Episode 4113 (9/4/2008)

Warning: I may contain more than a trace amount of nut. This is The Colbert Report!”

Street Fighting Neighbor: “Tonight, hockey mom Sarah Palin delivers a rousing speech at the Republican Convention, though she was given five minutes for high-sticking”

  • Sarah Palin is music to the Republicans’ ears

Convention-al Warfare: “And the Republicans dish up more red meat, if you count human sacrifice.”

Paul Buster: “Then former Presidential candidate Ron Paul sits down with former Presidential candidate Stephen Colbert.”

Ron PaulThe Revolution: A Manifesto

In closing: “Well that’s it for the Report. Join us tomorrow when hopefully…..oh sh*t, my flight!”

Video Highlight:

Adam Brickley
Adam Brickley explains how he influenced the direction of American politics from his mom’s house.

R.A.P.S. – Click here to talk about the episode!

NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!

More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website

  • Stuck in Atlanta Airport: Stephen misses John McCain’s acceptance speech because he’s stuck in the Atlanta airport.
  • Adam Brickley: Adam Brickley explains how he influenced the direction of American politics from his mom’s house.
  • Tip/Wag – RNC Edition: Cindy McCain’s dress is clearly influenced by Stephen’s John McCain Green Screen Challenge.
  • Ron Paul: Ron Paul would have had to give up everything he believes in to speak at the RNC.
  • Flight out of Atlanta:


  • Well, last night I vowed to make it back to St. Paul for John McCain’s acceptance speech tonight which is why I’m here in the Atlanta airport. I uh….I missed my connection. I tried to get there on the 3:14 but it was delayed…um…
  • [Eating a Cinnabun] I think I have diabetes
  • [Sarah Palin’s] speech last night was like the Gettysburg Address crossed with “I Have A Dream…” and a swift kick in the balls.
  • [Laughing hysterically] …community organizer! They get kids off drugs! His life exemplifies the American dream! He came from nothing and he worked really hard! And now he’s this close to being the first black President! …..but seriously folks, 9/11.
  • And you can trust Senator Lieberman about John McCain’s health. Remember, for the past year, he has had his entire head inside McCain’s ass.
  • We know nothing about Barack Obama, only that he can give a great speech. And that is not enough. By the way Governor Palin, great speech last night.
  • My only quibble is that Palin was so dynamic that she might have pulled focus away from……help me out, old guy….votes with Bush 95% of the time but still calls himself a Maverick.
  • After McCain announced the pick Friday, Governor Palin and her husband called Brickley and personally thanked him for his tenacity. Then she asked him what the Vice President does.
  • Interview with Adam Brickley
    • Stephen: It is always a pleasure to meet a young conservative. Someone that is filled with a hope that nothing will ever change in the future. What was it about Sarah Palin that excited you or were you just searching for Arctic Beauty Queen on the internet?
    • Stephen: What’s amazing to me about this is that you started this as a college student, correct? So what people criticize blogs for often is that they’re just an echo-chamber that doesn’t actually change or influence anything. You actually influenced the direction of American politics from your college dorm room.
    • Brickley: Well actually it was from my mom’s house which is even worse.
    • Stephen: Now that you’re a king-maker, have you thought of making colbertforheadoffcc.blogspot.com
    • Brickley: See the key to the whole thing is that we had a semi-unknown figure and I’m not sure we could do that with you.
    • Stephen: I’m too big already for you to help?
    • Brickley: I’m not sure you need the help of small-time bloggers like me.
    • Stephen: I’ll take everything I can get, it’s basic cable, my friend.
  • Nation, put your hand over your heart and repeat after me, I pledge allegiance to the WAG of the United States of America! This is Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger!
  • That’s Fred Thompson for ya. He won’t stick a daisy on a turd and sell it twice. It’s like that old saying, before you peach pickin’, make sure your giblets are dry, your trout-sack is brimmin’, whip the lumps out your gravy, and don’t let your sly eye ricochet off the silver in a hobo’s pocket. Am I right? Evidently, I am right.
  • Clearly inspired from my John McCain green screen challenge, Cindy McCain wore a stunning chroma-key dress.
  • Stunning and fitting. Because when comes to what a woman should do with her body, no one knows better than Republicans.
  • My guest tonight is a former Republican Presidential candidate who wasn’t invited to speak at the convention. I’ll ask him how he would’ve mocked Obama’s service.
  • Interview with Ron Paul
    • Stephen: Now you may not be the Republican Presidential candidate in ’08. What about in ’09?
    • Paul: In ’09 we’ll probably have a better chance.
    • Stephen: But just because you weren’t welcome, that’s no reason not to speak. I mean, certainly Bush spoke and he was not welcome. Could you have gotten a slot if you played ball with those guys?
    • Paul: Yes.
    • Stephen: What would it have meant to you? What would you had to have given up?
    • Paul: Everything I believed in.
    • Stephen: So just like everybody else.
    • Paul: Once in a while you’ll run into somebody who goes to Washington and gets involved because they believe in something, and it’s confusing.
    • Stephen: You’re a Libertarian.
    • Paul: I believe in liberty, a lot of people do.
    • Paul: We’ve had floods in my Congressional District and [FEMA] got in the way. They chase you out if you’re a landowner. They take your guns from you.
    • Stephen: Wait a second, they take your guns? So you’re sittin’ there trying to shoot the flood and they come and take your guns away from you?!

ManFan Suit Report: Grey suit with white shirt, red tie, WRISTstrong bracelet.

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