Episode 4108 (8/27/08)

“Hey Democrats! I’m getting a little nervous that you haven’t invited me to speak at your convention yet. Joke’s over, guys. This is The Colbert Report!”

Give ‘Em Hil: “Tonight, Hillary Clinton declares her strong belief in Obama. I hear there’s already Oscar buzz.”

It’s The Stupid Economy: “Then, the Democrats say the economy’s doing poorly. It’s gotten so bad they’re all forced to share the same talking points.”

• Economic Success Story: Scott O’Brien, repossessor in Harrisburg, PA

Huckabee Hound: “And, my guest Mike Huckabee now works for Fox News. I can’t wait to see how he looks as a buxom blonde.”

In closing: “Nation, recently America lost a great public servant and a good friend of the show, Ohio Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones, who passed away last week. She was a champion for fair elections, civil rights, and ethics reform, and one of the members of Congress I interviewed on my very first day in Washington for this show. Representative Tubbs Jones was such an It-getter we gave her her own spin-off. And in tribute to the congresswoman, we’d like to show it to you one last time. [Better Know A District: Judge Tubbs] Madame, thank you for letting us get to Better Know you. Good night, everybody.”

Video Highlight: Stephanie Tubbs Jones Tribute – Stephen pays tribute to Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones by replaying her spin-off: Judge Tubbs.

R.A.P.S. – Click here to talk about the episode!

NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!

More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website

• Intro – 8/27/08: Hillary Clinton declares her strong belief in Barack Obama. Stephen hears there’s already Oscar buzz.
• Live From Dynasty: Stephen proves he’s in Denver by showing the intro to ‘Dynasty.’
• Hillary Clinton Supports Barack Obama: Hillary Clinton is clearly behind the candidacy of not John McCain.
• Repo Man: Democrats may see the glass as half empty, but the repo men see that you are behind payments on that glass.
• Mike Huckabee: Mike Huckabee doesn’t want Barack Obama to be president, but he’s proud that he’s the Democratic nominee.

NOTABLE MOMENTS

• Yes, it’s just another typical day here in Denver. . . Denver Colorado. . . the city where I am.
• *haha Dynasty theme!*
• The altitude’s really getting to me here. I shouldn’t drink so much a mile high, here.
• Mmmmm! That is beginning to look like marshmallow fluff. Oh – could I go for a Styronutter sandwich right now. Maybe later.
• That little girl was in fact not the real Sasha Obama. We now have a picture of Barack Obama’s actual daughter. Jimmy? That’s right. So sad. It was actually the same hideous Chinese girl who was replaced in the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. That girl is everywhere.
• Of course, the feel-good story of this convention continues to be whether Hillary Clinton supporters will tear Barack Obama limb from limb, or simply devour him whole.
• Come on, Democratic party, play along! If your party does not implode, we’ll have to go with our backup scandal. Ed Rendell is a tranny. *image of Ed Rendell with makeup and a wig* Hello. I thought we were going to put up a picture of Ed Rendell. Not this lovely lady right here.
• Awkward! *smiles, pushes it down with his fingers*
• That sounds sad. Until you remember that kid grew up to become one of our nation’s greatest anecdotes.
• Then Senator Clinton delivered what many thought was the line of the night. “It makes perfect sense that George Bush and John McCain will be together next week in the Twin Cities because these days they’re awfully hard to tell apart!” That is ridiculous! They are easy to tell apart! Only one of them still wants to be president.
• There you go! Rift healed. She is clearly 100% behind the candidacy of Not John McCain.
• Now of course, to judge convention speeches, I always turn to Bill Kristol. Monday night, he said this – *audience laughs* – I am not the only Bill Kristol fan here tonight.
• What a wordsmith. Kristol’s description of Democratic speeches are so. . . what’s the word. Interchangeable. . . nondescript, a cheap knockoff of a brand-name product. . . it’ll come to me.
• Welcome back to Denver, where later I am going skiing, ’cause that’s what we do here in Denver.
• That’s right. America is nothing like Belarus. America’s unemployment rate is 5.7 percent. Belarus’s unemployment rate is 1.1 percent. Take that, Democrats!
• O’Brien: Only in the United States you can legally steal a car and get paid for it.
• O’Brien: I even repossessed somebody’s hearing aid. I did. The guy come up, I knocked on the door, I says *unintelligible*, the guy says ‘what?’ and I took it right out of his ear. *laughs*
• O’Brien: I’m speaking for all repo men, Bush, we’re gonna miss you buddy.
• You see, Democrats? You may see the glass as half empty, but the repo men see that you are behind payments on that glass.
• *HAHA he kept the ski boots on!*
• You offered to make me your VP candidate if you got the nod from the Republicans. Could you make me your vice speechmaker in Minneapolis? ‘Cause you could do like 20 and I’ll do 5, you know.
• Huckabee: You know, it couldn’t hurt me, I mean after all, you see what me naming you VP did for me in the presidential race.
• Stephen: Well said, well said. I could give your speech the Colbert Bump.
• Huckabee: So he ended up picking Joe Biden, which is kind of like going into Baskin Robbins and ordering vanilla. He went safe! He said, ‘you know, what’s the simple flavor here?’
• Stephen: Vanilla’s not a euphemism for white, is it?
• Huckabee: No, no, no, no. Oh god, no.
• Huckabee: If he [McCain] doesn’t pick you, I think he’s going after Hillary.
• They? They are we, now. You work for Fox News, and I’ve been a pundit for years. Don’t try to distance yourself from your own profession now, sir.
• Let me point something out. You believe the Constitution should be changed to conform with God’s law, correct?
• Huckabee: Well, what I believe is, and here’s what I mean, is that we should make the Constitution what it really reflects in terms of our values. That’s what the Constitution is about. It is a document that the genius of it is, that we can change it. That’s the beauty of it.
• Stephen: You appeal to everyone. Why not put you on the ticket? McCain goes over the top.
• Huckabee: Wow, when you put it like that, I’m sure he’s going to be calling me late tonight!
• What do you think next week is going to be the euphemism of choice to describe Barack Obama as black? Is it going to be “new”, “untested”, “celebrity”?
• Huckabee: As a Republican, I gotta tell ya, I am proud that our country is at a point where Barack Obama has gotten this nomination not because of his race or even in spite of it, but I think with indifference to it. We’re still a long way where we need to be as a country in terms of dealing with racism, but we have at least come far enough, and I’m glad I’ve lived long enough to see this moment. Now I don’t want to vote for him and I don’t want him to be president because of a lot of other issues, but race – race has nothing to do with it. I am happy for the country and I am glad for him.

Fangirl Suit Report:Black suit, white shirt with French cuffs, golden yellow tie, WristStrong bracelet, ski boots.