible.

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  5. Is this a first ever reverse nailing? Stephen had no comeback but smiling (as I was). It was a great interview. Also I hope he finds another US town to bash, the Canton bits were too funny.

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    • ColbertGirl27 says:

      I’m not sure if this was Stephen’s first nailing, but it was certainly an obvious one.

      Stephen: ….war with no balls?
      Alexie: Like McCain’s campaign?
      Stephen: (Silence)

      That was just amazing!

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  6. One: Colbert was totally nailed, but in a good way. What a great interview.

    Two: He’s been nailed before. I would argue that Fareed Zakaria got the last word when he was on for the first time in the first season.

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  7. looped linear says:

    Thanks for the recap, DB, and especially thanks for the link to the Phrase Finder. Though I actually knew what druthers were, I love collecting reference links that i can stash in my desktop ‘library’. ;)

    That was a really good interview. Colbert got nailed hard a few times…staying in the Custer Arms…;P lol

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  8. i thought that opening sounded familiar!

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  9. *gasp* i love you!

    …lets try. Wørd

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  10. I LOVE SHERMAN ALEXIE SO MUCH! Haha he’s my favorite author for sure. Read all his stuff, especially The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven. Absolutely True Diary is great too. So is Flight. I could rave all day.

    Great interview!

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  11. What an absolutely awesome interview! I’ve never heard of Sherman Alexie – I’ll have to read his books now for sure.

    Great back and forth with Stephen. The hotels, the blankets, the balls. It was all great!

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