How did Stephen Colbert injure his face?
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It’s the question of the day: What happened? What’s the real story behind Stephen’s shocking stitches, black eyes and other telltale signs of face violence? I initially assumed that he engaged in fisticuffs with these Godless Killing Machines but, like everyone else, I could only speculate.
Luckily for us, the very cool Videogum worked some connections to give us the real story:
What Really Happened To Stephen Colbert’s Face
So last night Stephen Colbert showed up with a messed-up face on The Colbert Report, where he was cagey about the provenance of his stitches and shiners in a way that made everyone a lot more curious about it. Stephen celebrated the one-year anniversary of WristStrong (how convenient!) and blamed his face-bustedness on a vow he made to never again break a fall with his hands:
. . .
I know some people at Comedy Central so I asked them what the gossip was around the office, and they all came back with similar versions of the same shocking story …
EDITED TO ADD: All kidding aside, check out comment 12 to this post. Hope everything’s back to normal soon, Stephen!
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33 Comments
June 24th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
This is what I figured, but it’s good to get some confirmation on the matter.
: )
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June 24th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
LOL!
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June 24th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I CALLED IT!!
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June 24th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
so that’s what happened!!!!! :o
that’s horrible!
lol.
thanks for sharing. it made my day.
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June 24th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I noticed the link was: Posted by Lindsay at 1:51 PM in Late Night
Sounds like a Lindsay Lohan type of accident — or maybe Lindsay was there when it happened. ;D
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June 24th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Wrong Lindsay, but it *does* sound like something “LiLo” might be familiar with.
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June 24th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Clearly, they are not a fun thing to do.
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June 24th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Such a simple remark, yet so hilarious!
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June 24th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
“Cocaine is one hell of a drug.”
- Dave Chappelle
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June 24th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Here’s my speculation… It looks like it’s from an air-bag… He was using his new iPhone in his convertible when he ran into a bear! The airbag deployed… The stitches on the bridge of the nose are from the snapping of the bridge of the “Joe Kool” mirrored shades he was wearing…
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June 24th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
He bumped his face on a biscuit.
Clearly.
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June 24th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Hahaha! I love SWC references. That has to be what happened. I think Geoffrey would agree with you.
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June 30th, 2008 at 10:17 am
That or he dropped it down the stairs ;)
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June 24th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Ok…this is officially the most hilarious thing ever. Mr. Colbert, I salute you and your debauchery.
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June 24th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Good one. We’ll probably never know the real reason, but whatever the reason is, I hope he gets better soon. Stitches suck, big time.
I think Wexler would agree that in this situation, cocaine and prostitutes are definitely *not* a fun thing to do. Although, clearly, speculating about how Stephen was injured definitely is. : p
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June 24th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Lindsay posted a comment on her article… take it for what you will.
And I quote:
As an apology for this fake-out, the real rumor is “boating accident.”
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June 24th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
That makes perfect sense (poor Stephen!), but I think her earlier line was hilarious.
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June 24th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I totally agree!
(And I may or may not have totally turned it into my Facebook status…)
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June 24th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
If that’s the case, I’d say someone didn’t duck in time to miss the boom.
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June 24th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Aww! That sucks, and if it was a boating accident and it was the boom, we’re (and he’s) damn lucky, could have killed him! D:
I don’t think I could have handled George AND Stephen in one weekend!
Makes me think back to one of my old characters though… She had an eye patch and I always said she lost her eye in a boating accident…
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June 24th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
To avoid that injury in the future always make sure they take off the stilletto heels before they get into the pile!
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June 29th, 2008 at 6:24 am
And store all cocaine overhead or plant on nearest congressman. Alternatively in head and in congressman.
Ewww…
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June 24th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
This is what I think, that the floor on his yacht was wet and he slipped face forward. Or he was roughing it up with his kids and falled in the house. I hope we can find the truth. And Stephen get well love and be more careful.
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June 24th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Unless Stephen’s face was injured while he was doing something work related, I doubt we will ever know how he got hurt. Out of respect for his privacy, I haven’t wanted to speculate about what happened. I have to admit though, I’m enjoying the fake speculations going on in this thread.
My guess is that a bear hurt Stephen. After all, we know that bears are the number one threat to America. They are also godless killing machines.
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June 25th, 2008 at 9:46 am
You’ve always got to suspect bears had a hand in it somehow.
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June 24th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
cuz both those things are such fun things to do!
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June 24th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Stephen went to space this weekend as Tek Jansen and got his face nicked by a laser bullet while on a super dangerous intergalactic mission.
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June 25th, 2008 at 12:03 am
It also looks like it could have been from a dancing accident… RAIN!!!
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June 25th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Stephen got hurt defending the Constitution from an angry mob of gay couples, flag burners and the liberal media. :)
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June 25th, 2008 at 3:18 am
Jon Stewart attacked him with a pineapple.
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June 27th, 2008 at 1:06 am
….wrastlin a bear…
BEARS! The number 1 threadown!
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June 27th, 2008 at 3:56 am
Connan OBrain tacked him into Jon Stewart’s kneecap causing a massive explosion that injured his head
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July 9th, 2008 at 12:30 am
He was attacked by a robot bear!!
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