Episode 4088 (07/15/2008)

I’m like my own All-Star game, in that tonight I’m also not trying very hard. This is The Colbert Report!”

Caracas Talk: “Tonight, is Venezuela becoming such a grave threat that we’re going to have to learn how to spell it?”

• New Yorker magazine cover
• Miss Universe contest and the power of Venezuela

Desk guest: Julia E. Sweig (Council on Foreign Relations) – Author “Friendly Fire”

Meet Your Difference Maker: “Then, I name another difference maker. Is it you? [No.]”

• Difference Maker: Donald Trump

Gripe of Riley: “Plus, my guest, author Jason Riley, says America should have open borders. Fine, he’s free to leave.”

• Jason Riley – Author, “Let Them In”

THE COLBERT BUMP – YOU’RE GETTING IT:

Julia E. Sweig – Friendly Fire: Losing Friends and Making Enemies in the Anti-American Century
Jason Riley – Let Them In: The Case for Open Borders

In closing: “Well, folks, that is it for the Report. Stay tuned for ‘The Stephen Colbert Show’ only on select cable systems. Good Night.”

Video Highlight:

The New Yorker Cover
Stephen thinks The New Yorker cover of Barack Obama dressed like a Muslim terrorist fist bumping his wife is funny, because it’s true.

NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!

More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website

• Full Episode Video – Tuesday July 15, 2008
• Intro – 7/15/08 : Is Venezuela becoming such a grave threat that we’re going to have to learn how to spell it?
• Julia E. Sweig : As South America becomes more independent and powerful, Stephen asks Julia E. Sweig if we have to start caring about soccer.
• Difference Makers – Donald Trump: Donald Trump is a reclusive patriot who has the courage and generosity to erect a huge flagpole.
• Jason Riley : Stephen asks Jason Riley if he’s afraid a Mexican will take over his job on the editorial board of The Wall Street Journal.

NOTABLE MOMENTS

• I am torn here, on the one hand I like this because I finally understand a cartoon in the New Yorker. It’s funny because it’s true.
• What?! I want to point out, he didn’t say The Colbert Report. He said The Stephen Colbert show. Well thanks, Hendrick, for blowing the surprise about my new weekly comedy variety hour, “The Stephen Colbert Show.” I already shot the pilot. I do it all – dance, sing, ice skate, contort, and do ‘Who’s On First’ with Charro.
• I don’t even know why the Ferengis even bother entering anymore.
• No! How could they do that! I mean look at her, she’s so … ugly?
• Mr. Chavez, the first rule of international diplomacy, he who smelt it dealt it.
• I have to do all that in half an hour.
• And no, folks, you weren’t seeing things just then, those were cattle in the background. He actually started with more cows, but he likes to work through lunch.
• Stephen: What can we do to take him out? Is there anything, like, can we funnel guns to the Contras or something, is that still an option at this point? Sweig: It’s very 1980’s … Stephen: Yeah, but, you know, Ollie North is still around over at Fox …
• Stephen: What can we do to keep Brazil on our side? Would it help if I wore a thong?
• [Editor's note: Mauve pronounded Mowve? Isn't it Mawve?]
• And that … you’re kidding, right? It’s not done yet? …
• There, whew, man I am spent.
• Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about – 400 square feet of freedom. Enough to park 3 Hummers. Wtih room to spare for 345 large orders of fries.
• But Mr. Trump refuses to sit on the back of this bus. Thankfully, he has a limo.
• Interview with Jason Riley:
• Stephen: Is this like the New Yorker cover, is this meant to be a joke that people aren’t getting it?
• Riley: I wrote this book to respond to the sort of nonsense nightly on Lou Dobbs and Bill O’Reilly in regards to immigration. Stephen: You watch your mouth, sir.
• Stephen: Is it a crime? I accept your apology.
• Stephen: Why do I have to press 1 to speak English? That time I waste pressing 1? I could be spending that time with my kids.
• Stephen: Aren’t you afraid that a Mexican will come here and take over your job on the editorial board of the Wall Street Journal?

Fangirl Suit Report: Dark bluish charcoal suit, slightly pastel blue shirt with barrel cuffs, Bubble Gum pink tie with small dotted pattern. [Editor's Note: LOVE the pink tie!!]

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