They weren’t booing at Sarah Palin at that hockey game, the crowd was just getting into the Halloween spirit. Boo! This is The Colbert Report!”
Long John Slanders: “Tonight! Critics are wondering what happened to the old John McCain. Wait a minute, there’s an older John McCain?”- Paul Krugman’s Nobel Prize
The Word: P.O.W.
Sarah Plain and Flawed: “Then, Newsweek publishes an unflattering picture of Sarah Palin. Luckily, Joe Sixpack is always wearing beer goggles.”
- Tip/Wag – Palin’s Newsweek Cover
- Wag: Newsweek Magazine
- Wag: Election officials in Rensselaer County, New York
- Tip: Kitty station-masters
Nobel Savaged: “And my guest tonight is two-time Nobel prize winning economist Joseph Stiglitz. Ladies, control yourselves.”
- Joseph Stiglitz – Two-time Nobel Prize winner and economist
THE COLBERT BUMP – YOU’RE GETTING IT:Joseph Stiglitz – The Three Trillion Dollar War: The True Cost of the Iraq Conflict
In closing: “That’s it for the Report everybody. Good night.”
Video Highlight:
Tip/Wag – Palin’s Newsweek Cover – Stephen wags his finger at Newsweek for its unflattering close-up of Sarah Palin.
R.A.P.S. – Click here to talk about the episode!
NOTABLE MOMENTS � Video links and more after the fold!
More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website
- Intro – 10/14/08: Critics wonder what happened to the old John McCain. Wait a minute, there’s an older John McCain?
- Paul Krugman’s Nobel Prize: Paul Krugman’s Nobel Prize really belongs to Bill O’Reilly.
- The Word – P.O.W.: After the events of the last eight years, there is no denying the next president will be a POW.
- Joseph Stiglitz: Joseph Stiglitz explains why the economic crisis won’t end just because the stock market does well.
- Good Night: That’s it for the Report, everybody.
NOTABLE MOMENTS
- Nation, I’m cautious but relieved. Yesterday, the Dow Jones jumped 936 points. Today it fell only 76 points, which means I believe we are up 860 points, as long as you don’t count last week.
- And in yet another sign that the market is stabilizing, Jim Cramer’s staff has glued his head back together.
- Krugman won a Nobel prize? For what, looking like a Swedish gnome?
- [Begins to fake vomit] I’m sorry, I just Krugmaned in my mouth a little bit. [Gags for another 5 seconds or so until I start gagging in sympathy]
- Get him Papa Bear! I’d say that’s a win. So according to the transitive property of Nobel Prizes, Paul Krugman’s Nobel Prize really belongs to Bill O’Reilly, and I know that’s true because I already updated his Wikipedia page.
- She’s right. Who is Barack Obama? All we know about him is the information provided by his two autobiographies, 25 primary debates, 2 presidential debates, and 20 months of media scrutiny. We don’t even know his favorite ice cream to share with Bill Ayers. But I am guessing Death by Chocolate by Association.
- He could be a prisoner of the economy. This was supposed to be an election decided on foreign policy, and he is an expert on that stuff. [When Lieberman Whispers In His Ear.]
- Maybe folks, he’s a prisoner of his own reputation. Being a “maverick” means he has to take huge risks, like choosing an unknown woman for V.P. and suspending his campaign. [And Throwing Stones From His Seven Glass Houses]
- He’s saying we’re all prisoners now, and maybe we are. [Actually, Prisoners Get More Exercise] Maybe we’re prisoners of the money we lost, prisoners of the war we’re winning, prisoners of the energy we consume, and prisoners of our worse fears. [Plus, The Two Million Prisoners Of Prisons] So, if that’s the case, why shouldn’t a prisoner lead us? Because whether McCain or Obama wins, after the events of the last eight years, there is no denying that the next president will be a POW [Prisoner of W.]
- Folks, that is not a mustache, it is just blowback fur from her last moose kill.
- [Tantaros: "It highlights every imperfection that every human being has."] Exactly! How dare Newsweek portray Sarah Palin as a human being?! She is an angel come straight from heaven to save John McCain’s by using her wings to fan the flames of bloodthirsty crowds!
- And sure when our old leaders fell asleep at the wheel, we got this: [Graph of Dow Jones dropping 2000 points]. But when our our new leaders fall asleep, we’ll get this: [Video of kitten falling asleep] Oh god! That’s the most adorable financial disaster I’ve ever seen.
- Another friend of the show, Paul Krugman, won the Nobel Prize today, and are you not just a little bit pissed off? He’s trying to steal your New York economic thunder.
- Stiglitz: He’s a great economist and he deserved it.
- Stephen: Great economist? Great economist? I mean, his analysis of trade patterns and location of economic activity cannot kiss your analysis of markets of asymmetric information’s ass! I mean, yours is so much more interesting!
- You were also a part of the team who worked on Al Gore’s project.
- Stiglitz: Well, it was an intergovernmental panel on climate change and the study of climate change.
- Stephen: But all anyone ever says is that Al Gore won the Nobel prize, right? Does that piss you off a little bit? [Stiglitz laughs] That he gets all the groupies?
- Stiglitz: [Laughs] No, no I’m fine.
- Stephen: You’re fine?
- Stiglitz: Fine.
- Stephen: You don’t want any groupies? Are there Nobel groupies by the way? [Audience cheers] Don’t tell Mrs. Stiglitz that the Nobel groupies are here tonight
- Are you saying you can’t make a profit off the war, because I have some Haliburton stock to sell you.
- Stiglitz: A lot of people have made money off the war, the contractors. You know, one of the things they’ve been doing is shipping sand from Kuwait into Iraq.
- Stephen: There’s a sand shortage in Iraq?
- Stiglitz: Evidently, our contractors have figured out another way of making money by shipping sand into Iraq.
- Stephen: Wow, that’s like shipping bulls@!t to Washington.
Fangirl Suit Report: Navy blue suit with bright white shirt, barrel cuff, tie with light blue and navy diagonal stripes, WristStrong bracelet.
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