“I always say, ‘If you can’t beat ‘em, report ‘em to Homeland Security.’ They’ll beat ‘em for you. This is The Colbert Report!”
Hill Freezes Over: “Tonight, Hillary Clinton concedes defeat in the Democratic Party… and then announces she’s running as a Republican? (Please!) ”
- The Democralypse-ocalypse Now: The Depressing De-Cannibalization of the Democratic Despairscape.
- Southern heritage
The Wørd: If At First You Don’t Secede
Southern Discomfort: “Then, controversy over a giant Confederate Flag in Tampa. And excitement over a giant White Sale in St. Petersburg!”
- ThreatDown!
- 5. Albatrosses!
- 4. Naked People!
- 3. T-Shirts!
- 2. High Class Vermin!
- 1. Secret Negro Presidents!
Weiss Swapping: “Plus, my guest Philip Weiss says men are not instinctively monogamous. It’s his follow up to his ground breaking theory that the sun rises in the East.”
- Philip Weiss, investigative reporter
In closing: “Good Night” [with Happy Wave]
Video Highlight:
- The Word – If At First You Don’t Secede: Critics claim the Confederate flag is racist, but they’re just citizens of the Confederacy’s longtime rival, the United States of America.
NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!
More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website
The full episode is available here for 4 weeks.
- Daily/Colbert – Keep Cool: Toss – Stephen urges everyone to stay cool or they’ll drive the temperatures up for the rest of us.
- Intro – 6/09/08: Hillary Clinton concedes defeat in the Democratic Party and then announces she’s running as a Republican.
- Democralypse Now – Hillary Concedes: Hillary Clinton drops out of the Democratic race and Stephen loses his best frenemy.
- ThreatDown – Secret Negro Presidents: John McCain could turn out to be our first straight, white male president.
- Philip Weiss: Stephen asks Philip Weiss if variety in your sexual married life means the missionary position with a bunch of different hats.
NOTABLE MOMENTS
- After the events of the last week, I am numb. And not just because of the botox. I inject myself. I don’t need some doctor with a fancy degree to shoot poison in my face.
- I have lost my best Frenemy.
- [Has fingers in ear and is Ululating while listening to Hillary Clinton's concession speech] Is it over? By the way, that’s the same way I watched my child’s birth. It was beautiful.
- Taxing, spending, entertaining – she does it.
- You see? This campaign would have been over months ago if someone had just offered her a bottle of Poland Springs and a Barkalounger.
- So long, Democralypse. I’ll never love two people hating each other like that again.
- I believe John McCain actually fought at Gettysburg.
- I’m from South Carolina and I am proud of my Southern heritage. I always get choked up watching Gone With The Wind and Larry The Cable Guy. You, Sir, get ‘er done – in here.
- As ‘Sons of Confederate Veterans’ these guys must be over 110 years old. [Explains 1890's Values]
- You can’t miss it – it’s right off of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd exit. One can only imagine what Dr. Martin Luther King, himself, might say. ["I Have An Upset Stomach"]
- Most critics are just citizens of the Confederacy’s long time rival – [Reality?] The United States of America.
- They don’t understand the Confederate Flag’s unique history. [Used To Be A Dude]
- Sure, it was a symbol of segregation in the ’20s and the ’30s and ’40s and the ’50s and the ’60s and a little bit of the ’70s. [Till The Duke Boys Set It Free] But, before that, the flag was just an innocent banner of a violent revolt that killed more American soldiers than every other American war combined. And the revolt was not entirely about slavery. [Just 3/5ths Of It] Besides, it all happened so long ago, who even remembers who enslaved who? Come on – everyone knows the Confederate flag merely represents Southern cultures. [Like A Swastika Says "Oktoberfest!"]
- They have no choice. If there’s no flag there, how can Southerners remember they live in the South? [Pork In Fruit Salad?]
- Personally, I forget I’m from the South all the time. I grew up in South Carolina – what happened to my accent? [Jon Stewart Beat It Out Of Him]
- Putting up a 1,500 square foot Confederate flag actually fights discrimination – discrimination against flags. [The Prefer "Cloth-Americans"]
- We have a couple of flags. So, why should the Confederate flag have to sit in the back of the flag bus? [Oh, My God]
- To this day, school children are forced to pledge allegiance to only one flag. To fight this prejudice against Southern heritage, may I now propose these modest changes to our Pledge of Allegiance?
- I pledge allegiance to a couple of flags of the United / Confederate States of America. And to the Republic for which they stand, or stand against, one Nation, until further notice, Indivisible, for the time being, with liberty and justice for all. [Or Y'All]
- Albatrosses: These upmarket seagulls have long been a menace to one of my key demographics – ancient mariners.
- That’s right folks – Albatresbians. Look, I don’t care if these lady birds practice there deviant beak dipping in the privacy of their remote rocky crags, but it’s another thing when they flaunt their Sapho-Avian agenda on American soil. We can’t have our baby seabirds growing up to become Indigo Gulls.
- They are so much of a threat, Jimmy – blur the blur. Still kinda hot.
- We’ve all hired nude help – last weekend I had my driveway repaved. You’d be amazed at all the places asphalt can stick.
- I’ve said it a thousand times, folks: Never trust the naked. They’re always after something – usually clothes.
- Look at this little criminal. Ooooh. He’s so innocent and helpless! I guess I better give him food and shelter and pay for his education and cater to his every whim until he has robbed me of my youth.
- Babies – I am on to you. You know what else? Turns out, when you cover your eyes, I don’t disappear. I’m not falling for that one again.
- If you need anymore proof that novelty T-shirts are in league with Terrorists, need I remind you what Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was wearing when he was arrested? [Mustache Rides: 2 Dinars]
- Mice have developed a taste for high culture. That’s all New York needs – more elitists.
- Just take a page from the Pied Piper. Just take a radio tuned to NPR and drag it through the city streets and then toss it into the Hudson River. The mice will follow if you tell them there is a free ‘This American Life’ tote bag down there.
- To recap: John McLaughlin just reveled the bombshell that Warren G. Harding was a Negro.
- I have always had my suspicions about Warren G. Harding. Little known fact: the ‘G’ stands for ‘Gangsta’. Thank you, Wikipedia.
- If it was a rumor spread during a Presidential campaign, you know it’s got to be true. For instance, while John Kerry was not being wounded on his Swift boat, he was actually fathering John McCain’s illegitimate black child who grew up to be a secret Muslim named Barack Obama.
- Now that Harding is black, more Presidential revelations are sure to come to light. For instance, James Buchanan was our only bachelor President and therefore are first Gay President. And Franklin Pierce was quite possibly our first woman President and our first Lesbian President.
- Jon McCain could turn out to be our first straight white male President. So vote McCain and make history.
- My guest tonight has written that men are not instinctively monogamous, and it’s true – I love my wife and my country.
- For women, sex is just part of the nesting instinct. There is nothing sexual about it – they respond to our pheromones and wish to breed.
- The Creationists psychologists tell us something different – they’re called Priests.
- We know why Spitzer did it – it’s because he was on this show right before he set up that liaison so I, obviously, turned him on. Not his fault.
- What about those of us who have a huge clutch? … Hence the phrase “If you can’t find it, grind it.”
- How do you restrain those impulses? Because I do it by yelling at people.
- Isn’t there any chance that this is just a sophisticated rationale for being a complete a$$hole?
- I’m a simple man.
- If you want to keep variety in your sexual married life, why not the missionary position with a bunch of different hats?
Fangirl Suit Report: Deep gray suit; Cream shirt with barrel cuffs; Lilac tie with sparse square dot pattern; Red WristSTRONG bracelet.
Great guide, Jennie! I loved loved loved this WØRD; perfect choice for the highlight reel.
I don’t know about you, but I thought this was very much a “Yay!” show.
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Thanks, MsI – It was a tough call on the highlight reel – the whole show was “Yay!” and I was lol’ing all through the threat down… but in the end tonight’s WØRD won out because it was just too right-on.
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Fantastic show, and The Word was just brilliant.
I personally think we may have seen a little glimpse of real Stephen last night during the Weiss interview, where he said Weiss’s argument was giving a philanderer a license to be an @$$hole. I couldn’t agree more. Well done, Stephen and “Stephen”.
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Agree with everything you said. :)
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The direct quote was: “Isn’t there any chance that this is just a sophisticated rationale for being a complete a$$hole?” As a question, not a statement.
Otherwise, didn’t anyone notice that Stephen gave Weiss a thoughtful, intellectual treatment and showed no outrage or indignation? A very commendable and interesting interview.
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Here, here. I also loved how Stephen fought Weiss’ ideas with humor at the very end of the interview when he suggested wearing many differents hats in a certain position:)
I think that’s one of Stephen’s gifts: disagreeing with humor rather than harsh words.
However, I competely loved the @$$hole comment (completely justified)and I would argue that was a declarative sentence disguised as a question.
Loved seeing the real Stephen shine through in the interview!!!! What a solid guy. Sigh.
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I’m still in shock over the [Like A Swastika Says "Oktoberfest!"] comment. My mother recently moved to Arkansas, and I was in shock when I went to a local fair and saw an entire craft booth dedicated to the Stars and Bars. Blew my mind.
I thought the interview was interesting too, because there seemed to be more, shall we say, civilized discourse than normal. It’s hard to describe – it’s like it was hard to tell when “Stephen” stopped and Stephen peeked through during the entire interview.
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The Swastika statement was really good. And it would be briskly brushed off by many here in the South. Maybe I should say ‘Deep’ South. After 20 years here, it still surprises me to walk into very nice people’s homes where they still hang pictures of Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis. I wonder what they’d say if I adorned my yankee home with pictures of Lincoln and Grant.
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I was surprised by the tone of the interview, as well. I couldn’t tell if he was tip-toeing or what… will watch it at least one more time, for sure.
As for Lincoln and Grant, they already adorn Yankee money – although I haven’t seen Grant for a while, myself.
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Oh no, Northern Aggressors on our money! Maybe that’s what is bothering some of these historians.
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Yeah, sometimes the “Old South” convictions are a bit shocking, especially when hearing them for the first time. I remember when I first moved to VA and heard the Civil War referred to as “The War of Northern Aggression”, I laughed because I assumed that the speaker must be joking. I quickly learned that he was not. Awkward!
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Haha. I grew up in northern VA and went to college in Fredericksburg, VA, but I never heard anyone say that!
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Ah, but there’s the difference: Northern VA — or as some of my classmates would have said, “The People’s Republic of Northern Virginia” — is a totally different animal than, say, the area around Richmond. :)
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The War of Northern Aggression…oh I’ve heard it all now!
While working on the Museum of Mississippi History, some historians on our Advisory Committee insisted that we call the Civil War the “War between the States”.
It’s not hard to just say no. Or now, thanks to Colbert,…I’d rather say WTF y’all!
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I was with a couple of friends in Fredericksburg, VA a few weeks ago and found many Confederate flag items in a gift shop. I was shocked and thought that the flag is usually a sign of racism, but my friends said that isn’t the case. One has grown up in Richmond, VA and the other is originally from Korea. Are Confederate flags always a blatant sign of racism? I’m confused by this. I should note that neither my friends nor I have Confederate flags ourselves:)
In short, should I just assume someone is racist if they have a Confederate flag and run the other way?
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Last night’s episode was a major win for me. It left me with a lot to mull over today.
I just returned from a week of vacation in the deep South and we actually discussed at length some of the issues presented in last night’s WORD segment. As many of you know, I grew up in the South but it still disturbs me when I return to that region and see the rebel flag on display and the shops devoted to the Stars and Bars. Believe it or not, there are still people in the South who want to secede from the US. I was actually handed literature about this topic during my trip.
I’m so happy the primary season is over but I’m going to miss the Democralypse graphic. I loved the farewell it was given last night.
I’m still in a bit of shock over Harding being called a Negro President. I hadn’t seen that clip before last night and I still cannot believe that someone actually said that.
I agree with all of the comments about the interview segment. I was thrilled to hear Stephen or “Stephen” say, “Isn’t there any chance that this is just a sophisticated rationale for being a complete a$$hole?” It needed to be said. I liked his joke about the missionary position with different hats too!
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mclaughlin was out of control with that statement. i mean, everyone knows he is kind of nuts (see Dana Carvey SNL parody) but that was over the top. my husband and i travel a lot to the south for business, and so i have been thinking a lot abou the cultural differences and racial issues too. at some point, we as a generation have to move beyond all of us.
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all of this i mean
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I think what shocked me the most was hearing someone use the term “Negro” post 1965. It was definitely spit-take worthy.
My first reaction was that it had to be satire… but then I remembered we were talking McLaughlin.
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on a lighter note… “indigo gulls” hahahaha!
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The whole albatross riff was spectacular – when they have a run of jokes like that, I can just picture them running with it in the writers meeting.
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The Wørd was beautiful
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In my original comment, I forgot to mention Stephen’s “happy wave” at the close of the show. It made me grin from ear to ear. I was also pleased to see that the IAA (ASCY!) ad was absent from the credits last night.
I loved Stephen’s outfit too!
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HI,
Does anyone know where we can see the full clip of John McLaughlin calling Warren G Harding a negro. That was crazy!
Thanks for a brilliant show!
Meagan
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I watched this at work, and although I can normally keep it quiet for the sake of my co-workers, I LOL’ed at The Word, particularly Jon Stewart beating Stephen’s Southern accent out of him. And I almost lost it at Stephen’s @$$hole comment to Phil Weiss. Plus the wave at the end made me giggle. A great show, and a major disruption to my department at work. ;)
Being from the South myself, I have my own theory about the Confederate flag. I don’t think it necessarily has to do with racism per se (although racism is rampant in many parts of the South), so much as it’s the last time the South was looked upon as a force to be reckoned with. Don’t get me wrong: the Confederate flag creeps me out and the only place it belongs is in a museum. But in an age where people make fun of southerners for being slow and backward, etc., the Confederate flag goes back to a time when the South was taken seriously. Just my two cents.
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Thanks for your insights Lucy:)
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