The names in this broadcast have been changed to protect the innocent. This is The Molbert Report!”
Smear Talk Express: “Tonight, how can John McCain win this election? Two words – Colbert Bump!”
- Dismayed Stockbroker Photos
- Campaign Personal Attacks – David Gergen
Rock, Paper, Winners: “And, I look at this year’s nominees for this year’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Congratulations, Captain – suck it, Tennille!”
- Who’s Not Honoring Me Now? – Nepal
Everybody Must Watch Stone: “Plus, Director Oliver Stone is here to talk about his new film, “W”. I believe it’s a prequal to Spike Lee’s “X”.”
- Oliver Stone – Director, “W”
THE COLBERT BUMP – YOU’RE GETTING IT:
In closing: “Well, bad news everybody. Good night.”
Who’s Not Honoring Me Now? – Nepal
What does a three-year-old Nepalese living goddess have that Stephen doesn’t?
NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!
More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website
- Full Episode – Thursday October 9, 2008
- Intro – 10/09/08: How can John McCain win this election? Two words: Colbert Bump!
- Dismayed Stockbroker Photos: With the economy falling this fast, we are soon going to face a shortage of dismayed stockbroker photos.
- Campaign Personal Attacks – David Gergen: David Gergen says with the stock market where it is, voters don’t want to hear about Bill Ayers or Charles Keating.
- Oliver Stone: Stephen asks Oliver Stone if he’s finished in Hollywood now that he’s portrayed the president empathetically in “W.”
- Bad News: Stephen has some bad news.
- In case you haven’t heard, it was a rough day on the stock market; drumroll… evidently we can no longer afford a drumroll.
- Everybody else just calm down, this financial meltdown will affect you only if you own a house, or are paid in currency.
- Nation, Tuesday’s debate should have been a home run for John McCain. I mean, he introduced a massive, unexplained plan for buying back mortgages, and he hammered Obama on the one issue we all care about: the rising price of planetarium projectors.
- So Senator McCain remember, you are the elder statesmen. It is time to grit your teeth, grab a fistful of feces, and sling them like an angry monkey. Just take a page from your running mate, and your mate mate.
- She [Cindy McCain] is so cold, Eskimos have one hundred and fifty words for her.
- Here to defend his view that personal attacks are not the way to win this campaign, is the director of the Center for Public Leadership at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, and, lesbian meth king, David Gergen
- From the David Gergen interview
- Stephen: They want to hear a positive message?
David: Oh absolutely.
Stephen: What is McCain just said “I am positive Obama is a terrorist?”
- Stephen: I think something positive could come out of this mudslinging. If we could just move the mudslinging down to the Mexican Border, we could build an adobe wall in no time.
- I don’t see why you chosen people need a entire day to forgive yourself for your sins, I can do it in three appletinis.
- Recently I was snubbed for one of their [The MacArthur Foundation] precious genius grants. Instead the $5,000 went to people like Jazz musician, Miguel Zenon. Big mistake, never give money to Jazz musicians. They’re just going to blow it on heroin and berets. And take a listen to Mr Zenon’s genius saxophone-ing…. excuse me, it is not genius level jazz if it sounds like music. Take it from Pulitzer Prize winning saxophonist, Ornette Coleman…. God! that is unbearable, ergo, it must be “good”.
- Critiques loved us [Stephen and The Colberts]. In fact, one judge called it the catchiest tune he’d ever admitted into evidence.
- But what really chaps my deer like thighs, is that the new goddess here will only stay a goddess until she reaches childbearing age. Hey Nepal, you know who will never reach childbearing age? This guy.
- From the Oliver Stone interview
- Stephen: I saw this film last night, thank you for sending it to me, I’m distributing it on the internet. This is a very evenhanded film about President Bush. I thought you were some biased left-wing nut-job, and it turns out you are a very evenhanded left wing nut-job.
- Oliver: I would go further than you, and I think you are one of the brightest guys i’ve seen on TV, but I would go further.
Stephen: Thank you, you evidently watch Fox News.
Oliver: Fox News? yeah I love Fox News, and big papa, he’s my man.
- Stephen: Are you done, first of all incredible performance, are you done in Hollywood now, because you have portrayed The President empathetically, and you know those liberals are going to take you right off their party lists now.
ManFan Suit Report: Charcoal gray suit, Light blue pastel shirt with French Cuffs, Maroon and cream colored striped tie, WristSTRONG bracelet.