Oct
16
Episode 4132 (10/15/0208)
By
I will now have 22 minutes for my rebuttal. This is The Colbert Report!”
Transmission Accomplished: “Tonight, the NSA eavesdrops on American soldiers. It’s all part of the army’s new policy – Don’t ask, Don’t tell, we’re going to find out anyway.”
- Final Debate – McCain needs a game changer
The Wørd: Freaky Three-Way Calling
He Shoots, He Scorns: “Then what’s new in the world of sports? Which reminds me – newly homeless, no camping on my golf course.”
- Stephen Colbert’s Sport Report – Lame Sports Edition
Brown Served: “And my guest tonight is former ‘Vanity Fair’ editor Tina Brown. I’ll interview her after 50 pages of Dolce & Gabbana ads.”
- Tina Brown – Founder and Editor-in-Chief, TheDailyBeast.com
THE COLBERT BUMP – YOU’RE GETTING IT:
Tina Brown – TheDailyBeast.com
In closing: “Remember, the show may be over out there, but it’s playing nonstop in here, and that is because I had a TiVo installed in my chest.”
Video Highlight:
Sport Report – Lame Sports Edition
The Tampa Bay Rays show what’s possible when your baseball team renounces Satan.
R.A.P.S. – Click here to talk about the episode!
NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!
More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website
- Intro – 10/15/08: The NSA eavesdrops on American soldiers. It’s all part of the Army’s new policy “don’t ask, don’t tell, we’re going to find out anyway
- The Word – Freaky Three-Way Calling: The NSA gets off listening to your private phone conversations.
- Tina Brown: Tina Brown compares The Daily Beast to a great cocktail party with fun and interesting people.
- Chest TiVo: The show may be over, but it’s playing nonstop in Stephen’s chest.
NOTABLE MOMENTS
- Now, in the latest New York Times poll, McCain trails by 14 points. So it is clear what this debate needed to be for him. [Series of news clips stating that McCain needs a game changer.] Hopefully, he can change that game to golf. Ah… that way, the lowest score wins.
- But I’m personally not worried about John McCain. The Lord is on his side. After all, John McCain’s led a very biblical life. Like his namesake Cain, he is not afraid to go negative on a brother. Like John the Baptist, he paved a way for the new messiah. And, like Moses, he takes advice from a Bush who is going up in flames.
- I cannot wait to go home and find out whether John McCain or Bob Schieffer was the first to call the other one “Pops.”
- Senators Patrick Leahy, Jay Rockefeller, and Arlen Specter have opened two separate Congressional investigations into whether the U.S. “…eavesdropped, recorded and stored the private personal phone calls of American journalists, aid workers, and soldiers serving in Iraq.” Evidently Moe, Larry, and Specter here think we’re supposed to listen only to suspected terrorists. But it’s a lot easier to listen to Americans– they speak English, duh.
- According to The Shadow Factory, in their effort to keep us safe, the NSA has listened to calls made by American soldiers and aid workers to loved ones back home– calls of an intimate nature. [“Honey, the surge is working.”] And, by intimate nature– by intimate nature, I mean nasty phone sex. [Shock & awesome!]
- Now, you can learn a lot about a person by which god’s name they cry out right before they [makes air quotes] visit the Holy Land. Personally, I like to shout my favorite verse from Leviticus: “Whatsoever parteth the hoof and is cloven-footed and cheweth the cud among the beasts, that shall ye eat. [Ladies love it!]
- Besides, listening to phone sex is a valuable tool in the war on terror, if you know how to interpret it. [Lust in translation.] For instance, let’s say over here I want to kiss your neck from behind and rub you with a loofah. Now, that may sound sexual to the untrained ear. [Or the unpaid intern.] But, just change the word “kiss” to “hide,” neck to “dirty bomb,” “rub” to “establish,” and “loofah” to “a radical fundamentalist theocracy,” and you are well on your way to uncovering a terrorist plot. [Or at least exfoliating it.]
- The Mind Sports Games include bridge, chess, go, draughts or checkers, and xiangqi, which I assume is the game where you try and guess what xiangqi is.
- Here’s the Chinese women’s xiangqi champion to give you a taste of how exciting this competition is. This is either video, or a still photograph. It is impossible to tell.
- Meanwhile, back in the States, there’s another lame sport going on, the deceptively named Escape from Berkeley Road Race. Now I’m all for any sport where the goal is escape from this liberal Gomorrah, but it turns out the point of this race isn’t to break your way out of a gay ferret rights rally at the food co-op, but to drive to Las Vegas in a vehicle powered by alternative fuels.
- Now, besides the winner, they also give out special awards, including one for “Worst idea actually made to kind of work.” Which this year went to Smokey Joe and his tongue-powered roadster.
- The Rays are in a tiny media market, they have the second lowest payroll in the league, and I believe their mascot is just some guy named Ray.
- Nevertheless, I have got to hand it to Tampa Bay, because last year they changed their name to the Rays, from their previous name, the Devil Rays. This just goes to show what is possible when your baseball team renounces Satan and personally accepts Jesus Christ as their coach and savior.
- Now you’re here to talk about your new web site, The Daily Beast. Is that about Camilla Parker Bowles?
- But I pretend I know everything, and read nothing. I’m more of a time-saver. I actually don’t read, and still claim knowledge.
- Have I been invited to the party, or am I crashing the party? And will I go home with one of the people at the party, is what I want to know.
- I’ve got a little bit of a Gergen-on. He’s great. That combover? Hel-loooo!
- You don’t need to tell me about Evelyn Waugh. I love his– her?– his? His. His satire, I love it.
- Someone else losing their job was Christmas morning for you? Is that how you celebrate Christmas in England?
- You could have a smart friend, or you could have a dumb friend who just tells you how to think. You could have that right here.
Fangirl Suit Report: Black suit, Light gray suit in barrel cuffs, Navy/light blue/periwinkle striped tie.
Related posts
