“Shouldn’t it be ‘No, we don’t have any bananas?’ That’s been bugging me for 75 years. This is The Colbert Report!”
Bad News Bush: “Tonight, has President Bush become a political liability? Please, the President doesn’t know the meaning of the word.”
- Counting is sexy
The Wørd: Collateral Friendage
Denver Nuggets: “Plus, the Democrats face a brokered convention. I’ll tell them how to survive – Eat Barney Frank!”
- Special Edition: Karl’s Stephen’s Sound Advice
Gunn Control: “And I’ll interview opera singer Nathan Gunn. I plan to not understand any of it, but crying anyway.”
- Nathan Gunn – Super Sexy Opera star
In closing: That’s it for the Report. Nation, don’t be a stranger. Unless you actually see me on the street, then by all means be a stranger.
VIDEO HIGHLIGHT – Sexy Voice Study – Stephen performs a scientific study with his intern Meg.
NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!
NOTABLE MOMENTS
- Turns out “a woman’s voice becomes “sexier” when she is ovulating.” You know what that means, Nation. Evidentally, I am ovulating. All the time. I mean, listen to this aural velvet. Clearly, this oven is pre-heated and ready to go.
- Where’s the control group? Women counting is always sexy. That’s why they call it foreplay. By the time she gets to four, I am ready to play. That is also why I am not allowed back in my bank. Which reminds me, I’ve forgotten to inventory my pencils today. Hey Meg, will you come over for a second, please?
- We need more pencils.
- Just look at these pictures – this one [Obama and Reverend Wright], damning, this one [McCain hugging Bush] adorable!
- Now, Americans clearly want McCain to disown the president. [Like 74% Of Them Have]
- And they are just as close as Obama is to Wright. Both pairs have shared important life events together. On October 18, 1992, Reverend Wright married the Obamas. [Called Lack Of Shrimp Puffs Governmental Conspiracy] And on August 29, 2005, the president celebrated John McCain’s birthday with him in Arizona proving that there was nothing more important in the world than making time for a friend. Not even responding to Hurrican Katrina, which destroyed New Orleans earlier that morning. [Let Them Eat Birthday Cake]
- Folks, the big primaries tonight are in North Carolina and Indiana, and by the Big, I mean the Next.
- So it looks like the Democrats are headed for a brokered convention. Yes, the party’s nominee will be decided by a smoke-filled room. Though, since this is the Democrats, it will be bong smoke.
- Karl’s first rule – Control the convention mechanism. Karl says, If you set the rules … it’s almost impossible to lose. Exactly. Control the rules, just like any other game. for instance, if you lose a vote, call takebacks. If they say no fair changies, double-touch them so they’re jinxed for two turns, unless somebody says their name three times. By the time all that happens, you’ll be accepting the nomination.
- It’s also a great way to extend an olive branch to your opponent. For instance, Hillary could offer Obama the nomination on the condition that during his acceptance speech, she burst out of his chest and take it away from him. That would get great ratings, I know that much.
- Eh, let’s go to the opera.
- That bamboo, it looks like some primative S&M gear you’re wearing. You look like a bad guy in a Batman movie.
- Do you perform *with* clothes on, or is this Opera Porn I’m looking at right now?
- Let’s say I’m right, I like it that way.
Fangirl Suit Report: Dark gray suit, Ivory shirt with French cuffs and cufflinks, Gold mustard tie with block tone-on-tone pattern.
More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website
- Intro – 5/06/08 – Has President Bush become a political liability? Please, the President doesn’t know the meaning of the word.
- The Word – Collateral Friendage – Stephen recommends that President Bush go crazy so McCain can properly disown him.
- Karl’s Stephen’s Sound Advice –
- – Stephen passes on Karl Rove’s advice on winning an election.
- Nathan Gunn – Stephen is worried that Nathan Gunn is sending the wrong message by singing opera without a shirt.
Good lord, DB! How fast do you type?!! Y’all are just amazing.
reCAPTCHA: terms wiener. I’m really not sure what to make of that at all. Maybe something to do with the upcoming elections?
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I type pretty fast. Tonight’s is a little weak, I’m beyond exhausted from staying up until 1:30a blogging last night. I need an intervention, seriously.
EDIT:
I should probably clarify. My Episode Guide was a little weak because I was/am beyond exhausted from staying up until 1:30a blogging last night (and tired again today from staying up until after midnight doing blog-related things). The show was just fine.
And I need to learn that if I go to bed at a reasonable hour, the show will be just the same in the morning on my TiVo while I eat my breakfast AND I get the added benefit of not hating life the next day from lack of sleep.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Yeah give yourself a break for awhile! I bet your fingers are hurting from typing all this up so fast! We all love you. I’d die if I did not have this site to blog on. I need an intervention as well.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
That reCAPTCHA prediction would be more revealing if there was an apostrophe in there, and it would be nice to know if it was “term’s” or “terms’.”
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I’m with you on the exhaustion, DB, but I’m definitely feeling the need to give some big love to tonight’s WØRD, first. Awesome montage of Bush clips, focus on the free ride McCain’s been getting from the MSM and just a hell of a lot of sharp writing (that was funny as hell).
“Rev. Wright baptized Obama’s children. And it’s easy to imagine George Bush baptizing John McCain’s illegitimate black baby [Conceived by Karl Rove].” Zing!
This one killed me, too: “McCain should just say that though he sat in the Senate for five years during every vote in the Iraq War, he was napping [Dreaming He Was A Maverick].”
Thanks, Stephen and writers!
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Good God woman, do you *ever* sleep?!
And I liked the bit about how he got Meg to count by getting her to list the lawsuits against him. That’s so not right on many different levels.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Heh. Lately? Not enough.
And you’re right, the bit with Meg was hilarious. I really liked the opening, too; that song is utter nonsense, but it’s definitely catchy.
The interview was also a hoot. Gunn’s face when Stephen showed all the shirtless pics was hysterical. I’ll have to keep an eye out for that performance of La Bohème. Baz Luhrman (the director who did Strictly Ballroom and Moulin Rouge) staged a cool version of that one in Sydney years ago; a very cool visual *and* aural show.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
DB, you are fast at getting that up! I hasn’t been even an hour since The Colbert Report was over!
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
They didn’t sing! *Shakes fist* How could you not sing! Not even a couple of bars of Ol’ Man River or something! Ok, so opera fans are a smaller demographic than Clouds but are we NOT HUMAN! :[ (a la Amy Sedaris) oh, woe, oh woe, woe.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I know! I was so disappointed that there was no singing, never mind shirtless singing. The pics made up for it, but still…
Also, hearing Stephen say the phrase “aural velvet” did funny things to me, in a good (but unmentionable on a family-friendly blog) way.
reCAPTCHA: where Francona. LOL. I assume he’s still managing the Red Sox.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
That Word was pretty harsh, but in my opinion pretty darn good, but you can tell the audience cringed at every bullet point aimed at Obama or Wright. But the final shot at Karl Rove was golden and clean.
An okay episode overall. I know it’s kind of hard to top Rain, but not every night can be Emmy-deserving I guess. I was surprised we got back-to-back Words, though.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Oooh, I liked this episode. Everyone gets all excited about stuff like Rain, but a strange commentary on stranger news stories or a killer Wørd … that’s the sort of thing that drew me to TCR, and that keeps me watching it.
I realize, by the way, that that was a grammatically mediocre sentence at best, but it’s two, and I’m about to go to sleep. Sorry…
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I couldn’t help but notice that a lot of the show was laced intermittently with sexually charged comments, but I suppose after the segment on ovulating women, it’s hard not to take that and run with it. And the bit with Meg: so wrong, but so hilarious. “Stephen” is just horrible to his staff it seems. I mean, he’s got sexual harassment lawsuits, Tad is afraid to be alone with him, and he ATE Bobby. LOL.
Gotta say it again: Loving the WORDs as of late. Each one is taking these punches at the topic at hand that just leave you saying “holy crap”.
And I can’t believe they didn’t sing! Gunn’s website lied to us! SIGH. Oh well. We did get Rain yesterday. I don’t think our brains could have handled it. Still though, I really enjoyed the interview. “Stephen” let a bit of real Stephen shine though with his opera prowess.
And I’m so excited, because they’ve been showing previews for the opera showings at my local theater forEVER. I wondered what it was and vaguely complicated going, but now it’s pretty much a fact that I WILL be going.
(Sorry for the long post!)
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I am so loving The Word being on so often. Aside from watching Stephen sing and dance, it’s my favorite part of the show. I love a little On Notice board too…
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
And may I say “Yum” to the opera Eye Candy — what a tasty man treat!
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Yum is right! Lol. I was still hoping for a shirtless opera-off. But the fact that he showed the pictures made it a little better. And the fact that “Stephen” called Gunn a “super sexy opera star” made me giggle- I couldn’t help thinking about the illustration of his brain that revealed his “repressed homosexual tendencies”.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Anybody catch the whole thing about the lawsuits from Meg about Stephen being a parallel with O’Reilly and his staffer?
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
With a falafel thing. That’s because Stephen gets hungry in the shower.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
The WORD was awesome! I think that’s one for the CU Nailings course.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
AURAL VELVET ZOMG. I am so starting a band named that. Colbewart have said the word “adorable” at least once in each segment the past few nights. And that, my friends, is truly adorable. So, I know you threw this up like immediately after the show, but I love the links to certain things that we might not get – what was the intro about? Bananas? Barney Frank? I suppose I could search for it myself…
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I don’t know of any particular reason he mentioned Barney Frank in the “Table of Contents” with respect to brokered conventions; I actually just assumed it was a playful stab at Rep. Frank, who we know is not a fan of Stephen’s (poor Stephen; he really miscalculated by assuming Rep. Frank was in on the BKAD joke). For all I know, there may actually be some significance to the congressman and brokered conventions; maybe someone can enlighten us, if so.
The line about the bananas was also random; those intro lines frequently are. In this case, it was a reference to the song, “Yes! We Have No Bananas” (written in 1923 by Frank Silver and Irving Cohn, according to the Wikipedia page). I don’t believe there was any relevance to its use in the intro, though. All I know is, that song gets stuck in my head something fierce whenever I hear snippets of it in movies (The English Patient and the original Sabrina come to mind, for instance). It’s been stuck in my head all morning, thanks to Stephen’s mentioning it last night. Sigh.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Thanks! Your research is awesome. I have to pretend to do work today instead of searching for things…
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Re the reference to Barney Frank, I believe it’s just that Frank is a large man. That’s all!
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
In regard to “adorable”: Last year I went to a taping – during the Q & A section, Stephen told the audience about his first kiss. In the telling of the story he used the word “adorable”. And I noted that when he says that word, he actually does look adorable (and he knows it!). That word popped up one or two more times that night during the show. As proof of this effect, one of my companions (who had little prior exposure to TCR), turned to me during one of the breaks and exclaimed in surprise “He’s adorable!”
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Sounds like he’s practicing subliminal messaging! On all of us!
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I agree! He’s a total flirt.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Can you please tell us about his first kiss?! I guess this would have to go to the Free For All, but I really want to know!
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I’ll wait if need be.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I am not worthy to be a Zoner because I can’t remember this exactly; however, I do remember the gist of the story:
I believe the question was “Can you tell us about your first date?” Stephen decided to answer this as the first time he got “any” and that would have to be when he was about 6. I think he was invited to a female classmate’s birthday party and not knowing too much about what girls like he assumed that a porcelain tea set was the thing to get. So he described how he carefully picked that out and presented it to her. At this point of the story the audience gave out a big “Awwww” in which he responded “Yes, I was adorable”. I think the little girl gave him a kiss so Stephen believes that qualifies as his first date.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Thanks for sharing his story! That’s so adorable I can barely handle it!
I wish I could go back in time and see what he was like as a little boy. Haha. I think he still has a boyish quality to him.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Oh my, that is adorable! Here’s another use of That Word, from CU’s Q&A collection:
Q: “My friends just got married. Do you have any advice for them?”
Stephen: “Aw, that’s so adorable! (pause) Just get it on.”
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Oh yeah, he referenced his Adam’s apple. This was quite the spicy episode. ;)
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Loved the bit on the Sexy Voice Study. Stone Phillips must be ovulating all the time too!
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
My roommate and I came to the conclusion that the nation’s women got sexier last night because those pictures of Nathan Gunn made all of us who weren’t already ovulating, to start ovulating.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
So relieved to see Meg again; thank goodness she wasn’t eaten too! (Now, Tad, I don’t know … we haven’t seen him in a loooong time!)
Colbert U has a little history of Meg for anyone who’d like to catch up:
http://colbertuniversity.nofactzone.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=16&Itemid=53#meg
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Does anyone know who plays Meg? I have my tv on CC while I’m packing up my dorm, and the rebroadcast is on. I happened to look over and immediately it dawned on me that Meg look remarkably like one of my older cousins.
I hope Stephen didn’t eat Tad! When was the last time we saw him? I’ve only been an avid watcher for 7 months, but I don’t think I’ve seen him on an episode yet. (That’s why I love The Internets.)
reCAPTCHA: “Roscoe Tobacco” Lol.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
@AmandaIvy, see my reply a few posts below. Still getting the hang of this!–WWG
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Haha! No worries! Thanks for the info. They should find an excuse for “Stephen” to interview Paul. …And then have Amy play a TCR staffer, so they can do something fun like the Tumble-cising!
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Awwee…*sniffle* I miss Tad. : (
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I’m feelin’ ya on the “aural velvet.” There’s something about a resonant baritone that is just so …..MMM MMM MMM, it makes my toes curl. :)
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
I believe Tad’s most recent appearance was on April 12, 2007, when he went to the Connecticut Eagle Festival to find a girlfriend for Stephen Jr. Far too long ago!
TCR has a production assistant named Meg, but I don’t think it’s ever been confirmed if she’s the one who plays “Meg.” “Meg” is definitely not an intern (contrary to Stephen’s claim), because she’s been appearing on the show since the summer of 2006.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
“Stephen” probably keeps as much of his staff as possible as interns, because he doesn’t want to have to pay people when he, of course, does everything himself. He even works as the mechanic! :D
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Agreed!
Shout Out (Hey!):
0
Oops, I meant to post this somewhere else.
Shout Out (Hey!):
0